AIBU that my husband refuses to apologise for being dead drunk?

You sound controlling. What if he found a certain way you dressed or seeing certain friends or certain make up you chose to wear ‘upsetting and offensive’? Would you be happy for your husband to dictate what you do to you, even when it wasn’t having a significant negative impact on him, just because he didn’t like it? He has a right to go out with his friends and to drink if he wants to, obviously if he was coming home and acting abusive or causing drama it would be different but all he did was come home and sleep. What is upsetting or offensive about that?

Totally.

I just read the OP as she'd said she wasn't happy and at that pont he'd started (she said he'd 'turned it round on her' - I'm paraphrasing) which isn't a healthy reaction.

In most relationships you can say "I'm not happy with XYZ" and your partner will apologise or at least show some understanding to your POV.

I'm not particularly projecting as per some other posters. I've just been on MN a long time and know the script. It's usually a pattern of behaviour, it's never a one off and it usually has negative consequences for the woman.

YABVU to have an issue with him getting drunk. That's ridiculous. And to be "offended" is ridiculous.

YANBU to be annoyed that his hangover means you may not be able to do your actual easter plans.

Op's post:
He used to do this periodically when we were dating but hasn't for a while but I still don't think its acceptable at all.
So when you were dating did you tell him you didn't like it and he agreed no to get so drunk anymore? Or did you married/have a child with him knowing this was a big thing for you and expect him to change who he was without discussion just because its something you don't like (and would you stop doing all the things he mentioned too?)

[FYI I'm in the.. what you described isno big deal/ok to occasionally get drink post 25 gang ... (& my DP falls asleep on the downstairs toilet rather than a beanbag when very drunk)]

This.

I'd be interested to see if the PPs can find a single post by any of us 'waste of spaces' where we've used one insulting word. I can find many from them.

Lol

Non-drinkers: don't worry your husband will die soon

Also Non-drinkers: Drinkers are such horrible wastes of space, nasty, selfish, undignified, frightening people.

I concede that it can be those things, but it doesn't sound as though that was the case here. He came home pissed and slept downstairs on a beanbag. He wasn't abusively ranty (my ex) or physically aggressive (late DP's ex), he was just pissed and crashed out.

I really don't see what he has to apologise for, tbh. He should make sure it doesn't mean changing any plans made for today though, that would be very bad form. He needs to rise above his hangover!

'My wife goes out with her friends. I don't like it. I've told her she's not to do it and she does. She won't apologise. Aibu?'

......

The reason I responded to ypur post is you reaponded to mine by saying anyone that likes to drink is selfish, boring and undignified. I disagree with you, anyway, it takes all sorts to make the world go round and we can disagree. And noone is suggesting being completely drunk around your kids and having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol is a good idea.

You find it upsetting and offensive, however he didn't do anything wrong.

He would literally be apologising for you not liking what he did?

Hardly funny but you do you.

Fs now I want a prosecco😭

I’m pretty boring to be fair 😂

I would let him crack on, his Liver will pack up and then you'll be free.

Did you not know? Several pp have never done it as they're not selfish, boring , a waste of space.

:)

So he can’t have a night out and a few too many like almost anyone has done at least once? She has already acknowledged he used to it more and now it’s rare. I honestly don’t see the big issue. If he’d come in and puked everywhere then expected it cleared up she may have a point but clearly not the case.

No, he shouldn’t have to apologise for going out and having fun. He’s not done anything wrong. Just because you don’t like it, it doesn’t mean it’s something he needs to say sorry to you for.

Omg get your tin hat on girl

I think it is abundantly clear that you have trauma around drunk people which is absolutely fair.
What is disingenuous is pretending there's not a difference between people who feel like that and the others who are simply being nasty for the sake of it.

Also says he did this while they were dating so it can't have been a total turnoff. Couldn't see myself continuing to date if he had behaviour I found so upsetting.

@Mimimimi1234

I don't understand why you think it is undignified or selfish or boring. Do you hold some sort of qualification in dignified behaviour? Selfish? Who does it affect? Boring? Have you not ever had a fun night out drinking with friends?

I dislike being around drunk people, what can I say? I do think adults who loose control of their physical faculties and self awareness due to alcohol are undignified. The dignity of being a human being is inherent in self control and mastery over yourself.

Drunks lose self awareness and the ability to read other people and think their shouted observations and clownish behaviour are fascinating when they are actually deeply tedious.

Selfish: in this case it’s selfish if you know the person closest to you hates it.

Yeah I have had many drunken nights out when younger and it is a good laugh but it’s not fucking fun to be a kid watching an inebriated parent.

Look I don’t know why you care so much what I think. I wouldn’t presume to tell the OP’s other half what to do. I have been very clear that I would leave rather than nah or impose rules. But I have every right in the world not to enjoy being around pissed people. I’m not sure why people are arguing that I am being unreasonable in choosing to avoid being exposed to drunkenness?

a friend’s boyfriend did this 😂 whenever he got roaring he’d think her wardrobe door was the loo door and piss all over her clothes.

it cost him A LOT in dry cleaning 😂😂😂

You forgot waste of space and frightening!

Well with all this talk of alcohol I think it’s time to open the wine, cheers to all the other immature, boring, selfish undignified drinkers 🤣🥂🍻