Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

Well, I'll judge for the rest of you that are so sanguine about it.

Would I go on multiple holidays a year without my kids if I could afford it? Yes. Would I go on those knowing I had no intention of taking my child away at all, even if their other parent would? No. I'm not a complete cow. I also enjoy spending time with my kids, unlike this parent it would seem.

I don't think it's internalised misogyny to say so, how fucking ridiculous. In fact, I think if it were clear it were the dad there'd be a lot of "well of course he can do what he wants but it seems mean" rather than a "you go girl, spend all your free time and cash on yourself" which some seem to have the attitude of here.

I also disagree that it's not the grandmother's business.

But we don't know the daughter is being deliberately left out of trips. She may have been asked but preferred to spend extra time with Parent B.

Going on holiday multiple times for 2 weeks at a time, deliberately leaving the child out of trips, and presumably leaving them with the other parent beyond the 50/50 contact arrangement.
Kids aren’t young for long. Before you know it they’re doing their own thing.

Unless Parent B is palming off the extra care of their daughter on the grandmother, it is none of the grandmother's business.

Also, some (but not all) 14 year olds are independent and to put it frankly, bloody miserable and hormonal.

I know a small handful who would waste the whole trip sleeping until noon and spending half the time on their chosen device. A good friend of mine has recently opted to go alone after 4 years of shitty trips now the child is 17.

Any money on the fact you aren’t the parent of the jet setter

Personally if I only had my child 50% of the time I wouldn’t be wasting some of that time on holiday.

My mother had a new relationship and travelled for long periods, 3+ months at a time. I wasn’t as young as 14 but my DB was that age.

The coming and going, along with the very clear message of “I have a new life now to which you are peripheral” definitely made the whole situation difficult and damaging for us.

For us no we never leave kids apart from once a year for our anniversary we go away a couple of nights and that's long enough for me

I think this is a very different scenario and few people would judge you for it - most would see your trips away for yourself as healthy for you and DS because intensive parenting can lead to burnout. IMO you deserve a break more than most.

An ex DP had parents who jetted around the world when he was growing up but left him home with an older adult sister. He grew up resenting this very much. His parents, IMO were very self-centered people in general and while we broke up and never had kids together, I'd worried over what kind of grandparents they'd make because they pretty much expected the world to evolve around them.

Well it might have depended where they were going as to whether or not I wanted to go away with parents at 14!

Parent & new spouse-who knows?

Has something changed so that the parent can now do these holidays?

If the parent goes alone does the child go to her other parent?

Is there something that you don't know about which is why the other parent (your offspring?) is ok with it?

If you think that it is affecting your GD have you spoken to them?

What does the child think of it? That would affect my answer but it doesn’t sound ideal for her. Why can’t they wait till holidays and take her? Does she get holiday(s) with the parent who is going away a lot? And with the other parent?

i would LOVE the chance to travel with DS who is 11.

oh you are judging alright 🤣

You are trying to come across as meaning well but meaning well for ego, yourself? " it's not for me to judge" but that is exactly what you are doing and quite frankly it is none of your business. All parties seem happy enough with the arrangements. Think you need to get a life.

At 14 I didn’t want to go on holiday with my parents. Like you said in your initial post it is time to keep your nose out. Nothing good will come from you interfering.

It depends whether the child has the opportunity to go on holiday where they want to or if they are left behind in all senses whilst their parent dumps them and goes off to enjoy themselves.

Is there sufficient family financial resources for both or is the parent selfishly putting themselves first 'because they're worth it' whilst their child comes second, third or last in priorities?

I don't have much time for divorced parents who are eager to get rid of the memory of their failed marriage - their children as frequently as possible and carry on with their fabulous new life.

Bitter? Moi?

My mum took me on one holiday when I was child. All the rest she did on her own. Amongst other issues it's part of the reason I barely have contact with her. Just shows a complete lack of care or wanting to be around your child

I feel like if you have to repeat the fact that you don't want to judge, then you're probably judging.

It can create resentment and feelings of rejection in a child being left behind extensively even if they are not vocalising their feelings atm. It’s selfish and unkind to continually leave her at home, I am sure she would love to explore so many new places.

As a parent I am doing my best to offer ny dc the best childhood possible with adventures and memorable trip. I would never do this tbh. In just a few years she will be gone - and they will have all the time in the world to travel.

This seems a little odd to me tbh.

However, if the holidays are in term-time when DGC is in school/with Parent B, then Parent A may simply be making the most of cheaper, child-free [ie no-one else’s kids] travel whilst DGC is loved, nurtured and focussed on their GCSE’s. I assume DGC goes on a holiday with one or both parents at other times of the year, so not actually missing out?

My kids are 19 and 16, youngest is going to a state boarding school/6th form in September. First thing my DH said (once he had ooh’d and aah’d in the right places as I wailed that I wasn’t ready for my baby to leave home) was - ‘ooh, we have have cheap holidays together without the kids again, and it’ll be easier to hire a dog sitter’!!

As a child of a single parent family, I fear for your granddaughter. She is experiencing abandonment from parent A, she will continue to push more boundaries to get attention and will likely not perform as well as she could at school. It is likely she will need therapy when older too. I honestly despair of some people, if you don’t want to look after your children, then don’t have any. I am so sorry for your granddaughter.

Is parent A my ex too? He lives in a lovely bubble where he does what he wants when he wants.

He's retired early (50) and has been away for a month so far this year.

I wouldn't mind but he gets his pants in a twist when I have to go away for a few days for work.

He doesn't give a moments thought about how it affects DD. It's cool, she's very happy with me. He goes away with her a lot too, as do I.

But he cannot see and will never see that when she looks back on her teenage years she'll probably say Daddy wasn't around much. His lose.

You can't judge btw. It is what it is.

This.

I pretty much sat in the back of the car most of the time with my headphones on since all my parents did was get into squabbles and bicker like children. My sister moaned about not wanting to go to xyz and how bored she was. My parents still bicker when I take them on holiday but often end up separating from dad because if anything involved more than a bit of an incline and more than 10,000 steps, he chooses to stay back.

I was in Girl Scouts from 10-16 and a part of other clubs where I often went on different trips without my parents several times a year so nothing weird about parents doing the same.

I would love to do four solo trips a year. I do two solo 4 day trips a year. It is the only time I have to myself where I am not on constant alert and can think of myself. We don’t have family nearby so DH and I take it in turns and go when the kids are in school.

Thats shitty parenting and those who say it’s fine are being very defensive ( because that’s what they’d like to be able to do ) and just not getting the point.

Very few people have said it's fine.

Most have said it's none of the gran's business. Which it really isn't, since there's another parent to cover the absences so there's no child welfare concern.

It doesn't matter if you would do the same as the parent, or I would, or the gran would. Unless it's something actively dangerous to the child, it's not something for a third party to concern themselves with.

A gran will risk good family relations if she stews in it and let's her disapproval show.

Obviously she cares about her granddaughter’s well being. Your’s is quite a contrast with the ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ viewpoint, I’m not criticising just pointing out differing attitudes.