Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

259 replies

Pinkpantsplesse · 27/03/2024 21:58

Posted on behalf of my dear friend.

My granddaughter lives between her mothers house and her and fathers
House. The parents have both have remarried and all the families and all get along .

One of the parents has taken to going on holiday a lot . Sometimes alone , sometimes with their new partner but not with my granddaughter . Parent A had 4 holidays without her last year - three of these were two weeks. One a week. Parent A has openly said they are now exploring the world and enjoying life . Parent B has no issue with Parent A traveling .

We have just been told this year that parent A is off on 3 LONG trips and our grandchild won’t be going. I know it isn’t my place to judge as she will be with her other parent where she is loved and happy but I can’t help but find myself feeling slightly uncomfortable with parent A jet setting off . AIBU .

Granddaughter is 14 . Seems to be slightly pushing boundaries and attendance has fallen at school . She is a lovely child though . I fear she will feel rejected. However it’s not my place to judge . I watch silently from afar .

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. But then that’s just me .

OP posts:
LittleWeed2 · 03/04/2024 06:26

Well if she's not attending school - what's going on ?

SoupChicken · 03/04/2024 06:20

Yeah I’d judge them for this, one week adult only holiday - fine, as long as there is also another family holiday, but several trips lasting several weeks, no way, that’s awful and I’m not surprised the child is acting out. They probably feel worthless.

ziggies · 03/04/2024 06:13

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. – I think this sounds extremely unhealthy actually

I'm from a country where travel is way more common/normalised than in the UK. Like people travel to a continent across the world at least once a year, and within the continent multiple times a year.

Due to our stronger passport and our small country size I think (and in turn travel is way more normalised in the UK than countries like the US, bc of former EU membership, the UK being smaller than the US, and holiday leave rights)

My parents regularly travelled without us to clear their annual leave & because school holidays would be jam-packed. Then we'd go somewhere nice with them on school holidays too. Also their holidays might be "nicer" more luxurious adult holidays that tended to bore us, and ours would be more fun kiddy stuff.

It's not a big deal if you don't make it a big deal... You need healthy life experiences, plus some leisure time on your own too... Your child will have plenty of yearly opportunities to travel with you, or even with their friends as a teen

LameBorzoi · 03/04/2024 05:31

Azandme · 02/04/2024 18:50

Oh wow! From this thread I've learnt I'm neglectful AND a "bad parent" - all because I don't sit and stare at the walls whilst dd12 is with her dad.

Shame on me, I shall get the sackcloth and ashes!

Truth be told I don't give a damn what people think about me travelling without dd.

I am the main carer. Her dad has her one night a week, every other weekend, and half the holidays. During the times she is with me I do everything for, and with, her. During the times she isn't with me I do things for me.

I refuse to allow people to make me feel bad about that. Neglectful? Hilarious!

Unless I'm supposed to do nothing except parenting that's a ridiculous statement.

I'm going away for the weekend this weekend - dd is with her dad for his Easter hols week. It's mine and dps anniversary, so we're going away.

Next month we're away for the weekend to see a band (dd would hate it and it's her dad's weekend), and four days in Serbia for DPs big birthday - again, during her dad's half term. In June, another weekend away to see another band - again her dad's weekend.

I'm also going to India for a wedding later in the year. That is in term time, so dd will stay with her dad. For a whole two weeks out of the entire academic year. How very neglectful of me.

I'm sure many people are thinking what an appallingly bad "neglectful" parent I am.

I'm sure some acquaintances also think so. I don't really care though, because I know what I DO do with DD.

This year alone:

January - a weekend in London for a Con and to see a show.
February - a week in India.
July - a weekend in London to see Stray Kids (even though I'd rather stick pins in my eyes)
Also July: ten nights in Rhodes
August: 7 nights at Butlins on our annual girls trip with my best friend and her dd.
October: another weekend in London.

Yep, because I have the AUDACITY to travel when I don't have my dd, I'm dreadful, bad, neglectful parent.

Or maybe people shouldn't make assumptions or judge.

Show quote history

Your situation sounds very different, unless OP has left out a lot of information. It's not the going away without the child that I would have issue with - it's the apparently not doing any trips with the child

CleaningAngel · 03/04/2024 05:19

Qwerty111 · 27/03/2024 22:07

I’m going to take a wild guess that the parent going travelling isn’t the offspring of the “definitely not judging” grandma.

Of course not!!

Willmafrockfit · 03/04/2024 04:24

but the 14 year old has school surely

crumblingschools · 03/04/2024 03:54

Has OP said the child isn’t bothered. She just says she is happy at parent B’s. Doesn’t mean she is happy with parent A going on holiday without her.

How many posters on here regularly go on holiday but never take their DC with them?

LindorDoubleChoc · 03/04/2024 02:40

Yes. The dd will be feeling it. Her parent A has found the time and money to go on a lot of adventures abroad with their new partner, but not her. She absolutely will remember this in time even if she appears not bothered by it now. Yanbu OP.

Barquentine · 03/04/2024 02:31

obviously the ideal is that parent A takes her daughter on holiday every now and then. However parent b is there to care for their own dc. This isnt abandonment we are talking about.
Im not sure I understand OPs comment re parent A going away during the child’s exams as they are only 14 and any end of year tests are not high profile exams, so irrelevant.

If OP, your GD has a supportive parent B and GPS then I do not see a problem with parent A going on holiday alone. I am assuming by the nature of the comments made Parent A is the mother and your DIL. If so would you be saying the same about your son leaving his daughter at home and going on holiday, I’m feeling a sexist tone to your original post which I’m hoping you are not passing on to your GC.

That said, I do find it sad that all families can’t spend their holiday time together.

NalafromtheLionKing · 03/04/2024 02:28

Does she go on holiday with Parent B?

Rosindub · 03/04/2024 02:28

I don't think op has confirmed that parent A is her ex dil.

SootikinSweep · 03/04/2024 02:23

It is selfish parenting, op. You’ll get a hard time on here for ever daring to question a daughter in law’s actions though - if this was written by an ex wife of a feckless husband she’d be getting much more understanding replies and probably told she was a bit of a doormat for putting up with it.

fridaynight1 · 03/04/2024 02:05

In the last year
How many holidays has parent B taken child on?
How many hoidays has parent A taken child on?

ruthgordon123 · 03/04/2024 00:31

Parents A and B don't pay enough tax.

ReadySetGrow · 02/04/2024 23:56

I judge. And if you want the responsibility of parenthood, then you don’t recklessly leave your child. Once they’re grown up, go exploring then. Honestly wonder why some people bother.

And yeah, yeah, get your knickers all knotted over my comment. I honestly couldn’t care less.

Twolittleloves · 02/04/2024 23:21

At 14, I think this isn't too much of an issue.If the child was young (maybe 10 or younger, and especially under 5) i think it would be very neglectful.
I once knew a girl who was always doing this, but her kids were alot younger.
She went the other side of the world and left her 3mo baby with grandparents!
I also knew someone who accidentally booked a holiday the same time as her daughter's birthday, and didn't cancel, so she and the partner were away for it! :(
Awful parenting.

Threeboysadogacatandakitten · 02/04/2024 23:09

“However it is not my place to judge”

…..but you are judging.

It wouldn’t be for me. By the time my ds3 was 14 the only nights he’d spent away from me was the P7 trip and two (separate) nights I had away for work but if both parents are happy with the arrangements then it’s nobody else’s business.

FlippyFloppyShoe · 02/04/2024 23:08

I'm surprised at 14 that your GD isn't bothered, but then maybe she isn't bothered because she recognises that parent A deserves some time away or because she isnt bothered about spending that time with parent A?
My DC have a similar parent and they are very aware and complain about it.

thecanadianloon · 02/04/2024 22:53

Let me guess the parent travelling is mum and your ex daughter in law?
However your granddaughter has an another parent who is there for her. If she has a good relationship with the parent who isn't globe trotting I can't see an issue.
But the school issue needs working out and finding out what's causing your granddaughter school refusal.

AGoingConcern · 02/04/2024 22:53

Do any of the people actually affected by this have an issue with it, OP? How is it actually affecting the teen's time with parent A?

You seem to be riled up by the principle of the thing more than anything.

Original poster
Pinkpantsplesse · 02/04/2024 22:46

What teenager wouldn’t want to go to NYC, Florida, Mexico ?She wasn’t asked or considered. She was told Parent is going away . You will stay with other parent.

Parent A will be away for 9 weeks in the space of 13 weeks and I think it is poor . There I said it. Parent A hasn’t taken Child away but apparently is next year .

I am not understanding why people have children to then leave them at home and go off with their new partner to explore the world. Seems cold and cruel to me . It is almost like Grandaughter is seen as an inconvenience. I think she must be away she is left at home but has never said anything negative about Parent As holidays . Parent B fully supports A.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 02/04/2024 22:39

ParsonsPont · 28/03/2024 09:34

Person A is obviously the mum. As no one would judge a father for going on holidays without their child.

You Your friend needs to look at addressing their internalised misogyny.

Why is this always said?

If I 'judge' (and yes, I do sometimes) I judge the behaviour of the person not their sex.

No1toldmeaboutit · 02/04/2024 22:25

the parent might not want the child to miss school and has the other parent to have the child while they go away, it’s not like they are being palmed off on randoms.

also if this is anything like my 14 year old they don’t want to do anything exciting, will go on holiday but moan about doing any activities.

think as long as the child gets to go away at least once a year I don’t see the problem

Scrumps81 · 02/04/2024 21:53

canyouletthedogoutplease · 27/03/2024 22:08

Is Parent A my ex husband?!

Lol yep thought it was mine!

tillytoodles1 · 02/04/2024 21:10

My daughter's ex-h had two kids from a previous marriage and they did two long haul holidays e.g. Jamaica and Florida on their own, then a week in Spain or Majorca with the kids.
No-one seemed to mind, they also had a holiday abroad with their mum every year.

Swipe left for the next trending thread