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Original poster

‘D’P hit stepson

235 replies

289406520t · 27/03/2024 14:42

I've been with my partner for 6 years. We have have a 4 year old and 18 month old together. He also an 11 year old.

Stepson wets the bed, he went to the GP and they said he would grow out of it he would wear drynites but at the start of Feb (just after he turned 11) partner told him he was too old for them and refused to buy them, telling him he'd get bullied in secondary school. I tried to talk to him but he said by buying them he was encouraging him to ‘misbehave’

His mum works shifts so we have him most of the time, it varies when she has him due to her shifts so she mostly takes him out for the day/picks him up from school and gives him his dinner etc.

Just after partner stopped buying the drynites stepson was very upset one morning trying to hide that he'd wet the bed. I helped him change his bedding and didn't tell partner as he was very upset and embarrassed.

He had been doing well and hadn't wet the bed for around 2-3 weeks but this morning he woke up with a wet bed. I wasn't home when he woke up so he attempted to change it himself and was caught by partner. I'd just gotten home and could hear partner shouting at him, telling him he's fed up of the behaviour as he hadn't done it in a while so he's capable of not, said he's attention seeking etc. Stepson was upset and telling him he didn't mean it etc and partner hit him on the arm and told him to do his own washing.

I attempted to help him but was told I was encouraging it and undermining him. Partner doesn't see he's in the wrong for any of this, including the hitting. Using the excuse he was hit much harder as a child.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable for getting involved

OP posts:
NotQuiteNorma · 27/03/2024 15:23

Well at least you know what your own kids have to look forward to I suppose. Your partner sounds like a bit of a cunt to be honest. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

Autienotnaughtie · 27/03/2024 15:23

I can't read the thread it's too upsetting.

Your fucking moron partner needs to understand incontinence is a medical condition not laziness or naughtiness. He should have been referred to your local incontinence team.

I would tell the boys mother. And I would tell my partner to fuck off. Partly. For the hitting but mostly for the shaming of a child something that will likely stay with him For the rest of his life

Bubblesdevire · 27/03/2024 15:23

This is horrific.
I would not let this man have contact with the kids I share with him and I’m be reporting him for his actions with his DS

Shaming and abusing a child for something entirely out of his control is abusive.

Your ‘D’P is a vile man

Please support your SS

totallybonkerswarning · 27/03/2024 15:23

Yes. That reaction will reduce bedwetting 🙄

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 27/03/2024 15:22

@Everythinggreen how is she lovely? She's staying with a boyfriend so shit he hasn't educated himself in his child's medical problem, and after witnessing him bullying and attacking the child, said he is a good dad.

Babsexxx · 27/03/2024 15:22

Kinnnnnn helllll OP I’d tell his mum and get rid of him! Wonder how he will treat your kids in future if they dare show any undesirable traits/medical issues….what a PRICK alarm bells should be seriously ringing here.

nimski · 27/03/2024 15:21

289406520t · 27/03/2024 15:13

I do plan on telling his mum but I don't think she’ll be able to get another job which doesn't require these shifts. She's worked shifts ever since SS was young, when she and partner first split he would stay with her mum but she now lives abroad so she doesn't have any childcare which meant SS living with us most of the time.

Apart from this he is a good dad but he seems to think SS is purposely doing it, he's never been violent before.

Yeah because children regularly wet the bed on purpose....🙄 ffs get a grip and stop defending him. Your SS will never forget this appalling treatment.

Lavender14 · 27/03/2024 15:21

This is emotional and physical abuse op. Is this the person you want to continue raising a family with? He's completely out of line with his and what he's doing is harmful and is probably undermining the toilet training. He needs to sit down with the doctor or health visitor and have this laid out for him.

Noyesnoyes · 27/03/2024 15:21

That is truly awful! I hope the SS DM refuses to allow contact now!

Dreadful behaviour!

Verv · 27/03/2024 15:20

Alert the boys mother, and get rid of the abuser immediately.

Blahblah34 · 27/03/2024 15:19

This is one of the saddest things I’ve read on here. That poor lad.

nimski · 27/03/2024 15:18

Your partner is an appalling human being and father.
Also please take your stepson back to the GP, at this age (actually earlier) my daughter was given medication for this (its a short term thing until the body learns to release the correct hormones etc to wake himself up)

Everythinggreen · 27/03/2024 15:18

You are lovely, your DP is a disgrace. The poor boy must live in fear of wetting the bed probably unconsciously stressing him out making it more likely.
This could be one of your kids one day. I'd say run and let his mum know everything.

ExtraOnions · 27/03/2024 15:18

What kind of advice is that from a Dr? My daughter was a bedwetter, started Desmopressin when she was about 7, she stayed on it until she was about 13 - if they don’t produce the hormone, they need a synthetic version

As for hitting kids for wetting the bed, he needs locking up, he wouldn’t be spending another moment in my house.

JWhipple · 27/03/2024 15:18

Report him to safeguarding. At the very least tell the mother. He's abusing his own son, your children are also witnessing this and are probably scared. And get him out the house.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2024 15:18

Apart from this he is a good dad

Bullshit. No reasonable adult would strike and bully a little child over bed wetting. What kind of fucking idiot is this man? It's fucking appalling. That poor little boy. He will never forget how his father has humiliated him over this. This is what lies ahead for your kids.

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 27/03/2024 15:18

Apart from assaulting his scared child for doing something outwith his control and humiliating him he's a great dad 🤨

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 27/03/2024 15:17

My cousin used to wet the bed for years. Funnily enough it only stopped when his dad left the family home.

Purplesmurple · 27/03/2024 15:17

289406520t · 27/03/2024 15:13

I do plan on telling his mum but I don't think she’ll be able to get another job which doesn't require these shifts. She's worked shifts ever since SS was young, when she and partner first split he would stay with her mum but she now lives abroad so she doesn't have any childcare which meant SS living with us most of the time.

Apart from this he is a good dad but he seems to think SS is purposely doing it, he's never been violent before.

He’s not a good dad and it will likely continue, are you happy with him hitting your children as long as he is a good dad in other areas ?

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 27/03/2024 15:15

He is absolutely not a good dad. Are you seriously going to stay with him? Appalling.

Original poster
289406520t · 27/03/2024 15:13

I do plan on telling his mum but I don't think she’ll be able to get another job which doesn't require these shifts. She's worked shifts ever since SS was young, when she and partner first split he would stay with her mum but she now lives abroad so she doesn't have any childcare which meant SS living with us most of the time.

Apart from this he is a good dad but he seems to think SS is purposely doing it, he's never been violent before.

OP posts:
trumancummings · 27/03/2024 15:05

PlumbersWifey · 27/03/2024 14:45

That's awful. Tell his mum. The child shouldn't be staying with his dad.

This. Poor kid. He's more likely to have accidents now because he'll go to bed stressed

Gettingbysomehow · 27/03/2024 15:05

What kind of an arsehole is he? There could very well be a medical reason for this. My cousin wet the bed until he was about 12 - there was a medical reason for it.
His bully of a father needs to take him to the doctor. There is medication for this.
I'd be extremely worried for your own children if I were you.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2024 15:02

I am absolutely horrified that you have two children with this piece of shit. There is no way there wasn't evidence of his abusive ways before now.

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 27/03/2024 15:02

Dinoswearunderpants · 27/03/2024 14:59

Everyone saying he should be with his Mum, the Mum clearly can't be bothered. Choosing working shifts over having a stable him for her child.

Unless there's a medical issue, then this must be a psychological issue which I can understand why.

It's not a full solution but I would recommend buying a Hygee sheet from Amazon. They protect against bedwetting.

Does your DP lose his temper often? If this is a one off then perhaps he's just frustrated and worried his child will be bullied. I do not condone hitting a child though.

The mum can't be bothered because she's working full time and leaving her son with his father while she works? WTF?