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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked him to choose a different sandwich

684 replies

Medsy · 30/03/2024 13:04

Don't know if it's because it's Easter or what but my local co-ops sandwich section was totally barren, only meat sandwiches left (I'm vegetarian). I saw a man go for the last cheese one there was, so I asked him if he was vegetarian and if not, would he mind if I had it? A woman (wife?) appeared and went batshit at me and called me rude.
It made me quite pissed off actually. I wouldn't have a problem with say a gluten free person asking me if they could have the last gluten free sandwich.
WIBU?

OP posts:
WhamBamThankU · 30/03/2024 20:20

@Everythinggreen

Mate, I've been vegetarian for 35 years and I can assure you, in the last few years since veganism is trendy it has replaced a large amount of vegetarian food on menus.

ManchesterGirl2 · 30/03/2024 20:17

Presumably if you're a vegetarian out of "philosophy" you don't want animals to be killed and eaten. So why are you trying to influence this stranger towards choosing a chicken coronation?

Teq · 30/03/2024 20:17

doingitbythebookthistime · 30/03/2024 13:36

Why did you wish him luck? What for?

Misogyny.

Inferring that the man needed luck as he is involved with a woman that the OP didn’t like standing up to her.

OP, I’m sure the Co-Op had more than one vegetarian food item. Wanting the sandwich that another person has does not entitle you to it.

WhatWhereWho · 30/03/2024 20:17

Pepsipepsi · 30/03/2024 20:14

Fascinating response on this thread, to an innocuous question. I don't think it's rude to ask on the off chance. I'm not a social butterfly but I'd either go aye it was a toss up between two sandwiches or no sorry this is the only one I fancied. No harm done.

I wish I had more random interactions like this tbh. People are so straight laced and boring, only caring about sticking to unwritten rules in fear of judgement.

Or perhaps many people do not think the world revolves around them.

bakewellbride · 30/03/2024 20:16

Did anyone follow this thread right from the start and just know it would end up like this, with the hundreds of responses? I took one look at it and just knew!

Pepsipepsi · 30/03/2024 20:14

Fascinating response on this thread, to an innocuous question. I don't think it's rude to ask on the off chance. I'm not a social butterfly but I'd either go aye it was a toss up between two sandwiches or no sorry this is the only one I fancied. No harm done.

I wish I had more random interactions like this tbh. People are so straight laced and boring, only caring about sticking to unwritten rules in fear of judgement.

Pinkypup · 30/03/2024 20:13

I’m really confused as to how some people would react!

I don’t see any issues with what you did

WhatWhereWho · 30/03/2024 20:12

Whilst the other woman went overboard if she got as outraged as you say, you were rude. And you seem a seriously entitled and self-centred person. I do not eat meat either but would not think of doing this.

SmileyClare · 30/03/2024 20:09

No one shouted. 😂

I think we all know going “batshit” on mumsnet translates in real life as a fairly normal interaction- In this case the woman who was buying the sandwich with her partner said four words: “excuse me that’s rude”

See also being “screamed at” in a supermarket (someone asked you to move your trolley or something in a normal voice)

Or the MN going “nuclear” which translates as disagreeing with someone over some non event.

CrispEater2000 · 30/03/2024 20:00

To be fair I don't think it was unreasonable to have asked if he would swap, explaining you're vegetarian. But to ask if he was vegetarian was probably overstepping. I don't think it's as big a deal as people are making out, nothing wrong with asking and nothing wrong with him saying no. The person making a scene was the one in the wrong.

OneTC · 30/03/2024 19:57

Some of the reactions on this thread 😅

tbh if someone asked me that I'd probably swap, and be taken slightly aback. There's definitely no need to be shouting at anyone

Ponderingwindow · 30/03/2024 19:57

Yabu

your diet isn’t medically necessary, it is a preference, even if it is a strongly held preference. It is not fair to compare yourself to someone who requires a gluten free diet.

you also were in a place where there were other food options available, even if they were not your first choice.

Everythinggreen · 30/03/2024 19:56

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 30/03/2024 19:54

Some places are replacing vegetarian options with vegan options, thus making them less palatable to non-vegans.

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I just mustn't have come across it, because all the places I go have a ton of V options and a few VG. Not saying you're wrong, just that where I live places must be a little more open to the differences.

SmileyClare · 30/03/2024 19:55

Medsy · 30/03/2024 15:10

What's a tulip?!

Irish slang.

Eg- “Stop feeling sorry for yerself, you fooken tulip”

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 30/03/2024 19:54

Everythinggreen · 30/03/2024 19:42

Most places still do have options for both though. I'm often asked if a veggie option would be suitable when the vegan ones aren't available. Like I've said, have the two alternatives but vegetarians do still have a lot more choice, because they can.

Show quote history

Some places are replacing vegetarian options with vegan options, thus making them less palatable to non-vegans.

Anxiouslump · 30/03/2024 19:51

Medsy · 30/03/2024 13:16

Because you don't buy them because of preference, I don't buy them out of philosophy

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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Bravo OP! 😂😂😂😂

LiveLaughCryalot · 30/03/2024 19:48

Yes thats a fair point @JJathome my OH would definitely hand it over the fool that he is.
Still don't think the OP did anything terribly wrong. But that's probably because I would have no qualms in telling her no.

WaterWeasel · 30/03/2024 19:44

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 30/03/2024 13:08

You were rude.

Asking a random man his dietry requirements so you can assess if his need was greater than yours is arrogant as fuck.

Get a packet of crisps next time.

This.

Everythinggreen · 30/03/2024 19:42

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 30/03/2024 19:36

Some places ARE replacing vegetarian options with vegan ones.

Show quote history

Most places still do have options for both though. I'm often asked if a veggie option would be suitable when the vegan ones aren't available. Like I've said, have the two alternatives but vegetarians do still have a lot more choice, because they can.

567839Y · 30/03/2024 19:42

This is made up surely?? No one would do that irl. 🙈👀

Everythinggreen · 30/03/2024 19:39

LaughingCat · 30/03/2024 19:21

This thread has me crying 😂😂😂

Soz OP, no way would I ever ask a stranger, even politely, if I could have the sandwich in his basket. I’d have shrugged my shoulders and grabbed a couple of bread rolls, a bottle of mayo, a bag of salad and some Leerdammer and made myself a couple of sammies on the train.

I’m a voracious meat eater but I love nothing more than a cheese and onion sandwich and anyone that would ask me if I would be willing to swap because they’re veggie would have got short shrift from me. Because no matter how very nicely you ask, there’s still a subtext of almost blackmail in there - ‘you have lots of choice but I only have the one…that you took.’ I think you may have realised that quite a few others feel the sane way!

Yeah my youngest is a meat eater but when we're out, 90% of the time he will choose a cheese savoury or cheese and onion sandwich and he can't be swayed otherwise.

Moveoverdarlin · 30/03/2024 19:38

Hilarious! Can’t believe the brass neck of some people.

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 30/03/2024 19:36

Everythinggreen · 30/03/2024 19:34

Not really because if it's vegan that's what it's aimed for so it wasn't vegetarian to begin with. However, they should have more of a distinction in places. For example, I heard you can't ask for cheese on a Mcplant (it will be so people can't then try and cause a fuss saying thats not what they asked for) so they should offer both veggie and vegan alternatives. I was vegetarian from the age of 10 and been vegan coming up 10 years now (I'm in my 40s) so I do know the difference and no one's food is "ruined" 😂

Show quote history

Some places ARE replacing vegetarian options with vegan ones.

SmallIslander · 30/03/2024 19:35

It's a bit cheeky, but not rude. He might not gave been that bothered. Likewise he could've just said no. I voted YANBU. I would have swapped the sandwich for you. The wife was BU for making a big deal out of it.

Everythinggreen · 30/03/2024 19:34

WhamBamThankU · 30/03/2024 18:39

I'm a vegetarian and genuinely think veganism has ruined 'our' food (if you feel vegan food belongs to your group). I don't want cheeze with a z in it. In sandwiches, on burgers or Mac and cheese etc.

Show quote history

Not really because if it's vegan that's what it's aimed for so it wasn't vegetarian to begin with. However, they should have more of a distinction in places. For example, I heard you can't ask for cheese on a Mcplant (it will be so people can't then try and cause a fuss saying thats not what they asked for) so they should offer both veggie and vegan alternatives. I was vegetarian from the age of 10 and been vegan coming up 10 years now (I'm in my 40s) so I do know the difference and no one's food is "ruined" 😂

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