‘D’P hit stepson

I would be pissing the bed if I lived with someone who hit me...
Poor kid must be terrified.

You need to tell the child’s mother about the abuse. Tell her you will testify in court as needed.

then file for divorce.

What a twat.
My oldest DS was bed wetting until age 9ish. I got him referred to specialist clinic and in his case it was as a result of a further complications with his bowel causing pressure on his bladder especially when relaxed causing bed wetting.

All of this. This man is doing untold damage to his son.

Definitely alert stepson’s mum as he should not be staying with his dad at all now. His dad is a vile, abusive bully.
If I was his mum I would be stopping all overnight contact with immediate effect as his dad can’t cope/ abuses him if he wets the bed. He shouldn’t have to put up with a reaction like that from his parent.

Without you he would have had nobody to reassure him, help him and stick up for him. You are the reason why sometimes having a stepmum (ie another adult in the household to witness the father’s parenting), is sometimes a godsend for the child.

There is a special place in hell waiting for this despicable cunt, and I hope he burns.

Meanwhile, get yourself and your children away from him, it's you and them next. Get some professional support, don't keep his dirty secret for him, tell people and get the support you need, he is a vile excuse for a human.

Not at all. I'm a working Mum and my child will always be with me.

GP … nah, he needs a referral to specialist clinic

Woooh harsh on the working mother there, that's uncalled for!

You need to show him the ERIC website and read it yourself

https://eric.org.uk/childrens-bladders/bedwetting/

You also need to know that supermarkets give over precious shelf space to pull ups for older girls and boys because there is a need for it. FFS, I am so angry on your SS's behalf to have his Dad treat him this way. Lots of children wet the bed. Your SS is not alone. Ds1 was year 6 before he was completely dry at night, we did everything on the ERIC website to help him, but we never treated him like shit for doing it.

So she has effectively abandoned him.

I think you're trying to convince yourself that he's a good dad who has never been violent just so that you can brush this under the rug and avoid taking action.

Your concerns about him hitting the other children as well come from somewhere. I don't think this was a once off - either that or he's normally a man with a 'my way or the highway' approach and you tiptoe around him.

Please report the bullying and abuse. You all need help.

What a fucking arsehole.
Just think OP, he will think nothing of doing the same to yours if they struggle. He's NOT a good dad. He's a nasty abuser. Like many others here, I'd be telling stepsons mum and divorcing the dickhead. I know its easy to say, but hitting a child for wetting the bed and compounding his shame and sadness by being, frankly, a bully is unforgivable. I'd be very surprised if this is the first incident of nastiness as well. Best of luck to you OP.

Abused children often fail to toilet train in the usual amount of time. Your partner is physically abusive, and I doubt this is the first time. You must report the incident to the police and the school and take your children and leave.

You need to find out what benefits you would be eligible for as a single mum. This needs to be done asap.

You need to report him to Social Services. You clearly have concerns about his violence, and your concerns are not confined to the oldest child.

You need to call Women's Aid and start making plans to get him out of your lives.
0808 2000 247 - Call, leave a message, they will call you back.
He has trapped you, and you need to find a way out.

His mother needs to be told, and she needs to start putting her child first.

You should call the school safeguarding lead too, and report what is happening.

The GP can definitely be told, and can point you to support.

Your DH is an abusive prick.

Get rid. This is such a massive red flag, that he is hitting his child over bed wetting - he's a BULLY. that's all it is.

Fucking hell.

I’d bet its your partners intimidating and bullying behaviour which is causing anxiety in your stepson - causing the bed wetting

agree with this

You need to kick out this bully and report him to Social Services.

You need to have a long conversation with his mother.

Someone needs to step up for this poor child - does anybody actually love him? His mother has prioritized her work (is night shift work really her only choice?) and your P is a horrible man who shouldn't be allowed near any of his children.

He needs to be taken back to the doctor.

I suspect the main thing making him “good” is that he pays the bills… and THAT apparently trumps the welfare of the children?

You DO know that you would be entitled to a lot of help if you are a full time carer for a sick young child? You wouldn’t have to worry about rent.

Report him to both social services and the police, get a crime reference number and speak to Women’s aid and other women’s shelters.
You are NOT stuck, there’s lots of help.

Anyone who would treat a distressed child this way is very very sick!
Do not ignore this.

I hope other women will be along to tell you step by step what to do…

What a horrible, horrible man. I would tell his mother, and I'd be very careful about leaving your children with him too.

It's not that he hasn't been violent before, it's that you've never caught him doing it before.

The updates just get more and more horrific.
You call a man who would not take his kid to the doctor, who bullies and attacks the child a good dad? Those poor kids.

Not read the full thread (so this will have been said already, I am sure) but it is likely that your DP was also a bed wetter. It is hereditary in many cases. It is possible the children you have with him will also have an issue. Do you want them to be dealt with in the same way?

Your youngest has SEN?

This is what the future looks like for your baby when he starts with behaviours that your dp doesn't consider acceptable.

Go onto entitled to and see how much you would get in benefits and plan from there.

I could never, ever stay with a man like this.

Apart from this he is a good dad

He isn't a good dad at all. He bullies his 11-year-old child for an already difficult condition that the child cannot help, and hits him. There is no level on which he is a good dad if he's even capable of that.

What the hell have I just read?

Your stepson CANNOT HELP wetting the bed. If anything, your partner's horrible behaviour could actually make it worse, as trauma/fear/stress is one of the things that can aggravate the problem.

My ex's son had the same issue with bed-wetting at this sort of age. It's really not that uncommon, especially in boys - my ex's son eventually grew out of it around the age of 12/13 I think. And while it's usually just a physical issue, it can definitely be triggered or worsened by emotional stress and things like PTSD (that was certainly factor with my ex's son, poor kid).

Your partner is physically and emotionally abusing his 11-year-old son. He is abusive and cruel,. You seriously, seriously need to get away from this man and I would also be speaking to your stepson's mum and/or contacting the NSPCC or social services about his son's welfare. This is one of the most upsetting things I've ever read on here. That poor little lad.