‘D’P hit stepson

And I’m 45 now and if I’m staying anywhere new, I still get the fear that I may wet the bed - which is ridiculous, but the shaming and shouting I endured left it’s mark.

God, I don't know what I would do in your position. In theory you leave the b£%&!_d. But in all honesty I would worry that wasn't the best way to protect the children. Firstly, would the mum have your stepson if you told her, or be happy for you to continue having him with your children? Not that it's your responsibility, but would you want to have him to stop his mum having to rely on his dad? Are you in a position to leave, without needing to rely on him for childcare? Would he be likely to want to take responsibility for your kids if you left him? Normally men like this cba but the fact that he has your SS most of the time would concern me if I were you. Can you get some advice from dv charities or the NSPCC? You need to leave him, but you also need to put protection for your children and your SS in place before you do.

Your DP is a RAGING TWUNT!!

He's an ignorant, abusive piece of shit.

That poor boy, honestly 😔

That poor boy. No 11 year old is going to wet the bed if he can control it. Even if he was treated fine he would still be humiliated. But to he hit for it, my God. I hope you or his mother get him out of this situation at once.

Get your children away from this man as soon as possible. He will start on them soon. The psychological damage he is doig to his son is dreadful. Make sure his mother knows what is going on.

You aren't interfering, you are intervening to prevent child abuse.

And why does he think your SS will get bullied at secondary school.

How would they know?

Poor kid. He will hit your children too.

Then have a little chat with social services

There is no 'apart from this'

Any 'parent' who does this and as this attitude is a piece of shit that I wouldn't be able to look at.

Stop making excuses. He's abusive

On the bed wetting front- maybe make sure he doesn't drink anything 2h before bed but make sure he drinks plenty throughout the day and when he wakes up. That might help.

Do you get dla for your child with SEN? You might be surprised by how much support you'll get via UC - including rent if you don't own a house.
If your dp has only ever known a similar reaction from his own parents then he might need help building a new set of parenting skills. I feel sick about how he's dealt with it - but it does smack of a lack of understanding and desperation. That's not an excuse.
Tell his mum. Ask her to make Dr appt. Report to social services. Ask school for early help referral.
I worry about your dss having to leave the house and feeling like he's been rejected.

your partner is an abusive cunt. Please tell this poor child’s mother what his ‘father’ is doing.

I was a very late bedwetter, probably until about 12. I got shouted at for it a lot. I was taken to the doctor eventually and given some very effective medicine...but all the shouting and shaming made me extremely embarrassed to go to the doctors, I thought going to the doctors was a punishment.

When I went on sleepovers or went on holiday as a child, I used to try to stay awake all night.

My mum still recalls how sorry she felt for me, and it really upset her one morning when we'd been camping and she found me trying to wash my own sleeping bag in the sink in the communal block of toilets (I'd clearly fallen asleep that night). But the reason I was doing that was to try and hide it from her.

Awful behaviour OP. Your DH will make your stepson distressed and anxious. He is a bully and I would tell your steps sons Mother what has happened.
My younger dc wets the bed. He is 12. He can go a week without any accidents and then wake up to wet sheets. We use drynites and change the bed. DH and I would never be angry as it is something our ds will grow out off. He doesnt do it on purpose, doesnt drink for a couple of hours before bedtime and goes to the bathroom before going to sleep. It is one of those things. My DH used to wet the bed around the same age and his father use to get irritated by it. It made my DH anxious.

Perhaps if you can, seek professional help, (rather than rely on some "demonstrably" unconcious opinions and judgements) that have no context. It sounds like considered help is needed. I am sorry you are in this situation and hope you find resolution.

OP, this is an indication of how he will treat your own children. Do not ignore it. Also, for the sake of your poor step son please tell the mother about the verbal and physical absuse.

@Stuckinthemiddle7890 incorrect. She wrote that her boyfriend thinks the child.is doing it for attention, showing he has never bothered to educate himself in his child's development. He is a bully. He would not take his child to the GP. Even without the assault, he cannot be described as a good father and it's disturbing that OP thinks he is.

No one should be with a child abuser.
@Ponderingwindow he's just a boyfriend.

My DSis wet the bed well into teens. It was only when my DF left that the bed wetting stopped. Literally overnight. DF was an overbearing arsehole of a man.

Your partner is probably the cause.

That poor boy.

His dad is meant to protect him.

Please get him some drynites, bedwetting at this age is more common than we think, my little sister did, another family member did quite late, he used to stay with us a lot, we got him drynites and left them in a cupboard so he could deal with it privately, without any embarrassment.

Your husband is a disgrace and should be ashamed

He isn't a 'good dad' or even 'an ok dad'

He's abusive and has shown his violent side

You need to report this

I think your comment is a massive stretch. The op had said nothing like this happened before and she's trying to explain generally he is a good dad. Also with all due respect most ppl don't leave their partners because they struck their child on the arm once so cut the op some slack. There are massive red flags and the op is trying to figure out what to do that's why she's asked for some advice. Op I think you need to alert the boys mum immediately and I mean now and ensue he's not left alone with your partner until you and the boys mum decide what to do , also even if your partner instructs you not to help the boy clean up you must absolutely help him. You're an adult in the home and your support must lie with your step son. The safety of that child must be your priority. If partner doesn't like it and you are worried for safety call the police.

I would imagine if your DC has special needs, then your husband will likely abuse them one day too. You need to protect all three children and report this.

Your SS is likely anxious living in an abusive household.

If you do not report this, and then decide to leave your DH will get unsupervised access to your children.

Until you do something about this, you are an accomplice.

Bloody hell. Your partner is abusive, op. Your poor stepson. Does he have a decent mother at least?

thats deplorable behaviour. A lot of older bed wetting can be caused by anxiety.

what is going to happen to your own children with him if hes already used the “i was hit harder” trope. - firm believer you cant hit anyone, especially children, and then tell them you still love them. What would happen if it happened again and your other DC witnessed what is physical abuse.

That poor boy and poor you too. My DH was bullied by his parents for wetting the bed, and has never forgotten how they chose to humiliate and shout at him rather than help him. He has no contact at all with them now. Your partner would do well to remember that his son will never, ever forget how he was treated.