Jealously about lifestyle

You really need to get out the mindset. I live in a three bed semi, we drive old cars. We have good jobs and we have spare money (no mortgage for a start), we could afford a bigger house or new cars if we wanted. But there is a lot to be said for being happy with what you have. Especially if moving up a rung in the property ladder or getting new cars would be a stretch. I’d rather have spare cash in the bank for a rainy day. My house is big enough for us, my car gets me from a to b and is reliable and big enough. I don’t need anything else.

Money doesn’t make you happy, in fact, some of the most unhappy and unpleasant people I know are extremely well off. You will always have more than some and less than others, but the trick is to be grateful for what you’ve got and appreciate the small things.

Many people live in debt. Debt has become so normalised in our society that people buy that big house they can't actually afford, take out loans on the flashy cars, on iPhones and computers, and put everything (including their expensive holidays) on a credit card they may or may not pay off I'm full each month.

Then their debts keep them up at night.

Definitely be grateful that you and your family are sensible and living within your means.

Op sorry but you need to get a grip. You have a great life and the grass isn’t greener on the other side.

Live your life, not someone else’s.

Am I jealous ? No

I do what I want to do, currently travelling abroad

I know someone that had a flashy expensive car
He used to drive the last week to work in his girlfriends car, because he could not afford the fuel in his car !

I know people that had brand new lease cars, but didn't sign up for enough miles per year. Then had to ride a motorcycle instead to cut costs

I know people that have moved up the property ladder & have mortgages until 65+
Compared to myself being mortgage free in my early 50s

Everyone has their own lifestyle

If you maintain your present approach you will never ever be satisfied with what you’ve got and will always compare yourself negatively, regardless of whatever you have.

Jealousy is a wasted emotion. If you want to change your lifestyle you need to actively change it, move house changr or adapt your career and earn more money, or spend less, whatever it takes only you can do it.

If you value your life as it is more than the things you are jealous of then accept that and lose the jealousy.

I just posted on the "modest homes" thread.

I am mortgage free on a 3 bed terrace at 50. Friends who chased the big house are saddled with huge mortgages on houses they no longer need as the kids have left and they cant sell due to the crap market and COL.

In the past I envied them, but now they envy me! I live an affordable lifestyle in a house that is paid for. When I was made redundant due to Covid I initially looked for another job in the same sector at the same level until I realised that I didnt need to. My sister did the same. We could step back from management bullshit and stress and just bring in enough to pay the bills and have the odd treat. They are still working mad jobs with mad hours just to pay their massive mortgages.

You will be mortgage free a lot sooner than they will, you wont have to deal with the cost and stress of downsizing and the house will be your security. Believe me, that day is AMAZING!!

Inner peace is priceless. Try and work on a way to achieve this.

I'm in a 1 bed flat, with a small space for a study and da ecent outside area. I'd love even a 2 bed flat, or a small terraced house. However, I would need another $300,000 on my mortgage to get even another bedroom, or $800,000 more for a house. Its not going to happen. However, I live in the middle of a brilliant vibrant city with excellent weather. I'm surrounded by opportunity. Location is everything. It suits me and is 'big enough.' I've learned to embrace the good and accepted it.

I've scrolled back to your first post. You have a three bed semi and children of 4 and 6. You also say you and yiur DH are middle managers. That stacks doesn't it?

Perhaps it isn't the house that bothers you but the fact that your friends" careers have overtaken yours and your DH's. You may be in an adjustment phase where some people move out of your lives and others move in.

You also say that you have lots of time with the DC. If you want more material stuff then do you have to compromise family time for commitment to work?

This 'property ladder' concept is a pile of shite anyway. Nobody HAS to have bigger and better. The powers that be just want you to buy into all that to keep you slogging your guts out. To keep you working and spending your hard earned cash with a financial institution.
Fast forward 10 years and you are in the bigger and better house. But all you do is work and never have any time to relax or money to enjoy. What sort of life is that? Stay as you are and enjoy yourself, life is hard enough as it is without making things worse for yourself.

You have a house. You're already ahead of many.

You are the most important person.
Is it envy? Envy means discontented longing for someone else's advantages. Why are you discontented?

You say the cars don’t bother you, but you mentioned them in your OP. Is it that you think you should want flashier cars? I notice that you say ‘property ladder’. — that’s just an invention to make us think we should keep ‘upgrading’. If your house suits your needs, why think you’re supposed to want more?

For instance, we have quite a lot of money, and while our house is big, it’s ramshackle and only half-renovated, also I don’t drive, so I cycle everywhere.

@heyho2023 I'm with @officeparty on this one having buried a baby son.

Take off your green specs. Some people will have more than you, others less. Be content in your home rather than hankering after a big house.

We have it all and I'd give it all away if our son could have been well enough to grow up.

Jealousy is a horrid sentiment. Sort yourself out.

I'm sorry you went through that but glad your son came out the other side. I totally understand how trivial so many things appear when faced with something like that.

I am so sorry @officeparty. My teenage son was diagnosed with cancer but he was one of the lucky ones. At the time possessions meant nothing to me.

One reason it's easier for us is my child had a little life insurance. I've had someone comment on a trip we did, like we must be loaded. We did that trip with the life insurance funds because we wanted to do that for our children who were struggling and needed to get away. I'd give them the trip if they gave me back my child. Nothing is worth that and the cost of it.

I have a five bedroom house with land, new cars and don't stress about bills. I can go on holiday. Several years ago my teen became sudden ill and died a few months later. Want to swap?

I do have the large house but we drive older cars. My ageing Mazda is cheap to run and very reliable. I could afford to buy a brand new car whenever I wanted but why waste money on a depreciating asset? In my job, I have seen many very affluent lifestyles with very nice cars and houses bankrolled by huge loans which are usually dependent on the earning spouse keeping working at full pace with no savings if he falls ill or has an accident. True wealth is more often very low key.