Handhold please dd out and not in touch

Does he have special needs?

Depends on your child. OPs anxiety might well have been valid in her world. My ds is a very sensitive soul. He’s 23 and lives at home and just thinks the best of everyone. He finishes work at 10.30 every night, and I pick him up. There are often attacks in our city by feral teens. I might be deemed as over protective, but I honestly don’t care. Would rather make sure he gets home safe than leave him to navigate our un-policed, unsafe streets. It’s like bloody Mad Max out there sometimes.

And the DD was fine. Mum was the one with the issue.

Edited to add that I am autistic so I understand, in part, where the OP was coming from (albeit the last post was a massive drip feed) but no need to say what she said

I agree. I can't stand this attitude of 'oh but they're high functioning, not like those other awful people'. It's the most damaging type of ableism of all and can come from ND people. I can totally see why people in the autistic community want to get rid of functioning labels. They don't help anyone.

I'm just going to provide some clarity and then leave the thread.

I said it was: daft, out of character, that she is neurodiverse, had been upset earlier in the day and I had calmed her down before she went off, (it was disproportionate but that's who she is), it was midnight and actually the overground she needs stops shortly after, she may have been out of battery and unable to get an uber. She was not an easy or well known journey away and got an uber all the way home. For context it was £60.00. She was with a new group of friends and far from her usual stamping ground. It would have been entirely different had she been with her boyfriend or her usual gang and in a part of London she knows well. She doesn't always make the best decisions when she has had a wine or three and then gets distressed.

In her mid/late teens we had a heck of a time in relation to her MH (she also suffers from GAD and depression), she is autistic, has ADHD and dyspraxia. Happily she is very high functioning, had three good years at uni, has a good and responsible job, but lives at home and panics if her plans go awry.

I was worried and asked for a handhold, not to be told I was controlling, disproportionately anxious, destroying our relationship and needed to take stock. From a different sort of home I have no doubt she may not have recovered so well in her teens, may not be as high functioning as she is, may not have taken a first, etc.

It's a shame so many have leapt to conclusions without knowing all the context and have, frankly, been judgemental and unkind.

Nest of vipers indeed. I have been on MNet for decades and this has been an atrocious pile on and in MNet speak I wonder who left the gate to the cunt farm open last night.

In the OP's first post: I know it's daft but it's out of character and her phone is off. It's getting late and if she's out of battery she won't be able to get an uber and may be stuck. She had a bad afternoon and was in tears

In her next couple of posts from last night she elaborates on this and her daughter's additional needs.

So 'drip feed'? No, not really.

Bit of a dripfeed?

Life has changed. When I left home I lived in a house with no landline phone. I used to call my mum once a week on a Sunday evening, reversing the charges from the phone in the launderette. 🙂. Never occurred to me to ask if she wondered what I was up to for the rest of the week.

Op, you asked for a hand hold and I would have given you one had I seen this in time. You weren’t asking people what you should do but to reassure you when you felt worried. You can’t help worrying.
As my dc are getting older I am realising how scary it is when they become more independent. I dread mine going out at night and know I will worry about them getting home safe, however old they are. I won’t tell them what to do when they’re adults, but I know you can’t just switch the worry off. I’m glad your daughter is home safe xxx

I'm just going to provide some clarity and then leave the thread.

I said it was: daft, out of character, that she is neurodiverse, had been upset earlier in the day and I had calmed her down before she went off, (it was disproportionate but that's who she is), it was midnight and actually the overground she needs stops shortly after, she may have been out of battery and unable to get an uber. She was not an easy or well known journey away and got an uber all the way home. For context it was £60.00. She was with a new group of friends and far from her usual stamping ground. It would have been entirely different had she been with her boyfriend or her usual gang and in a part of London she knows well. She doesn't always make the best decisions when she has had a wine or three and then gets distressed.

In her mid/late teens we had a heck of a time in relation to her MH (she also suffers from GAD and depression), she is autistic, has ADHD and dyspraxia. Happily she is very high functioning, had three good years at uni, has a good and responsible job, but lives at home and panics if her plans go awry.

I was worried and asked for a handhold, not to be told I was controlling, disproportionately anxious, destroying our relationship and needed to take stock. From a different sort of home I have no doubt she may not have recovered so well in her teens, may not be as high functioning as she is, may not have taken a first, etc.

It's a shame so many have leapt to conclusions without knowing all the context and have, frankly, been judgemental and unkind.

Nest of vipers indeed. I have been on MNet for decades and this has been an atrocious pile on and in MNet speak I wonder who left the gate to the cunt farm open last night.

Except @Ivyy no one knew OP's DD was autistic because she did not say. I do have a DD diagnosed with anxiety, actually.

I think far from being a nest of vipers, MN is actuallly a nest of very anxious people who want to stay that way.,

I guess that a lot of women on here are in their thirties and so are identifying more with your DD than with you. It doesn’t seem to occur to them that one day (sooner than they think) they’ll be in their fifties and they’ll still feel the same worries for their children.

As a parent of an autistic teen I can see why you felt this way. Your concerns sound valid. For those who have judged you, it’s because they don’t understand. Your daughter is vulnerable. It is likely her age is irrelevant. I’m glad she is ok. I hope you are also.