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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Hello trouble"

158 replies

TheAverageJoanne · 28/03/2024 08:28

A man I vaguely know (friend's stepbrother) said this to me in greeting yesterday at a funeral. I found it trivialising and sexist (he wouldn't have said it to a man). AIBU?

OP posts:
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sweatervest · 29/03/2024 13:51

I would say it's really patronising but also if he was flirting with you at a funeral it sounds like an episode of curb your enthusiasm which is another thread entirely

missmollygreen · 29/03/2024 13:38

TheAverageJoanne · 28/03/2024 08:28

A man I vaguely know (friend's stepbrother) said this to me in greeting yesterday at a funeral. I found it trivialising and sexist (he wouldn't have said it to a man). AIBU?

How do you know he would not have said it to a man?

LiterallyOnFire · 29/03/2024 13:33

Perhaps you take yourself too seriously cheeky chops

Grin Dying.

StormingNorman · 29/03/2024 12:35

Are you 10 years old by any chance? 😂😂😂

YoureALizardHarry11 · 29/03/2024 12:33

soupfiend · 29/03/2024 07:53

Perhaps you take yourself too seriously cheeky chops

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No, I don’t. I have a perfectly good sense of humour, it’s just something that adults don’t say to each other in my world. Just because people do things differently like that it doesn’t make them odd or taking themselves too seriously, I’m sure other people use figures of speech that you don’t and would find weird if someone said them to you. I think it must be known around here as a childlike greeting. I’m 35 and haven’t had it used on me for years.

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 29/03/2024 09:03

OneWiseDuck · 29/03/2024 08:59

Funny for you to say that when you’ve clearly taken this thread to heart 🥲

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Not at all.

OneWiseDuck · 29/03/2024 08:59

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 29/03/2024 08:46

You are incorrect. The young people in our family still have a joke with other people and don't take everything to heart. Not just the over 50's.

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Funny for you to say that when you’ve clearly taken this thread to heart 🥲

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 29/03/2024 08:57

TheAverageJoanne · 29/03/2024 06:59

Interesting set of responses. The guy definitely knows my name. He's late 50s, married and a granddad and has form for flirting with women online.

Why didn't you include this information on you first post?

He definitely fancies you and probably attends funerals just to hit on younger women 🙄

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 29/03/2024 08:52

Applescruffle · 29/03/2024 08:18

I HATE being called "love". I find it so patronising and sexist.
I own a home improvements/construction related company. We would NEVER address a customer as "love". It's always Mrs * or Madam.

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It's definitely not classed as patronising in Sheffield.

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 29/03/2024 08:46

OneWiseDuck · 29/03/2024 08:00

YANBU, I don’t like it either. Thankfully it’s quite outdated now and only seems to be used by those aged 50+.

Some of the comments on here are very nippy. You can dislike something without being offended by it 🙄

You are incorrect. The young people in our family still have a joke with other people and don't take everything to heart. Not just the over 50's.

NeedToChangeName · 29/03/2024 08:22

Fizzadora · 28/03/2024 08:52

My DH uses this as a greeting to almost everyone he meets, his granddaughter, my Mum, our neighbour (60 year old man). It's meant in a friendly, affectionate way.
Why don't you tell him how patronising and sexist he is being and if he has any sense he will avoid you like the bloody plague.
Stop being so bloody offended.

@Fizzadora a comment can be offensive even if not intended that way. If your DH says this a lot, it might be useful for him to learn that some people may not like it

It wouldn't hugely bother me, but does no harm to be aware

Applescruffle · 29/03/2024 08:18

RoseGoldEagle · 29/03/2024 07:52

I think of this as an affectionate term too. When said to a toddler/small child with a warm tone it kind of conveys the sense that you like them warts and all. I may be overthinking that! I wouldn’t be offended by this from an adult. We had someone come round to quote for a job the other day who called me ‘love’ repeatedly. That grates on me, but equally I know it will be what he’s grown up hearing and is just second nature to him to say, so I just let it go. In the case of ‘trouble’/ it would be weird for a stranger to say it, but from an old friend or relative seems entirely appropriate, nice even.

I HATE being called "love". I find it so patronising and sexist.
I own a home improvements/construction related company. We would NEVER address a customer as "love". It's always Mrs * or Madam.

Original poster
TheAverageJoanne · 29/03/2024 08:12

@ZetuianRose Inappropriate at work especially from a male boss to a woman subordinate. Is he the love child of Gene Hunt and David Brent?

OP posts:
OneWiseDuck · 29/03/2024 08:00

YANBU, I don’t like it either. Thankfully it’s quite outdated now and only seems to be used by those aged 50+.

Some of the comments on here are very nippy. You can dislike something without being offended by it 🙄

soupfiend · 29/03/2024 07:53

YoureALizardHarry11 · 29/03/2024 01:09

I was someone who commented saying that I’d feel patronised by this, and I’ve since come back and seen that people are being told they’re ridiculous for not liking it etc. Where I’m from, people used to say it to me a lot as a young child, with a very childlike tone to their voice, and I’ve never heard anyone say it to an adult, nor have I had it said to me since about 12 at the most.

I associate it as a friendly way to greet a child so I would feel a bit belittled if it was said to me now, in the same way I’d feel put out if someone send ‘’Hello, cheeky chops!’’ I just don’t associate it with adult communication. That doesn’t make someone ridiculous, it’s just association and what you’re used to.

Perhaps you take yourself too seriously cheeky chops

RoseGoldEagle · 29/03/2024 07:52

I think of this as an affectionate term too. When said to a toddler/small child with a warm tone it kind of conveys the sense that you like them warts and all. I may be overthinking that! I wouldn’t be offended by this from an adult. We had someone come round to quote for a job the other day who called me ‘love’ repeatedly. That grates on me, but equally I know it will be what he’s grown up hearing and is just second nature to him to say, so I just let it go. In the case of ‘trouble’/ it would be weird for a stranger to say it, but from an old friend or relative seems entirely appropriate, nice even.

Applescruffle · 29/03/2024 07:47

Noone is at their best at a funeral. Let it go.

ZetuianRose · 29/03/2024 07:38

The flirty suggestions are worrying me… a guy at work who has been my boss on a couple of occasions has said this to me a handful of times.

We get on well but I’ve never thought there was a flirty dynamic at all. He’s always very outspoken about his wife and family and loves them! Maybe it’s not always flirty, perhaps meant to be causal and friendly?

I let him off for it as we have a good relationship, but on the whole it’s not something I approve of.

Fairyliz · 29/03/2024 07:06

It’s the sort of thing I as a woman would say to another woman who I thought was lively and good fun rather than dull and boring.
A sort of thank god someone has come along to make us laugh rather than going on about the weather or prices in Sainsbury’s.

Not sure I would say it at a funeral though.

Original poster
TheAverageJoanne · 29/03/2024 06:59

Interesting set of responses. The guy definitely knows my name. He's late 50s, married and a granddad and has form for flirting with women online.

OP posts:
NashvilleQueen · 29/03/2024 03:41

I know lots of men who would say it to other men in a banter type way and so I wouldn't be offended tbh.

OooScotland · 29/03/2024 03:05

Where I come from its said as an affectionate greeting for a small child, usually your own. I wouldn’t say it to an adult, esp a colleague, of either sex, but I wouldn’t find it offensive or demeaning.

Perhaps he thought he was being cute/friendly/funny? I’d perhaps check why he’s saying it but don’t take it too seriously, just ask him to stop.

IloveAslan · 29/03/2024 02:53

Oh for goodness sake .........

Some people seem to spend far too much of their time looking for something to offend them.

GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 29/03/2024 01:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This - It's been said to me before, I just took it as a friendly type greeting from someone I hadn't seen for years.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 29/03/2024 01:09

I was someone who commented saying that I’d feel patronised by this, and I’ve since come back and seen that people are being told they’re ridiculous for not liking it etc. Where I’m from, people used to say it to me a lot as a young child, with a very childlike tone to their voice, and I’ve never heard anyone say it to an adult, nor have I had it said to me since about 12 at the most.

I associate it as a friendly way to greet a child so I would feel a bit belittled if it was said to me now, in the same way I’d feel put out if someone send ‘’Hello, cheeky chops!’’ I just don’t associate it with adult communication. That doesn’t make someone ridiculous, it’s just association and what you’re used to.