Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

Genuinely are people saying that at 14 they wanted to go on holiday with their parents? Because I remember that when I was 15 I outright told my mum that I was done with family holidays and I never did another one again. Saying that though my BIL loves family holidays and always has done and still goes on holiday with his parents. So each to their own I guess but I wouldn’t presume that the girls problems are due to not going on holiday with her mum.

Yep ^

And I was also that child and I would have rather peeled my own face off and ate it than go on holiday with my parents and their new partner. Which is why it is important to understand how your child feels about this. They could be perfectly happy about the situation and would rather spend time with parent b and friends, or they could be harbouring resentment. 14 is a prime age for acting out anyway.

Oh shit, are you my ex's mum? 😂

I go on holiday a lot without my kids, who would rather stay at home than come with me. Their Dad picks up the slack while I'm away. I pick up the slack when he goes away. I take the kids away too but not for long periods.

I know it isn’t my place to judge as she will be with her other parent where she is loved and happy

Correct. Mind your business.

Lots of anti-MIL posts here lol !

They don’t seem to consider the needs of the child … it’s just, “ let’s get the boot into the MIL”🙄

Almost a cert that absent Parent A will be causing issues with dc, despite dc putting on a brave face.
Feeling unloved at very least. Long term issues at worst.

OP is right to be concerned. This is not Parent A taking an occasional holiday alone or having to work away.

They’re actively choosing to spend long periods of holiday time away from their dc and from the sound of it dc was never offered the chance to go with them, even once !

So those posters saying dc probably wouldn’t want to go anyway, are talking nonsense.

I agree with you, and the bad behaviour is likely to be stemming from feeling rejected from the travelling parent. Selfish people won’t understand and be very defensive. But anybidy with a teeny bit of empathy will feel for the child.

I am not certain the DD is having trouble because of the holidays. Could be other reasons. God knows there is plenty for teens to go off the rails these days.

This. There’s no evidence anyone is suffering, other than the ‘friend’ who asked the OP to post, and that person appears to be suffering primarily because s/he thinks this is All Wrong.

But if it’s so terrible and the GD is suffering, why is the other parent not fussed about the holidays? Doesn’t add up.

As you said, none of your business. Keep out.

I couldn’t have gone on long jollies if my kids were dropping school and having problems. Teenage time is hard and teens need all the love and support they can get while being gently eased into independence. That means having parents around. There will be plenty of time to travel when the child is grown. And a middle way is there-why not take your child away sometimes? The parent is running the risk of making their child feel unwanted and rejected if they’re giving the impression they can’t wait to be off travelling with their new love.

You ANBU. And for those posters saying it’s none of your business? Ridiculous attitude. If something is happening, eg illness, behaviour problems, bad times-of course family members are concerned, want to help and do their best. Of course a GP is going to be concerned if a beloved GC is struggling and one of their parents keeps talking about me time and planning long holidays. If that were my daughter or son, I’d speak to them about maybe postponing the big travel and supporting their teen.

Perhaps they parent better with these breaks.lucky them

Just asked my own DD what she thight of my frequent archaeological trips. She says "Well I didn't want to come to Angkor Wat. I was in school. And I didn't expect you to wait till I was 18". Now that she is grown I am glad I kept up my own interests. I am on another thread where women say they have no idea what to do now they are empty nesters, because they never had any hobbies or went away without DC.They feel completely bereft.

I didn't go during exams or tense times.

if your son went away on business trips that would be ok though? You don’t like the mum and her behaviour but it’s none of your business.

I was this child. It made me feel unwanted.

"Posted on behalf of my dear friend"

🙄🙄🙄

Maybe, just maybe, child is in school when parent is away? You also realise that nuclear families dont always have the children on holiday. Its none of your business, all this faux sympathy, you dont feel sorry for your granddaughter, you're just taking the opportunity to criticise parent that isnt your child .

I bet you anything it’s the mum who’s travelling and you’re the mother of the dad. I doubt you’d care at all if it was the other way around. I also bet you anything that you DO make your feelings clear in various passive aggressive ways.

You haven't said what the daughter's take is on these trips. And do they happen on the school holidays?

@UngratefulOldCabbage with respect, once a year is not 3-4 times for two weeks at a time without the child being consulted.

I'm guessing that this is your grandchild's mum @Pinkpantsplesse . I don't think anyone would bother to pass comment if it was a dad.

I go away once a year without my child while they are with their dad. They hate flying and travelling and it aggravates their anxiety. They refuse to come. They spend a week with their dad and have a great time. Then we have a weeks family holiday in the UK with no flying involved. Keep your judgy pants to yourself OP - different families do what works for them.

I think it's out of order.
If I could afford one holiday per year it would include my children. If I could afford 2 then I would consider one with them and one with friends/ a partner. Yes it's fine to travel with others but it's selfish to always do it without your children. There needs to be a balance otherwise the children will feel rubbish and you have missed that opportunity to have that experience with them.
This is the first year I don't have the money to take my 15 year old away so I hoped his dad would take him as he knows the situation but no he is going to Hawaii with his partner. He has never ever taken our children on holiday. (One has now moved out which is why I now only refer to one). I think it's fine he is going to Hawaii but I think he should also something with our child even if it's one night away as it upsets our child that his dad only seems to care about taking his partner away and not him.
I'll take my teenager next year as a priority and he has only missed one year but I think someone's priorities are seriously messed up if they always prioritise others to go on holiday with rather than their child.
So as a grandparent I wouldn't say anything but yes I would judge and I would also see if I was allowed to take the child away. Even Eurostar to have an overnight trip or something like that to try and make the child feel better and to have an adventure.

I'm judging to be honest. Regardless of gender.
As both a stepchild and a single parent, when you split up, your number one concern is to try to ensure that your child is not at a disadvantage to children who's parents are together. I'm sorry but I don't know any parents who are together but one parent takes 3-4 long trips away without the rest of the family if not for work purposes. We're not talking a week a year or a one off trip to China.
It would be considered a complete burden on the person left behind. Not to mention the impact on the child. I dare say they miss the other parent when they are away. Also finances. These don't sound like cheap trips.
There are parts of any holiday which a 14 will enjoy. I can't imagine how I would feel at 14, eating cornflakes in rainy England and seeing my parent in Costa Rica, stroking sloths (not a euphemism). She should be going on at least half of them.

And yes, having children does shit on your travel plans. That's why most of us parents have to drink our way through Disneyland.