Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

But it’s not just the occasional holiday.

Its a parent choosing to be absent from the child’s life.

Thats shitty parenting and those who say it’s fine are being very defensive ( because that’s what they’d like to be able to do ) and just not getting the point.

Nothing to do with misogyny. It’s just crap parenting isn’t it ? ( I’ll have a child then bugger off and leave them).
I don’t think we have confirmation that parent A is female anyway. Just people jumping to conclusions.

What about the welfare of the child ? ( Child won’t be happy despite us being told they’re ok)

Like many things in life, there will be consequences for parent A as the dc may not want to give them the time of day when they’re older.
Despite it all seeming like happy families now.

That's a pretty bad thing to say to your child. Could make them feel like an unwanted burden.

Exactly this.

I think it’s right people do judge actually. It’s neglectful.

I regularly go on weekends away or holidays without my DS.

He is ASD and its one of the perks of shared parenting. I absolutely need a break to myself when I work full time and also a parent.

I have booked a family holiday this year with DS for a week but the other 3 booked this year, DS wont be going. He will be with his dad.

I dont see anything wrong with this at all. Its also insanely expensive for family holidays as you pay extra for child, plus another room depending on accommodation and expense costs.

This seems excessive - nothing wrong with holidays without your child but this is more than 2 months out of a year

YABU. Don't turn into a judgemental and meddling Gran.

I don't think it matters if it's the mother or the father, it's shitty behaviour, no misogyny involved at all. My ex husband has been going on numerous overseas holidays, not business trips, holidays like Parent A, to destinations very sutiable and desirable for DC, who get shown the brochure before he goes, and treated to a slide show when he gets back, along with a full run down of all the nice things they enjoyed doing. Without them. He has been doing this since we seperated and he remarried.

I am also repartnered, we do not go on holidays without the children, we take them with us because we are a family and I love seeing them in their element having a wonderful time. Had they not had the experience they'd had from their father I'd be happy to go on the odd short weekend without them but I prefer to consider their feelings given the circumstances.

He thinks the children are fine with it, because he is selfish and that's the belief that supports his actions. I would presume he thinks I am fine with it, or at the very least doesn't care. I am not, because I see how the children feel about it and I'm left to explain to children in tears why he doesn't want them with him. I do not really have an answer for them. They are very much not fine with it, but when he realises that it will be too late.

I am left to pick up the slack, every time he absents himself I have to arrange cover because I am not able to be in work, and as I run my own business this costs me money. Luckily, financially I'm fine however he doesn't know I'm not struggling. He once offered some money towards staffing, but it never materialised and he doesn't offer any adjustment from the most basic of CM he pays because he's set himself up financially to avoid paying any more.

From the outside it might look like we are all "fine" with it, but the only person that is fine with his plentiful holidays, is him. I don't think you're being unreasonable, I think you've got your granddaughter at heart, which any reasonable person would have.

Going on holiday? Even if it’s during times the child is with the other parent?

Whoops i replied to the wrong thread.

I think it's shit parenting - if you have a child you should be fully involved in their parenting and should include them in some of your travels.
It's not comparable to travelling for work.
OP is right - the parent sounds detached and as if they believe parenting to be optional.

It’s shit parenting. Sadly it’s common, and this kind of behaviour is often supported on MN unfortunately. But the simple fact is that it is bad parenting, whatever anyone says.

This.

Person A is obviously the mum. As no one would judge a father for going on holidays without their child.

You Your friend needs to look at addressing their internalised misogyny.

Yes, but going on holiday without your child is hardly child abuse. It is precisely this type of Mum shaming that makes the job so much harder.

OP would you even blink if the father of this child went on holiday without her? It's such a double standard.

I know it isn’t my place to judge

And yet here you are, doing exactly that.

Rather jealous of parent A's life!

??? You are an adult, I presume.

Eh?

14 year olds are not doing GCSEs and A levels.

As for "I think that parent A seems detached from child" - is that coming from the "non judgemental" grandparent, or you as friend of non judgemental grandparent? You need to get a hobby.

My father often jets off to Morrocco without me too OP. It sucks, but so what?

YANBU. Poor kid just feel so rejected

Love it when people say “lm not judging” and then are really judgey. We all have opinions and thoughts about other people’s parenting -lm sure people have thoughts about your friend’s parenting and some of them will be negative. People can have there own lives and would a 14 year old really want to go on these trips anyway?

12 months ago I would have said it was unreasonable and they should take her on some trips. However my step kids are now 13 and 15 and my god they can grumpy these days. The last 2 trips their moods have definitely affected things. The first wasn’t too bad, though the luxury 3 bedroom apartment was clearly not good enough for them 😑. The second trip to in-laws holiday house they actually spoilt a bit by refusing to do pretty much anything. The last day we actually just left them at home on their phones rather than forcing them to come and listen to the attitude. By the way their dad completely agrees with me, I’m not a horrible step mum.

Completely depends.

Does the 14yo child WANT to go on the trips? Or is it a case that she'd rather stay behind with friends? Is the child happy and content with parent B whilst parent A is away?

Does parent B take holidays with the child as well, or spend quality time with the child?

Personally I wouldn't want to go on long trips without my dc. I like them to explore with me. But sometimes teens don't want to go and if they are safe and happy with their other parent then where's the problem?

Although, some parents can just be shit parents. I have a relative with a child and neither of the parents ever take the child away anywhere. They each go off with their new partners and leave the child with grandparents. Often left for 2 weeks without even appropriate clothes.

@gettingbackonit23 true, they may not be caused by her mum holidaying without her but the fact the parent is saying it’s their time now and choosing to leave child for extended periods be cause they want to have fun will have an effect. And you’re right-kids are different-we enjoyed family holidays for years-we chose places where teens could have fun too and even now they’re in their twenties, we still enjoy family holidays. And we’re a blended family.