Parent going on holiday without child AGAIN

My dad did this to me.
He effectively lived abroad about 3/4 of the year.
I did not care that he was abroad without me, it didn't even occur to me that it was an issue.
His spectacularly shit parenting however was very damaging.

The trips are a red herring - the trips are not the problem. They could be indicative of an uncaring or uninvolved parent however - but if the parent is involved, responsible, caring, then it doesn't matter .

We went to Rome in February and left the kids with their aunt and Nan. Surely this is between mum and dad and as you’ve stated parent B is fine with parent A travelling. It’s none of your business at all.

How is it reckless to leave a child with its other parent?

I don't begrudge parents taking holidays without children, and certainly on the weeks they are with the other parent, however I think it's pretty selfish never to take the child and they should include them in at least some of the trips

I think going on holiday without children is fine.

However the situation your describing seems to be the mom swanning off with no regard for the child.

I have done child free holidays, but always make sure my child has a holiday too!

Parent A is a bit of a shit parent.

I have a 14 year old and I wouldn't dream of going on holiday without them. In fact, my older DC want to come with us too. My DC never did Disney, or Club Med. We have taken them all over the world with us, and it has been a great experience for them.

Parent A CBA to put themselves out to include and educate their DC. They sound pretty selfish TBH.

Never in a million years would I have ever wanted to leave my child to explore the world whilst they weren’t with me. – I think this sounds extremely unhealthy actually

Steady on! Whenever I’m on a rare trip without my daughter, I always wish she were with me exploring somewhere with me. I love travelling with her, we have a great time. It isn’t the slightest bit unhealthy.

I agree with you, and the bad behaviour is likely to be stemming from feeling rejected from the travelling parent. Selfish people won’t understand and be very defensive. But anybidy with a teeny bit of empathy will feel for the child.

Or, the child is a teenager, going through typical teenage stuff.

It sounds like this family are dealing with the split in an amicable way. Grandma needs to butt out.

Both parents are allowed to parent however they choose to and absent of abuse or neglect, it's nobody else's business. Only when the child expresses dissatisfaction on how their upbringing affected them negatively, can the parents reflect on choices that they made. A GP can feel that it's not fair all they like but all they should be focused on is being the best GP that they can be and supporting the GC.

That's the thing though, the OP has left out an awful lot, probably because it suits her narrative better - yet everyone has piled on "Parent A" who would possibly have an answer like mine.

In a 50/50 split (which I don't have - we're every Weds night, eow and half holidays) there are 26 weeks that the dd is with Parent B. OP is furious that Parent A spent 7 of them travelling.

Surely if it was actually causing an issue Parent B wouldn't be happy with it? But then the OP has "helpfully" left out what Parent B does in the 26 weeks Parent A has dd... Maybe they only travelled 4 weeks, or 2, or 5? We don't actually know.

When are these holidays? A 14 yo can't just up and leave school for a holiday, especially if attendance is already an issue.
Both parents are entitled to take holidays without her, if they are able.

Completely unreasonable absoloutley non of ya business and she’s 14! Pffffft stay in your own lane! Both parents are happy with the set up?! What the hells your problem?

A question for all those who have stated that Parent A is wrong (and the stronger words used).

What is Parent A supposed to do the 50% of the time the custody agreement states the dd is with Parent B?

This post is essentially about what is "acceptable" activity for parents when their child is with their other parent.

The OP hasn't stated that Parent A isn't doing their 50%.

The OP hasn't stated that Parent A never takes dd anywhere.

The OP clearly disagrees with what Parent A chooses to do in their non contact time. Would she also have a problem if Parent A was out dancing every night?

What exactly is the expectation of parents when a child is with the other parent?

We constantly see posts to newly separated women, wondering how to fill their time saying "Go out!" "Do things for you!" yet this entire post is, "You're a BAD NEGLECTFUL RECKLESS parent for doing things for you!"

So, what is the list of acceptable things a parent can do, when their child is having their contact time with their other parent? Because so far, the majority here are very adamant that they can't travel - so what should they be doing, in your opinions?

How about when it's a separate family?

I never travelled anywhere without dd (and she only had a handful of sleepovers with mu mum) when I was married. But after exH left and dd was with him eow and half the holidays I chose to do more with that time than sit waiting for her to come home because actually, initially it was too strange being in the house without her.

Do you judge me for that? If so, what do you think I should be doing when dd isn't here for me to look after?

The op has clearly stated this is a 50/50 split custody and that all of the people involved are fine with it.

She hasn't said Parent A is doing less than 50%. She hasn't said Parent A never takes dd anywhere.

It's not "recklessly leaving your child" when your custody agreement means they aren't even at your home TO leave, recklessly or otherwise.

It's really only the parents' business, whatever anyone else says, isn't it? I personally wouldn't choose to leave my child for that long, and that often, but perhaps if I were in a 50/50 shared custody arrangement I'd feel differently. It probably changes your perspective.

It actually sounds similar to my dsis/ niece's situation. Father goes on several holidays a year and last year was away for 6 weeks in Cambodia. Niece was absolutely fine about it, enjoyed some extra time with my sister while her dad was away. No ill feelings (other than dsis not being able to afford far flung holidays so often!) That said, I don't think my sister would want to go on a long holiday without my niece. I'd be interested to know whether the parent having all the hols in this scenario is the mother or father.

But as I said, not really anyone else's business if both parents are happy with the arrangements.

I think it’s unfair.
Im shocked that your GD hasn’t been taken on at least a few of these holidays.

Most young people nowadays return for a bit after university to save up. Rents are expensive now. She felt left out as a teen and in her early 20s because her mum would rather jet off around the world on expensive holidays than take her DD on the occasional holiday and send her money for food. I know she was an adult but I don't blame her for being upset. My parents rarely holiday abroad but even I could understand her feeling forgotten. At least her dad sent her money for food and books etc.

When I was growing up my dad would take multiple long holidays a year. Usually 2-3 a year that were 4-6 weeks, then probably at least 3 a year that were about a week.
I was fine, and never expected to be taken on these holidays.
However, I never lived / stayed with my dad. I think if I did, or if the holidays had started when I was a teenager I think it would’ve been worse.
Ultimately though I don’t think you’re going to be able to do anything about the holidays. All you can do is be there for your granddaughter as much as possible.

Most young adults do prefer independence.

I agree with you OP. I have a teen and can't imagine doing all these fun holidays without her. I wouldn't enjoy it knowing she's at home missing out.

Sure it is 😂

just to confirm as you’ve ignored the answer previously, this is your ex-daughter in law going away isn’t it?

No its "for a friend"

Parent B has no issue with Parent A traveling

There we go then. Your friend needs to wind their neck in. Perhaps parent B is taking their child on holiday another time.

My friend has a selfish mum like Parent A and she doesn't like her. She didn't return to her mum's after university and preferred to live in a bedsit with strangers.