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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Hello trouble"

158 replies

TheAverageJoanne · 28/03/2024 08:28

A man I vaguely know (friend's stepbrother) said this to me in greeting yesterday at a funeral. I found it trivialising and sexist (he wouldn't have said it to a man). AIBU?

OP posts:
LiterallyOnFire · 28/03/2024 11:54

takemeawayagain · 28/03/2024 11:53

I couldn't be upset in normal circumstances and would see it as jokey banter. At a funeral though it's very strange thing to say.

It's the conversational equivalent of a friendly shoulder squeeze. Potentially entirely appropriate for a funeral.

boonr · 28/03/2024 11:54

It just sounds a bit flirty or jokey. In the nicest possible way, I think you'll survive being called that.

He could've said way worse.

takemeawayagain · 28/03/2024 11:53

I couldn't be upset in normal circumstances and would see it as jokey banter. At a funeral though it's very strange thing to say.

LiterallyOnFire · 28/03/2024 11:52

AlisonDonut · 28/03/2024 11:14

Don't people say it to the least troublesome people they know?

Yes!

LiterallyOnFire · 28/03/2024 11:51

LovelyLinseed · 28/03/2024 08:32

Yes there is something slightly demeaning and patronising about it. Not the worst greeting of course, but it would not be said to a man.

Of course it would be said to a man. Not in the Home Counties, granted, but it's not a sex specific greeting, it's not flirtation and it's not demeaning. It's affectionate but platonic. Like mush.

We are living in a patriarchal society, steeped in sexism and yet people keep spotting it in exactly the places it isn't.

If you don't understand the cultural context, fine, but don't just invent things.

NearlyBritishSummertimeYay · 28/03/2024 11:47

Thank god a bunch of normal people have turned up, I was really starting to despair!

toomuchfaff · 28/03/2024 11:41

He had probably forgot your name and was using it as diversionary language.

It's not exist, it's genderless language imo, I have seen it used addressing male and female.

Stop taking offense at trivial stuff, you'll probably live longer, at the very least you'll be happier.

NearlyBritishSummertimeYay · 28/03/2024 11:40

Fizzadora · 28/03/2024 08:52

My DH uses this as a greeting to almost everyone he meets, his granddaughter, my Mum, our neighbour (60 year old man). It's meant in a friendly, affectionate way.
Why don't you tell him how patronising and sexist he is being and if he has any sense he will avoid you like the bloody plague.
Stop being so bloody offended.

@Fizzadora

thank god there are still some normal people around!

NearlyBritishSummertimeYay · 28/03/2024 11:38

LovelyLinseed · 28/03/2024 08:32

Yes there is something slightly demeaning and patronising about it. Not the worst greeting of course, but it would not be said to a man.

@LovelyLinseed

yes, it is said to men.

NearlyBritishSummertimeYay · 28/03/2024 11:37

TheAverageJoanne · 28/03/2024 08:28

A man I vaguely know (friend's stepbrother) said this to me in greeting yesterday at a funeral. I found it trivialising and sexist (he wouldn't have said it to a man). AIBU?

I should have @ you on my previous post.

it's just an affectionate greeting, it's not literal.

im sorry you had cause to be at a funeral yesterday.

NearlyBritishSummertimeYay · 28/03/2024 11:35

EddieHowesShithousingMags · 28/03/2024 08:30

i have a (male) colleague that says this to me all the time and I HATE it. I feel like asking ‘what do you mean by that?’ But it’s probably gone on too long now. I’m in my 40’s ffs and about as far from ‘trouble’ as I can be! It’s rude and as you say, not something he would say to a man.

@EddieHowesShithousingMags

its just a greeting. It's not deep & meaningful.

my (male) friend popped around yesterday and that's how I greeted him. It's a warm greeting, not literal, fgs.

LadyKenya · 28/03/2024 11:25

Meh.

GrandHighPoohbah · 28/03/2024 11:24

I would find that really irritating and probably avoid them. It's not offensive but would annoy me nonetheless.

MissPeachyKeen · 28/03/2024 11:23

You are not wrong.

I say it to my nephew. He's 4.

Sometimes it can be appropriately flirty. Sometimes it can be humorous in a group of friends if someone's just shared an entertaining anecdote.

But never like this

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 28/03/2024 11:20

My dad used to call me that sometimes.
He absolutely did not mean he thought I was trouble, or use it in an insulting way.

It was a term of affection and I haven't heard it since he died, so seeing your thread title actually made me smile and wish I could hear him say it one more time.

Nothing sexist about it.

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 28/03/2024 11:19

YABU. Do you get offended a lot?

AlisonDonut · 28/03/2024 11:14

Don't people say it to the least troublesome people they know?

tommika · 28/03/2024 11:12

Speaking as a man ……

Theres a woman I vaguely know from a common activity greets me with “Hello trouble” whenever our paths cross

Perhaps I’m blind to her outrageous flirting - or perhaps it’s just the way she greets me

JillyTheJinx · 28/03/2024 11:12

I'm 63 and 'Hello trouble' used as a greeting has always been meant a sign of affection from childhood right through to present day. It's not offensive.

ginasevern · 28/03/2024 11:00

It's an expression I'm very familiar with and is used quite a lot in my neck of the woods. It is used by women to other women and men to other men. Also adults to teenagers and children. It is always a term of affection between friends or relatives or adults/children. I have never heard it used in a flirty way. Perhaps if the OP had never heard the term before in her life (which I find strange) then I guess she might conceivably think the man was being rude.

As for it being inappropriate at a funeral, bloody hell, what sort of funerals have most posters been to. The bloke was hardly telling a dirty joke at the top of his lungs was he. It's the equivalent greeting of "hello mate" or "hello lovely" between friends or relatives.

mewkins · 28/03/2024 10:52

Potentially he'd forgotten what your name was so used a generic greeting.

LenaLamont · 28/03/2024 10:41

How is it sexist? My uncle says it to my brother all the time, and my brother is in his 50s.

I think it’s friendly and casually affectionate. Often said to someone you knew when they were younger.

Gettingonmygoat · 28/03/2024 10:38

Can't see the issue but if it bothered you you should have said something at the time.

dudsville · 28/03/2024 10:37

I must say that I wouldn't have given this comment a second thought. For reference, I'm a woman in my 50's. If someone said this to me I'd presume they were being friendly with a nod towards being somewhat old school cool. Like saying "how's tricks?" instead of "Hello", in a slightly 30's ganster film way.

Bobskeleton · 28/03/2024 10:35

I personally don't see how it is a sexist comment. You have assumed he has never greeted a man like this, and therefore put 2 + 2 together and made sexism.

Could it possibly be that emotions are a little fraught with this having happened at a funeral?