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Original poster

When to put an old dog down……

45 replies

CultOfRamen · 29/03/2024 06:10

We have an older dog, not sure how old as she’s a rescue but probably at least 12, small terrier mix.
despite her age up until a few days very active, still coming on short slow runs with me, walks every day, throws herself with gusto at the postman next doors lawn mower etc and jumps up on furniture, bright and engaging.

a couple of days ago, she just refused to stand up in the morning. Shaking and sad.

trip to the emergency vet, £600 in various tests a couple of possible diagnosis but vet is really unsure. She has stopped eating (second day of no food) and has stopped drinking water today, am trying to keep her hydrated using a syringe. Hasn’t been to the toilet all day.

glassyeyed and mostly sleeping. Not moving very much at all and doesn’t respond at all. It’s pretty heartbreaking.

the vet gave her a huge dose of antibiotics and a an IV and she is on pain meds (although doesn’t appear to be i pain) more antibiotics and anti nausea tablets. It’s been about 30 hours since she started tablets but she is not improving, if anything she is more lethargic and like I said now stopped drinking water.

I think she needs to back to the vet today. However I know this will result in more suggestions of tests and ultimately the tests yesterday showed some concerning kidney and liver issues that the vet said are likely unreversible and may be further impacted by the meds she’s on. I really think it’s time to discuss euthanasia. Sadly we’re just not in a financial position to run a vet bill into the thousands, we’ve recently had some other emergency stuff pop up and our savings are very thin.

however my partner (his dog, he found her in a park, before we met, where she had been beaten and tied to a post and he took her home and they are inseparable since) says she is fine, she is just under the weather and fighting off a minor infection. She will be right as rain in a day or two.

over the years I’ve had many female friends that have struggled with their male partners accepting a dogs time to die and clinging on to sick and unhappy animals. I’ve observed many arguments between couples about when to say good bye to a dog.

I do feel like perhaps it’s a bit early to call as she’s only been like this for three days but also I can’t bear that she might be suffering.

at the moment I’m deferring to his judgment because ultimately she’s his dog, but I’m unsure at what point I need to go into bat for her, which I predict will cause a big issue between us.

AIBU - give it a couple of days, dogs can go for a couple of days with no food or drinking by themselves

NBU - you need to say goodbye to the dog

thouhtd on whether it’s a man thing to ignore the glaringly obvious when it comes to dogs health?

OP posts:
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Birchvalley · 04/04/2024 16:52

OP - all your posts make it very obvious just how much you have loved your dog. They’ve been very lucky to have you as their family. 🌹

MaryLouWho · 04/04/2024 13:44

Oops sorry didn't mean to post, was attempting to start my own and went in the wrong place.

MaryLouWho · 04/04/2024 13:43

Hi there

CatLevelCare · 30/03/2024 13:57

You did the right thing.
had this twice. My dh would have had our dogs suffering for weeks longer than they needed to.
Sorry, because I know it's hard. X

PoochiesPinkEars · 30/03/2024 13:51

CultOfRamen · 30/03/2024 11:41

Thanks all, we took her first thing this morning, broken hearts, not least of all her partner in crime doggo 2, not quite sure what to do with him self without her

A good way to help a dog through loss is to do things outside of normal routine as much as possible.
You can't explain of course and the closer, life after the immediate loss, is to the usual routine the more they feel that absence.
So, unusual rhythms to the pattern of the day, mix things up with when the long walk is done etc (as far as is possible obvs)... days out to different places etc, that way it isn't the same stuff minus their friend. But new places and things to pique their interest and be less obvious someone is missing.

meganorks · 30/03/2024 13:43

I'm sort of with your husband here - It has only been a couple of days. But if she doesn't start showing signs of improvement soon then it may be time

RM2013 · 30/03/2024 13:28

So sorry you had to let her go. Sounds as though you did the very kindest thing

CrotchetyQuaver · 30/03/2024 13:23

Oh I'm so sorry, I missed your update! Very sad but you have absolutely done the right thing. My condolences because it's always a sad horrible day when it comes 😢

CrotchetyQuaver · 30/03/2024 13:19

You need to have a very frank conversation with your OH about this, it's possible he's in denial. I had to be very blunt with my DH about our last old dog as he was choosing not to see how poorly our old boy was. The dog loved my DH more than anyone else, so it had to be his decision. Thankfully he went into the kitchen the following morning and realised what I had seen the night before, and agreed it was time. Sometimes throwing money at the problem in the form of visits and tests isn't the right thing to do. A frank conversation with the vet is probably the next step.

MrsWhites · 30/03/2024 13:02

I agree you absolutely did the right thing. It’s the last act of love you can give your pet - to save them from unnecessary pain and suffering.

Highfivemum · 30/03/2024 13:00

Aww I am sorry for the loss of your pet. They were really blessed that your DH found him and looked after him so well. Take care

redboxer321 · 30/03/2024 12:57

I'm so sorry. It does sound like it was the right thing to do. RIP sweet little dog.

ElizabethanAgain · 30/03/2024 12:50

My heart goes out to you all but you did the right thing. She looks a real sweetie. She was so lucky to be rescued by your partner when he found her in the park. And now he has done one last great act of love for her. You must be proud of him.

Ponoka7 · 30/03/2024 12:18

You've absolutely done the right thing. As a doctor once said about a patient when the discussion came up about dnr and refusing future treatment, the body was fighting to die against medical intervention. Lots of cuddles between the three of you, special food and get out for walks ❤️

BMW6 · 30/03/2024 12:09

I know how much it hurts, but you really really did right by her, there is no greater act of love you could have given her ❤️

CookieSue222 · 30/03/2024 11:51

RIP sweet little lady. I know exactly how it feels to loose one of your best friends.
Remember the joy she bought to you all.

Original poster
CultOfRamen · 30/03/2024 11:41

Thanks all, we took her first thing this morning, broken hearts, not least of all her partner in crime doggo 2, not quite sure what to do with him self without her

When to put an old dog down……
OP posts:
Lisiantha · 29/03/2024 11:38

I think it's a process you go through as an owner, it can take time to come to that decision.

We took an elderly cat to a very experienced, pragmatic vet who said very firmly take her home, bring her back in 3 days. In those 3 days we came to terms with how ill she was, went though a series of emotions, but it was very clear what needed to be done by day 3. In that time she had her favourite treats, and she got outdoors with the sun on her back one last time. Don't push your husband, give him time, and if you have a choice of vet I would favour a more experienced one.

waftabout · 29/03/2024 11:31

Fooshufflewickjbannanapants · 29/03/2024 06:16

Better a week early than a day too late. My vet said to me that most people leave it too late in reality as they don't want to let go, was the hardest thing I've had to do for my lovely old boy Merlin but the best thing for him, he was a lovely soul. Old English sheepdog 13 years old. We had him pts at home so he was all chilled and relaxed.

This. We let our boy go earlier than others would have. We knew he was dying, he wasn't going for walks but was eating and alert.

I didn't want a crisis or a big deterioration for him, I wanted a calm and planned farewell which he got.
We booked time off work to spend with him and to grieve afterwards and I don't regret our decision at all.

Always better to do this too soon. The alternative is sometimes horrendous and cruel.

NC03 · 29/03/2024 11:28

I think I would give it 24-48hrs with a really close eye
I let go of my cat slightly too early and I've never regretted it - it meant it wasn't rushed, an emergency, it was at his usual vet and he wasn't in pain

Giggorata · 29/03/2024 11:27

I am so sorry. It does sound like time.
(I am keeping an eye on my old girl, who has an inoperable tumour. Once eating and drinking, pooing and wagging are going or gone…😢)

ScroogeMcDuckling · 29/03/2024 11:13

CultOfRamen · 29/03/2024 11:10

I don’t know if I can wait till she’s sleeping in her own waste, I feel like that would be definitely left it too late, I know she’s a dog but I want her to have her dignity she has never once had an accident in the house I feel like she would be so upset if that happened.

she is my partners dog they are so bonded but she’s been with me and my daughter for the last eight years too, particularly my daughter who was four when she joined our family, so I guess it’s the classic case if it’s his decision till I think it’s the wrong decision 🤣

she just looks so unbelievably sad. No tail wag happening at all 😞

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There are no words. xxxxx

Original poster
CultOfRamen · 29/03/2024 11:10

ScroogeMcDuckling · 29/03/2024 10:54

that decision is one only your partner can make, and for you to say your bit once and that’s it. Once.

we have an old dog, who would have been put down at 5 if there was no insurance, and every few years, he’s been back at the vets with a thousand or two. He is now 13 and probably over £10,000 has being paid out by insurance.

a few weeks ago, same as yourself, do we spend the money (no insurance now) or pts.

we spent £1,400 this time.

he is always very happy to see us, tail wagging so hard the other day he took out the teapot and two mugs, the milk jug survived - he’s a lot slower than he was, but he’s old.

with the cat he was about 23, he stopped eating, couldn’t be bothered to move to go to the toilet, and the vet said “it’s time”. We went with the vet’s opinion and the cat didn't fight at all which was, strangely, extremely reassuring.

I hope your dog is just having a good rest and he will be back on normal dog duty very soon.

I’m sorry if this came accross as me, me, me, but deep down your partner will know when it’s time, and if the dog isn’t sleeping in its own “waste” perhaps it’s not quite time yet.

I don’t know if I can wait till she’s sleeping in her own waste, I feel like that would be definitely left it too late, I know she’s a dog but I want her to have her dignity she has never once had an accident in the house I feel like she would be so upset if that happened.

she is my partners dog they are so bonded but she’s been with me and my daughter for the last eight years too, particularly my daughter who was four when she joined our family, so I guess it’s the classic case if it’s his decision till I think it’s the wrong decision 🤣

she just looks so unbelievably sad. No tail wag happening at all 😞

OP posts:
Tequilamockingbyrd · 29/03/2024 11:08

So sorry you are going through this. We had to have our family dog PTS in Oct, she was 14 and had ongoing health issues, in the end she was also uninsured as the premiums were extortionate.
I know what you are going through as although she was a family pet she always saw my DH as alpha and he adored her. I knew it was time to say goodbye but he took a little more convincing.
Only you can judge her quality of life and I've also heard that dogs will do their best to mask their pain because they want to please you, which may explain her sudden decline, there has maybe been something underlying going on for a while.
On reflection I wish we'd let our dog go sooner rather than later.

ScroogeMcDuckling · 29/03/2024 10:54

that decision is one only your partner can make, and for you to say your bit once and that’s it. Once.

we have an old dog, who would have been put down at 5 if there was no insurance, and every few years, he’s been back at the vets with a thousand or two. He is now 13 and probably over £10,000 has being paid out by insurance.

a few weeks ago, same as yourself, do we spend the money (no insurance now) or pts.

we spent £1,400 this time.

he is always very happy to see us, tail wagging so hard the other day he took out the teapot and two mugs, the milk jug survived - he’s a lot slower than he was, but he’s old.

with the cat he was about 23, he stopped eating, couldn’t be bothered to move to go to the toilet, and the vet said “it’s time”. We went with the vet’s opinion and the cat didn't fight at all which was, strangely, extremely reassuring.

I hope your dog is just having a good rest and he will be back on normal dog duty very soon.

I’m sorry if this came accross as me, me, me, but deep down your partner will know when it’s time, and if the dog isn’t sleeping in its own “waste” perhaps it’s not quite time yet.