‘D’P hit stepson

Has he told stepson what he told you about his experience as a child? If not he should, that will help the SS not feel so ashamed and alone, and they can address the emotions of it together.

Your husband is an abusive cunt.

My god. I’d be so ashamed to be married to someone who behaved like that. He will treat your poor children that way.

Despicable.

Obviously not right to hit his son but there is a lot of psychological evidence that times we had trauma as children are the times that we get angry as a parent because it's making us relive that unresolved childhood trauma. He should get some therapy to address this so it doesn't happen again.

What a horrible partner you have, hitting a child cause of wetting the bed. Your ss can't help it. Please buy him the pads so he can stay dry. I'm a mother of a 15 ds, he also bed wets, I know its out of his control, I don't scream or hit him because of this. Do not punish him it will only make matters worse. Poor boy

It doesn’t justify his behaviour but makes sense as to why DP reacted that way. He needs to know that by punishing his son, he’s likely to do it more out of anxiety. He needs to be encouraged no drinks after a certain time, a wee before bed and maybe one of you could wake him for a wee when you go to sleep and let him have the dry nites. I expect once less of an issue is made, it will stop.

There was another thread on this this week.

To put her back in nappies at 6?? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/5035616-to-put-her-back-in-nappies-at-6

OP your DP is despicable.

Your step son CANNOT HELP IT.

Bed wetting is hormonal, he lacks the hormone to control it.

Stress and anxiety don't help either.

I know - I was 14 when it finally stopped.

My mother NEVER made me feel bad about it.

That poor boy.

Personally i'd take him aside there and then) out of earshot of step son and make your feelings and boundaries clear. I wouldn't be OK with this for my kids, ever.

I'd then expect him to apologise to his son and not do it ever again. Otherwise, yes I would be talking your step sons mother. I doubt she would allow this either.

You need to tell step sons mum, the fact your step son is trying to hide the bed wetting shows that he is anxious and probably embarrassed, his dad then humiliating him over something he can’t control is awful and only going to make the situation worse..

my stepdaughter is 12 and still has accidents in the night, we’ve taken her to the doctors and tbh it’s a lot more common than you would think at his age, people just don’t glorify it due to there age.
Turns out there is a hormone that usually kicks in and helps the urinating at night slow down/stop, she still bedwets, the doctors have said at this stage there’s no concerns and it will be a case of waiting for the hormone to balance out basically.

if his dad makes a big thing about this it will only get worse, stress can cause things such as UTIs etc and if he develops one of these he will also have regular/more accidents at night.

i say to my stepdaughter that if she wants to try and go through the night without any support (I.e the pants you can buy) then that’s her decision and we’ll support her with it, if it turns out she does and has an accident i let her know she can always come to one of us to help sort the sheets out and stuff and I express it isn’t that big of a deal and everyone’s body does things differently.

she originally did try hiding it I.e putting cushions over the wet patch so all we did was have a chat with her to let us know if she had any issues so we can help her.. she did this originally because her mum at home would tell her off over wetting the bed and make out she was just being difficult.. it certainly isn’t the case.

her dad and mum are handling the situation now the same way and she is doing much better, stress and anxiety is going to be triggering this, it’s horrible not being in control of something and then being blamed for it..

I would tell step sons mum, get his dad to sit and speak to step son to explain how wrong his (the dads) behaviour was and that is not how you treat someone,, I’d then expect him to get some anger management.. personally I don’t think I would trust him again after this but that has to be your decision, either way mum has a right to know, step son probably won’t tell her due to fears of being caught doing so, you need to do this for him.. also sweets don’t make up for belittling and humiliation.. nor does it make up for hitting either.

Sweets?

The fact that this man knows that his child can't help it because he was in the exact same position himself until he was well into his teens, yet feels it appropriate to shame and hit him makes it even worse.

His excuse is that he will get bullied at school? Not as badly as he's being bullied at home, he's a stain of a man. Tell his mother. Tell school, hopefully somebody somewhere will kick in some safeguarding, as you don't seem to be able to if you're mollified by a bag of sweets.

What an awful thing to do!! He's not going to be able to shame him out of it.
I would be livid! Does the boys mum know?
Why does he think it's bad behaviour? Does he think stepson is doing it for attention? Did he take him to the doctor the first time? If not maybe having a doctor explain it to him would be helpful. But honestly I'd never be able to look at DP the same way ever again.

Enuresis clinics are often run by school nurses. Ring the school and get a contact number for the relevant office.
Also, it may be possible to get Dry Nites or similar through them, as a medical need.

Oh god op, I see you minimising this from a mile off.

He's bought sweets and apologised, he's just frustrated and actually trying to protect his son.

Sounds like my ex who just hit me because he was frustrated, then would buy flowers or some shit and apologise and on and on it went for years.

As I said before op your dh is getting frustrated at his sons bed wetting, even though he can't help it, then resorted to violence. What happens when he gets frustrated with your SEN child for behaviours they can't control too? Never mind he might buy a bag of haribo afterwards, that will make up for the assault.

I've made appointments and taken my DSD to the doctor before with no issues. Maybe worth a try.

Read the OPs latest update. He was and that’s why he hit his son.

What a vile man. I wonder if your dh was a late bedwetter?

I wet the bed every night and my father did not spare his leather belt. It didn't make me stop. I am convinced his beatings made me worse. Please stop this abuse.

FFS. A little too late for sweets, don't you think? Christ.

This is one of the worst things I’ve ever read on here.

You do not punish someone for something they cannot help.

I can’t imsgine the shame of wetting the bed and then getting hit for it. No wonder the poor boy was trying to hide it.

It doesn’t matter if he’s 3 or 43.
You dont shame or punish someone for accidentally wetting the bed.

I accidentally leaked from my period a couple of weeks ago.
I can’t imagine anyone shaming me over it.

Sorry, because he brought home sweets and apologised all is well with the world? You need to show you can protect your children. When step son tells school or his Mum, your not going to look good if you stood by and allowed a child to be abused.

Your husband needs serious professional help and until he has had that, he should not be around the children.

And the 'I'm sorry but' is fucking disgusting.

I wet the bed until 13 and now my DS is 9 and is the same - there is a genetic component. We’ve been to the Enuresis clinic three times, and I mentioned it to the paediatrician recently when there for an unrelated reason - both say a child cannot help wetting the bed. Until the hormone vasopressin is produced a child has no/little
control over bedwetting. There are things you can do to help in the meantime with varying success. Your DP could try and do something constructive like asking the GP for another referral to an enuresis clinic.

However, your DP is being an arsehole and needs to educate himself on a website such as the ERIC charity.

Up to you what you do now. All the calls to contact the police and safeguarding will fall on deaf ears - kids are getting battered to death in plain view - yet another case reported today - so why would the authorities care about this incident. Terribly sad but true.

One day he's doing to do the same to your child.

Bedwetting is often genetic. If your husband wet the bed until his mid-teens it’s likely his son will too. I wet the bed well into my teens and drynites are certainly less humiliating than wet beds, it’s miserable to feel utter embarrassment over something you can’t control and to have the added worry of how your family will react. Your husband needs to let his son go back to drynites and he needs to accept that it’s not his son’s fault. What an awful abusive man.

Christ that just makes him even more of a cunt doesn't it.

"I'm going to thump my son and bully him even though I have first hand experience of exactly the same thing"

As I said right at the beginning, I was positive that he had been in the same situation himself. At least he has processed why he was so angry and knows it was unreasonable. But what if it happens again? It is possible your joint children will also be bed wetters until they are in their teens. How is he going to deal with that? Will you take the risk?

He needs to get some anger management first off. He cannot let his own feelings lead to a loss of control. Of he wants to make amends he needs to actually get this sorted. Hitting a child is never acceptable, and his own history isn’t an excuse. If he wants to continue to parent he needs to seek support for the fact he lashed out.