To find my parents increasingly difficult to host

It's very awkward having parents living far away. My mum and step dad, mid 70's to late 70's, are 120 miles away each way. They sleep in separate bedrooms at their bungalow. It's a Travelodge for them when visiting us. With twin beds. They pick when it's cheapest through out the year. They pay. I feed them evening meals. This works well.

I actually had a spare single bed in the spare bed room. But my mum really struggles with our stairs (loo upstairs). We have a house. It's safer for her not to stay quite frankly.

I don't think it's uncommon for older people to sleep in separate beds or even separate rooms as we do. Perhaps they are just past the age of making do at night even if it's only for a short time. Is there a local Premier Inn or similar they could stay at

These could be my parents OP, when we had our first baby we had a 3 bed house, 2 normal sized bedrooms and a box room and my mum couldn’t believe we were going to put the baby in one of the ‘normal’ sized bedrooms and they’d have to sleep in the box room, even though they only visit 2 or 3 times a year. She strongly hinted she wanted our bed, I said no, they’re both quite overweight and I didn’t want them damaging the bed (my dad has got form for throwing his whole weight onto furniture and breaking it) and they turned their noses up at a Premier Inn, but won’t part with the cash to stay anywhere nice enough for their tastes.

I think if I were you I’d say it’s the spare bed we’ve offered or nothing, but sleeping on the sofa is not Ok, I needed to use it with the baby and I couldn’t even though we’d told you not to sleep there. Perhaps your mum needs some sleeping tablets or something?

@WoosMama13 but you haven’t read the OP’s thread at all. The OP has clearly stated her DF is not inclined to spend money so ‘renting a house’ isn’t an option. Nor is a hotel.

Not all posters here have a ‘Hallmark cards’ relationship with parents so enough with the ‘you only get one mum/dad you’ll miss them when they’re gone’ posts. There comes a time for a lot of posters when their parents morph into different people. Sometimes this is because of an illness- dementia etc sometimes it is because they can no longer live together. Dealing with elderly parents who do not want to accept age-related change is exhausting so please think before you post.

Op has bent over backwards accommodating them it's her parents thar are moaning not her. it's like the princess and the pea story. they should try and stay in Buckingham Palace next time 😅

My apologies for my earlier post and thank you to those who picked me up on my response.

While I stand by my disbelief in moaning about our parents and being put out if they come to visit, I can see why this is difficult for OP, given all that has been adjusted and tried.

Another option is to meet in the middle on a less frequent basis, renting a house to accommodate all of you and split the cost or book your own hotel rooms at the same chosen location. That way, there should be less driving for your dad, beds for all and someone else to do the running around to look after you all (hotel specific).

Hope there is a solution and apologies again to OP for my original reply.

I think if you gave up your bedroom for your parents to sleep in, and they didn’t tell you at the time that was a problem, and you came down to the living room with your restless baby not knowing your mother had moved there, she cannot in any way reasonably complain about you waking her up.

This response is baffling - did you read any of the thread?

We ended up steering my IL to a twin room at the nearest Travelodge. We found that as they got older they could also only really cope with a limited number of hours per day of visit.

Well...

DH and I are in our 60s, he is 66 I am 61.

He can sleep almost anywhere, head touches the pillow and off he goes. If he wakes once to go to the bathroom he will consider it a disturbed night.

I, on the other hand, will often be awake on and off for ages but that is just how it goes. Doesn't make me want to get up and wonder around the house.

If I was staying with someone else I wouldn't dream of getting up and sleeping anywhere other than the bedroom I had been given.

I don't think the OP's DH is being at all precious about the sofa. I wouldn't like that either.

Honestly, if they can't put up with slightly different sleeping arrangements for one or two nights that is a bit of a poor show.
They are not exactly ancient yet. Have a word OP and ask outright what the issue is. Sound a bit indignant that you have given up your bed for thrm and they are still not happy. I think it would be OK for them to know that their behaviour is a bit irritating

What property do they live in, with how many rooms?
Because surely it's easier to visit?

But I'm assuming when they visit, they initially slept in baby's room and baby slept in yours?

But regardless, you just need to tell them it's too disruptive for your sleep and looking after the baby if they take up both a bedroom and the living room.
So they either confine themselves to a bedroom for the night or book a hotel/b&b when they visit.

Just set your and their boundaries.

If they don’t want to use a hotel or bnb, I’d offer them a tent in your garden. 😂

What specifically are you suggesting that OP hasn't tried? Moving to a bigger house?

My husband and I haven't shared a bedroom for 8 years. When we go to my in laws we have to share a bedroom (with the kids too who I can sleep with no problems) and it is absolutely horrible.
Best part is my in laws don't usually sleep in the same room so it ends up that my MIL is downstairs, FIL and BIL in their usual rooms and we have what is usually my MILs bedroom and I get approximately 3 minutes sleep while my husband sleeps on the floor.
Can't wait to visit next week 😂

It's not your fault but honestly if someone ends up on the sofa it might be that is the only solution, even 2 nights of no sleep kills me for a week afterwards and I'm 30 years younger than your Mother.

I think staying in other people's home, even if they're your own children, always infringes on the privacy. You want to limit any nuisance caused by you staying there, so you sleep in the bed offered to you, use the towels put out for you, keep yourself out of rooms you have nothing lost in. I think it's rude of your parents to still want to sleep on the couch. Tell them to not do this again ór to go to a hotel.

Put mum in the sitting room on a single fold out bed and dad in the office on a single fold out bed.

The OP has bought a couple of different beds (airbed and fold out) and has said that she gave up her bed / room for the last two visits. They still won’t stay in it. How much more accommodating does the OP need to be?

Thing is about them staying in a hotel, it appears root issue is the two of them don't like to share a bedroom, so would they need two rooms in a hotel ?

"less than a £100 for a hotel room"
The basic state pension is £203.85 per week, so after paying the travel costs to stay in a hotel would make visiting unaffordable for many retired parents.

For a couple of nights every so often, just make your parents comfortable.

They would probably sleep better in a hotel.It seems a shame but we don't seem to have spare rooms so much nowadays. With a young baby you don't need the bother really.
I usually sleep with at least one of the grandchildren when I stay over. I always sleep badly especially away from home,need to get up for the toilet and inexplicably always need a coffee in the middle of the night. I'm a pain but I don't think I disturb anyone!
I don't have a resident partner but sleep pretty badly at man friends...me not him he doesn't snore or anything.
I always say I slept fine. Can't see the point of making the host feel put out. I do appreciate not all older people are as stoic as I am but then I'm in quite good health.

For everyone’s sake, can they not book a hotel or B&B? My sister was unable to host when she lived away due to the size of her house and me and my folks got a hotel with breakfast. If you have a small baby and finding people all over the house when you’re up then I’d request it. My parents wouldn’t dream of imposing like that given the amount of space and their personal sleeping habits. Not good for anyone

I don't understand this. I am 40 and would never treat my parents (younger than yours) like that. Sorry if that is harsh, but you have one set of parents. They are visiting you. Accommodate kindly. You'll miss them when they are gone.

Maybe it was just how I was brought up, seeing my elders hosting. As a result of this, my younger sister treat parents and guests much differently! We give up our room/bed if that is the most comfortable sleeping option. And yes, even when we have babies and young children! And yes, with a one or two bedroom house!
Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you like to be treated at their age? If they are doing the travelling too, a few days of things not being as they always are is nothing.

Again, apologies for being blunt, but stop moaning and enjoy them while they are still around! Hopefully they don't decide they feel unwelcome, so you never see them because of your actions.

OP it’s less than 100 quid for a room at the premier inn. If they want to stay over they need to book one! I used to host family … there was never anything in it for me. More work. More laundry. More cooking. More shopping. Airport pick ups etc. Always having to be ‘on’. And most of the time I got low level insinuation that they were doing me a favour visiting. I lived in NYC & now live in a much more laid back but highly tourist area. In hindsight I see it was just free holidays. I never stay with people. I always book a hotel and meet up with anyone I’m visiting at their convenience… think about it OP!

Id def try and find a different solution. Maybe they could stay in a B&B or Airbnb nearby? That way you can l enjoy the time you spend together. And it usually costs less than a hotel.

'I woke mum up this morning coming down with the baby. We thought we'd fixed the problem giving you our bed but it doesn't seem to have helped. What do you guys see as a solution, but it can't involve the downstairs'