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Original poster

‘D’P hit stepson

235 replies

289406520t · 27/03/2024 14:42

I've been with my partner for 6 years. We have have a 4 year old and 18 month old together. He also an 11 year old.

Stepson wets the bed, he went to the GP and they said he would grow out of it he would wear drynites but at the start of Feb (just after he turned 11) partner told him he was too old for them and refused to buy them, telling him he'd get bullied in secondary school. I tried to talk to him but he said by buying them he was encouraging him to ‘misbehave’

His mum works shifts so we have him most of the time, it varies when she has him due to her shifts so she mostly takes him out for the day/picks him up from school and gives him his dinner etc.

Just after partner stopped buying the drynites stepson was very upset one morning trying to hide that he'd wet the bed. I helped him change his bedding and didn't tell partner as he was very upset and embarrassed.

He had been doing well and hadn't wet the bed for around 2-3 weeks but this morning he woke up with a wet bed. I wasn't home when he woke up so he attempted to change it himself and was caught by partner. I'd just gotten home and could hear partner shouting at him, telling him he's fed up of the behaviour as he hadn't done it in a while so he's capable of not, said he's attention seeking etc. Stepson was upset and telling him he didn't mean it etc and partner hit him on the arm and told him to do his own washing.

I attempted to help him but was told I was encouraging it and undermining him. Partner doesn't see he's in the wrong for any of this, including the hitting. Using the excuse he was hit much harder as a child.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable for getting involved

OP posts:
Original poster
289406520t · 27/03/2024 19:11

Partner got back from work and bought sweets back for stepson and has apologised to him. He's told me he wet the bed up until he was around 14/15, he had a sleepover at around stepsons age and another child noticed and told their classmates causing him to get bullied which he doesn't want for stepson. He said he's been thinking about it and he realises hitting him was wrong but he's frustrated/worried about stepson and his future.

I think I still will tell stepsons mum but I'm unsure about what else to do.

OP posts:
Minata · 27/03/2024 19:08

Oh poor baby. He's so little and this is out of his control, feel so sad that he's been hit over this. Agree with everyone else. Tell his mum and the school too

MCOut · 27/03/2024 19:05

I despair at the world. How can a grown man think bed wedding is somehow intentional?

LaptopGoblin · 27/03/2024 18:53

Sausage1989 · 27/03/2024 18:33

Its the most upsetting thing I've read and OPs reaction

Show quote history

To be fair OP has said she will tell his mum and she will be leaving him, so it’s clear she understands the gravity of it all.

AlwaysGinPlease · 27/03/2024 18:52

Call the police and dump him. Obviously. Or you're complicit. If SS get involved, they will assume you are.

Mostlyoblivious · 27/03/2024 18:44

‘Apart from that he’s a good Dad’

what the actual..!?

He abused his child. Apart from that? There is no apart from that.

Minfilia · 27/03/2024 18:44

Thats awful. Poor DS. i can’t believe your idiot P thinks he’s doing it on purpose!

I suggest you tell him it IS your business as it’s happening in your home to someone you care about. And tell him if he lays another finger on him then next time you’ll call the police and SS and not just his bio mum…

caringcarer · 27/03/2024 18:39

PlumbersWifey · 27/03/2024 14:45

That's awful. Tell his mum. The child shouldn't be staying with his dad.

This. As if an 11 year old would be wetting the bed on purpose. How ridiculous for your h to say that.

Sausage1989 · 27/03/2024 18:33

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 27/03/2024 16:07

The updates just get more and more horrific.
You call a man who would not take his kid to the doctor, who bullies and attacks the child a good dad? Those poor kids.

Its the most upsetting thing I've read and OPs reaction

Ruralrules · 27/03/2024 18:32

As a 50+yr old woman who was physically punished herself I actually find this really upsetting.That poor child, trying to change his bed and being humiliated. You have to take action on this, it's really distressing.

LaptopGoblin · 27/03/2024 18:23

Bed wetting is hormonal. Lots of children go through it. Screaming at and hitting will make it worse.

Honestly I’d be thinking about LTB and telling your stepsons mother. He hit his son over something he cannot help.
i would not want this man around my children, he cannot control his temper.

Marblessolveeverything · 27/03/2024 18:20

@Whyarepeoplesoweird the poor child is living with an abusive parent. How on earth would children at school know?

There is obviously a medical reason which could be anxiety, hormonal but not drinking before bed is unlikely to sort just lead to a child not hydrating enough.

There is an organisation that can give advice. Not sure of UK version.

Anguish · 27/03/2024 18:18

OMG poor little lad, make sure you give the little guy some love and support OP.

TwistedCable · 27/03/2024 18:13

as an aside, someone needs to organise a consult with a specialist bedwetting advice service. This needs dealing with and it’s crap parenting not to do so

Pookerrod · 27/03/2024 18:11

You need to tell the mother, like immediately!

I couldn’t stay with a man like that. And I was thinking of using my first ever LTB, but if you do leave, that would leave your stepson with his father alone. Which would be awful. Who would protect him then?

God, this story makes me want to cry. Please please please tell the mum.

hackedoff123 · 27/03/2024 18:06

My heart breaks for that poor boy. Your husnand sounds like the bully. I hope he doesn't treat all of you like this.

Natbro · 27/03/2024 18:04

What on earth are you doing in a relationship with someone like that? Absolutely vile pig of a man he is.

sparkellie · 27/03/2024 18:01

Bobbotgegrinch · 27/03/2024 17:48

You need to leave and protect the two children you can, and you need to contact social services and let them know that he's abusing his son.

I agree, but leaving also leaves the chance that her children, and ss, would then be solely under the supervision of her partner, whereas at the moment as a sahm she is able to be there. It's not as straightforward as ltb, unless she is going to go into hiding and refuse him any access, which is she is unlikely to be able to enforce long term if he is likely to go through legal proceedings to see them.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 27/03/2024 17:58

He is disgusting and you need to walk away.

zazazoop · 27/03/2024 17:56

You need to tell his mum your partners a bully

Bobbotgegrinch · 27/03/2024 17:48

You need to leave and protect the two children you can, and you need to contact social services and let them know that he's abusing his son.

ironorchids · 27/03/2024 17:41

Whatthechicken · 27/03/2024 17:30

And I’m 45 now and if I’m staying anywhere new, I still get the fear that I may wet the bed - which is ridiculous, but the shaming and shouting I endured left it’s mark.

This might happen to your stepson OP and your DP is possibly the reason he is bed wetting at age 11.

I'm not sure what you can do about the chance of him getting your kids 50% of the time if you leave him and then being free to do this to them as well while you're not there.

As pp have said maybe getting social services involved is an option. I would think long and hard before involving social services in my family life in case it has unintended consequences and perhaps seek information from someone who'd been in this situation before and had their involvement.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 27/03/2024 17:39

Whyarepeoplesoweird · 27/03/2024 17:35

With any luck the kid will tell the teacher and the teacher will report it to the welfare team and getting social services involved. Absolutely no excuse for hitting. If he hits him, he'll hit your 4 year old and little one too eventually. You picked a bad one.
The bed wetting however would annoy me at age 11. He will get bullied and he's far too old to be doing that. Something definitely wrong there and dr shouldn't be saying he'll grow out it. Ban drinks 2 hours before bed time and make sure he pees before bed.

Something definitely wrong there? You reckon? Could it be having to spend so much time with his abusive father the thing that's "wrong with him?"

Whyarepeoplesoweird · 27/03/2024 17:35

With any luck the kid will tell the teacher and the teacher will report it to the welfare team and getting social services involved. Absolutely no excuse for hitting. If he hits him, he'll hit your 4 year old and little one too eventually. You picked a bad one.
The bed wetting however would annoy me at age 11. He will get bullied and he's far too old to be doing that. Something definitely wrong there and dr shouldn't be saying he'll grow out it. Ban drinks 2 hours before bed time and make sure he pees before bed.

Marblessolveeverything · 27/03/2024 17:33

MrsBungle · 27/03/2024 14:44

Your partner is vile and abusive. Poor child.

This. Get your children away from him and advise the ss mother. If the ss discloses to the school hopefully it will trigger some oversight, that poor child. What a disgusting human being

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