To also need a weekend off

Sounds like he gets a lot more free time than you and clearly doesn't want to work either. Yes book a few days off for yourself and bugger off for some quality me time. And wow having a free weekend is indeed wonderful and you deserve it. Xx

You are both entitled to time off.

My DH does this sometimes. Decides he's having the day off or going to bed or going out or having a bath and ignoring the fact we have a toddler and there is cooking, cleaning etc to do. Pointing out it was unfair didn't work so I made it fair by doing the same. If he can just announce he's going out or having a bath then so can I and that's what I do. If he objects I point out that he does the same but I have found he seems to get it now and I think that works if you are both able to do your own thing.

FWIW I absolutely would not be saying differently if the sexes were reversed.

I've read your last update, and honestly I think you have bigger issues than this weekend (obviously he is being a complete dick about that!). But saying that you would leave him if it wasn't for the kids. And you don't because he threatens to take them. It's heartbreaking. I cant imagine being with someone who would say that. I honestly think you should get some legal advice because I don't for a second think that would be allowed. You are doing the bulk of the parenting and housekeeping and working full time. Meanwhile is moaning about having to parent 1 child 3 days a week (in school hours). He's threatening to take the kids, but clearly he couldn't. You are pretty much a single parent as it is. You would be better off without him really.

I think you need to sit him down and spell out how much you do and tell him he needs to get back in work. Or just kick him out. He's absolutely taking the piss!

You can recall threads in which the SAHM had two days child free and the working parent did the bulk of the housework, made the dinner and got the kids ready in the morning? Really? You’ve seen lots of those threads where things are ‘the other way round’ to this setup?

You need legal advice. Where would he take them? Has he got parents he could move in with and take the children there? Frankly, I don't think he is up for all the hard grind of childcare. It's all very well having fun with children but keeping them warm, fed, getting them to school and living in a place not resembling a tip is a lot harder than having "fun" with them. Anyway, it's not as if you want to prevent him from seeing them on a regular basis. And what @LadyBird1973 said. But the bottom line is you must find out what legal rights you have before you do anything at all. Do not give the him any notice or the slightest indication that you are making plans and seeking legal advice. At least you're not married to him.

Agree with this.

I mean my post says all of that…

Anyway, if people need a break, a day each and then two days as a family sounds best. Your day coming first to make sure you get one, and so that how your day goes dictates how his goes.

This! People are always so quick to call “oh you wouldn’t be sympathetic to a man” etc and they’re never comparing like with like.

This guys seems to have fallen on his feet! He claims to be a SAHD but the youngest is in nursery two days, older one goes to asc (why on earth?) and he’s got you running round doing everything outside of school hours. Sounds like he hardly does anything to have a break from!

Yes this. I am also always amazed at how many couples argue about getting a break from their own children. We are "lucky' because they go to GPs e.g. Anyone would think children were forced upon them and something to be avoided. Children are hard work, why on earth do uiu get up and do the morning stuff if he is a SAHD?

it isn’t a double standard. You being a SAHM is a decision you have made as a couple. Here the OP wants her husband to go back to work, she doesn’t want to keep financially supporting him. Being a SAHP has to be a choice you are both onboard with- you partner is onboard, therefore the situations are completely different

I hate the double standards that are prevalent throughout Mumsnet, and trying to imagine what I would say if the roles were reversed, and even I’m struggling to see what he’s doing as ok.

I’m currently on mat leave with a toddler and baby - during the week, I do practically everything with DH taking over most things on weekends. But you’re doing everything and are the parent that’s working. What benefit does your family have with him being a SAHD? I guess your toddler is only at nursery part time and having two children means you can’t truly relax, but what else does he do?

That said, parenting young children is hard and non stop, so I do get that he wants a break from everyone. However, completely unreasonable on his part to say you shouldn’t get time off.

I should admit too that, even though I have the same high pressured City job as DH, so I know that you don’t really get a decent break at work, I do often sometimes see his work time as a break away from being a parent, which is a 24/7 role so I can understand his POV that being at work is a break.

If you didn't want to be directly combative, you could couch putting the kids into nursery as concern for him. But it breaks his ability to claim main carer status.
He can't insist on keeping the house either way because he's not the tenant, so that's good.
And unless he has money squirrelled away , how could he afford to fight you for custody?

I'm mad on your behalf but I know that if I had a man threatening to take my kids, the gloves would be off and I'd be doing everything I could to get the fucker out of my house!

I'd cut off his access to my money tbh. He's threatening you (re the kids) and the solution to this is to enrol them in nursery full time so he cannot claim to be the main carer.
If I were you, I'd get some legal advice, and so long as you aren't advised by a solicitor not to, I'd be inclined to turf him out of the house - you aren't married, he isn't on the lease. Where would he even take the kids to?

He can go and get a bloody job to have a "break" then can't he.

Start documenting what you do for the kids, particularly in terms of the bulk of the care- arranging meals, the organisation etc and speak to a decent solicitor

He’s got you on a bit of string I’m afraid. You are doing most of the heavy lifting when it comes to the housework and childcare, doing it before work and at weekends whilst he choosing not to work.

He doesn’t want to work? Tough- most people don’t but it’s a fact of life. He’s a lazy sod, he’s enabling his choices by dressing it up as being a SAHP, in reality he isn’t though.

He is taking the complete and utter piss

I've read your latest post. Ok we have established he is a little lazy and possibly ND but that doesn't get him off being the former. In regards to housework what about a schedule. I can get massively overwhelmed by what needs doing in the house and I am Part Time/SAHM. I always find I'm much better by having a list that I can work through. So Mondays I do the living room so vacuum, dust, mop floor etc. On Tuesdays I strip and remake beds, vacuum upstairs and tidy the kids rooms. On Wednesdays I do the porch, landing and stairs and so on. You spend maximum half an hour a day doing these rooms and the rest of the time is sweeping, putting clothes away, washing up etc so day to day jobs that have to be done. In regards to life admin but a list up on the fridge or whatever of who does what each day. My husband will now consult it and ask if DD's bag for forest school or rainbows needs sorting the night before. Maybe do your shopping online and give him log in details for it. So as and when something is finished at home he can add it then that's more mental load off your mind. Just the every day basics and ingredients for meals can be added just before pressing order.

Hope some of that helps

He has absolutely no reason to be, but it looks to me like he's both jealous and resentful of you and is trying to be as awkward as possible.

Write that list of chores, then sit down together and talk it through.

OP, hopefully setting all this in writing has highlighted how much your useless husband is taking advantage of you. You are earning all the money, doing all the life admin, cooking all the meals and doing all the medical care. Hell, you're even providing the parents to have the children once a month!

I agree with PP that the longer he remains unemployed, the less likely he is to return to work.

He's hardly more use than a household pet and they eat less and are more loyal. If it were my husband., he'd be trying to extricate my pointy toe shoe out of his rear end as I shared with him he either left or got a job. You're not married so who owns the house or do you rent? Right now you are in a dangerous position because he could get custody as the SAHP though it would be probably too much like hard work.

I work and my husband is retired. He does a lot of the life admin and I come home to a cooked meal almost every night (although I do tend to batch cook a few meals at the weekend and try out new recipes etc.) He shops and gardens and is lending a hand to our youngest who is job hunting and trying to get his unrestricted licence. When our children were young he did more than his fair share. Your dp is lazy and idle - he may have little more intelligence than a Labrador but he has got you well trained.

He's taking the piss, he sounds like an entitled lazy prick tbh.