‘D’P hit stepson

So he hit him and is now lovebombing him with sweets - classic cycle of abuse

He has caused trauma in his son which he will always remember - in the same way he remembers being bullied only this time instead of it being some random kid it is his father. A few Haribo won't alter that.
What he has done is despicable and I would never feel the same again about someone who did that to a child.

OP what's his mum like? I ask because if she's a good mum tell her to get her son help. Tell your twat of a dp that he's actually making it worse for dss. By now having to hide it and being in fear he's causing more anxiety and stress for dss which means this will all affect his bed wetting even more. I'm not medically trained but I also wouldn't accept a generic response of he'll grow out of it at 11year old. Something is going on , that boy needs help and that gp may have got it wrong. Seek a second opinion and please do right by that kid and get him some help OP. Today's it's dss tommorrow your own could be in that situation so please help him. Your partner needs a stern word ( maybe a punch because you know he grew up with it so it's ok right) . And then think long and hard about if this man is right for your kids to be around.

I really hope this shitty behaviour isn't going to be glossed over because the arsehole produced a bag of haribo and a sob story. From working with a women's shelter buying gifts after abuse is textbook. The poor kid.

It's called enuresis he needs meds and will grow out of it when he hits puberty. Does he have adhd?

I found that really upsetting to read. That poor child.

Your update is unsettling as it seems you are going to excuse this abusive behaviour.

Poor child. This has really upset me.

If your DSS is wetting the bed at 11 he needs to go to the GP and get his hormones checked (there is often a medical issue going on linked to hormones).

I would see it as a massive red flag.

This has made me sad to read. Both my boys were late to be dry at night, my oldest ended up on desmopressin for a few years which mostly worked really well to keep him dry. He was about 14 by the time he was dry without the desmopressin. My youngest was about 9/10 by the time he was dry. I can’t imagine the distress your SS must be feeling over something he has no control over. I can’t tell you how many times we had wet bedding / pjs to deal with and as he got older my poor son was mortified but we just tried not to bat an eyelid over it although sometimes there might be an internal sigh at all the washing to be done. No one wants to be wet at night. Get your SS some professional help and show your husband this thread and let him see what people think of him and his methods of dealing with this. Its abuse.

Just read your update, If he was a bed wetter until his mid teens then your partner is even more abusive.

Your partner is ignorant and abusive. The boy can’t help wetting the bed, he isn’t lazy or dirty, or seeking attention. It’s an hormonal thing, his body isn’t producing the hormone that wakes him up.
How do I know this? Because I was a bed wetter until I was a teen. The difference is my parents didn’t shame me or abuse me for it. It stopped spontaneously when I was 14. Back then there wasn’t much anyone could do but there is help nowadays.
The boy needs support, not shaming. Her certainly does not deserve this, poor boy. Do have a good relationship with his mum, could you speak to her about your concerns? She really needs to know.
. He needs help.

Awful and shows how ignorant your partner is. Bed wetting stops when hormones kick in so this isn’t a deliberate behaviour. There are also tablets from the dr for bed wetting. And why would he tell anyone at secondary school about his bed wetting? X

Your partner is an abusive disgusting animal.

Report that shit pronto and make sure the mum knows.

Get DSS to see GP and keep that man away from your own DC.

I can sympathise in a way as my DS used to wet the bed and I got him to help with changing the bedding so he 'was part if the solution'. However, clumping him was never an option. What a pig!

This is honestly one of the worst things I've read on here. An 11 year old already is filled with utter shame about this. He doesn't need anymore from his father.

Also, I'm pretty sure he's lying about the g.p. There's no way they would be able to diagnose that as 'not medical.' There are tablets that are routinely prescribed as well as a whole host of other things. I'm assuming he's tried tablets, alarms, upping fluid intake, been investigated for constipation etc before DP has resorted to shame and hitting.

Please work out what you would get in child support and benefits if you were to leave him. I think he sounds awful, hitting his poor ds who will now be even more anxious.

Look, I’ve been in an abusive marriage that started with little things I tried to minimise.

They got bigger and I left.

You know you’re in a vulnerable financial position, so it’s evident that you’re going to let him pretend it never happened. Until next time.

You need to tell the boy’s mum, or you’re colluding with the abuse. And you need to find a way to leave him.

You should tell him he needs to do a whole lot more than that, and that currently the biggest risk to this child’s future is trauma from how he was parented by your ‘d’p. Tell him you are reconsidering your relationship unless he can fix his parenting
he needs to book professional help, and he needs to be honest with his child about where his anger came from and he commits to being nothing but supportive. He buys him some drynites for this conversation as a sign he takes back everything he’s said.

Oh fuck off does he scream and hit a child because he doesn't want them to be bullied. It's abuse pure and simple. You were already minimising things when you went along with banning the overnight pants and helping the child hide the laundry. Now you aren't sure what to do? Tell the boy's mother, tell the school safeguarding lead, tell his GP. Tell whoever you need to get this to stop. Poor poor boy.

My second DS was 8 before he was dry! It was never his fault, never any anger or shame for him.

It's so sad for the SS!

Ahh that's really sad, my daughter is 9 an has wet the bed pretty much every night forever, back an forth with doctors an hospital for tests she has daytime/nocturnal bladder incontinence an she is mortified every morning, we have thick hospital sheets to protect the mattress an sheets , but she would be absolutely devastated if I blamed her for it, I feel very sorry for stepson be doesn't choose to do this xxx

That's awful. Poor lad. I wet the bed till I was his age and it can often be due to anxiety and trauma. If his parents have split up when he was a child and now he's essentially being abused for wetting the bed, it's no wonder it's continuing.

Just as a suggestion that might be helpful for him to manage his bed wetting discreetly, my mum used to have a clean cotton sheet on the bed, then on top she'd put a plastic sheet (or even an empty bin bag laid flat!) and then another cotton sheet on top. Then when I'd wake up wet, she'd just have to whip off the wet sheet and plastic sheet, and there would be a clean dry sheet underneath ready to go. It was for efficiency back then but might help him manage with wet sheets in the night.

It's such a terrible position for you to be in. Could you have a quiet word with his mum? Good luck xx

This, exactly. That is shockingly nasty and cruel behaviour by your partner. What a horrible cunt. Your poor stepson! I would tell his mum and let her decide whether she wants to leave her son with an abusive father. You should also take steps to protect your own children.

What an awful father he is, if I were you I would be buying and supplying the drynight pants to your step son every night before bed.

This 100%

If your partner accepts this is his problem not his son’s and accesses help to process his issue then you have a fighting chance.