‘D’P hit stepson

Abusive prick. Flat out no. Would you countenance him hitting your own children? The poor child could have a medical issue or be terrified of his Father. Honestly you need to let his Mum know, I wouldn't want my child being abused and frightened like this in another home. Poor child. Your partner sounds really nasty as well as thick as shit.

Your stepson is bedwetting because his father is an abusive bully.

What you can do about it I’m unsure, I’d say leave him but then poor stepson would be alone. Maybe stand up for stepson as much as you can and tell him you’ll call the police if he hits his son again. It is illegal to hit children - or anyone.

Maybe ask social services for advice?

Ugh I feel so sorry for you all having this man in your lives.

What a horrendous father. Your poor step son can't help it.

At 11 it must be horrendously embarrassing, humiliating and just awful to be wetting the bed and he is dealing with his own feelings of shame and the added fear of his own father humiliating him and being downright abusive and nasty about it is only going to serve to make the boy feel worse.

I would tell the boys mother that it's not safe for their son to be with his father as his father is emotionally damaging him and has now resorted to being violent/aggressive with him.

I would not tell any such a vile man near my own children or myself.

‘Apart from this his a good dad’

What apart from the fact he hit his child and his a bully ????

Heartbreaking for this boy. DS wet the bed regularly until around that age. We tried everything. Medication and a bedwetting alarm off Amazon cracked it in time for school camp. After that it was occasional and gradually reduced to the point it hasn't happened for a couple of years.

It tries your patience when you have a load of washing every single day just with his bedding, as dry nites just didn't fully contain it. But knowing an 11 year old boy feels quite shit enough about wetting the bed without a parent adding to the stress, you take a deep breath and get on with stripping the bed.

I hope you both get away from this man.

I was a late bedwetter. It was because I was being bullied in my own home by my stepfather. Late bed wetting can often be due to psychological stress and trauma (as well as hormonal).

I would be leaving this prize abuser and bully. He’s already done a number on his first child make sure you limit the damage to yours.

I’d also disclose this to social services and his mother.

Sorry OP, awful. Hope this kid gets away from this nasty piece of work and sincerely hope he goes no contact when he is older.

In a nutshell

Disgusting man.
You sound like a lovely stepmum too.
Bin him.

How can you say this man is a good dad? He's been being a shit father to his poor son about the bedwetting issue since well before he assaulted him. That's terrible, abusive parenting.

Your dp is a horrid person. There are medical reasons your dss wets the bed and your dp is abusing him because of it.

God what a hateful man. Focus on protecting all the children (and yourself), violence escalates. Poor boy. His mother needs to know that he has been hit by an adult whose duty is to keep him safe and teach him how to behave with kindness, decency and integrity. These are absent in the man you’re sharing your home with, I wouldn’t stay under the same roof another day.

Ok.

If you are sahm and financially dependent on him this is more complicated.

Firstly, it is extremely common for men who use hitting as a form of punishment to believe that a child is doing something deliberately when they are not. My ExH believed that our disabled daughter was "putting on" her disability to inconvenience him.

Secondly, if he is not accepting that hitting is a problem and you are not in a position to leave then you have absolutely no power in this relationship. In this situation if he hits one of your biological children and you object you have no leverage over him to get him to stop.

Suggestions:
You need to tell mum (obviously)

You need to look into getting a job. Your DH has demonstrated he thinks hitting is ok. You need to prepare, and stay prepared for the day he hits one of your biological kids or you. Leaving will be easier if you have a job.

You also need an escape fund. Because again, the day is very likely to come where he hits your kids or you. What family do you have? Could you go there?

It's possible that if you tell step son's mum and then leave to live with your mum or a friend for a while and explain that it is because you think hitting is unacceptable and you will not stay with someone who hits that you might be able to scare him into not doing it.

You need to judge how likely it is he will get violent with you if you have the conversation.

I’ve read a lot on here but this is up there with the most upsetting thing I’ve read in a very long time. Your partner is not a good dad, he’s abusive please don’t try to convince yourself otherwise.

"Apart from this he is a good dad "

An otherwise delicious sandwich with a bit of turd in it is still a turd sandwich.

See above OP. Rarely do I see a thread where every single person is telling you the same thing.

‘He has never done this before’ - you do realise that this will not be the last time don’t you? All abuse starts somewhere with one event.

He has crossed a line and now your poor SS and your own DC have been exposed to DV in their home.

OP you have two DC with this man - this is what they will experience one day when they do something he doesn’t like.

It’s not up to you to tell his mum to change her job but it’s up to you to tell her about this. I really hope that your SS can be protected from this.

What a vile, abusive prick of a man. Your poor SS. His self esteem must be at absolute rock bottom with that bullying and fear hanging over him. I feel terrible for him.

You'll need to get a job, urgently, you have zero legal protections being legally single. Reporting the boyfriend to SS will help create a record for when he starts on your kids. You can stay in touch with your boyfriends kid via the mother.

He's a horrible dad!!!

Your partner is a disgrace. Get out of the sake of your son and other children.

I'm so sorry OP, I know your head's probably spinning. I do think you should report him though. I do. It will be horribly hard I imagine but I worry your DSS won't tell anyone because of the shame of bedwetting and he should not have to go through his dad treating him like that.

Your dp has no excuse.

Buy your ss some
waterproof bedding and plenty of spares sheets/covers. Teach him how to wash them himself and then tell your abusive partner to stay the fuck out of his sons bedroom.

personally I’d tell him if he didn’t apologise and stop acting like a prick he can fuck off but you’re down playing what an arsehole he is so at least the first part of my post might offer some comfort to that poor lad.

fwiw, my brother used to wet the bed, our father was also an abusive prick. My DB grew to 6ft 2 and built like a tank at 15, made mine and everyone’s else’s day when he decked that bastard. He’s never wet the bed since leaving home at 16.

I hate when people say ‘apart from this he is a good dad’. No he isn’t. He is psychologically and now physically abusing his son. End of!