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AIBU?

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Original poster

17 year old boys driving a car-full of mates

187 replies

95percentcocoa · 26/03/2024 21:25

It’s dark and pouring with rain and past 9 pm. My 17 year old son is mad that I don’t want him getting picked up and getting driven around all evening by his 17 year old friend who has just passed his test this week in a car full of their mates.

It just seems like a recipe for disaster to me and would prefer he waits for a few weeks / drives him in daylight etc. He says I’m over anxious and paranoid. AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
twohooverwannabe · 26/03/2024 22:09

I am dreading this stage Sad

Tootytoot78 · 26/03/2024 22:03

Some years ago a colleague lost her 18 year old son in a car crash when he was a passenger in his mates car.
When she eventually returned to work, I vividly remember her saying to me " There will always be an empty chair at our dining table now". I have never forgotten the utter devastation in her face.

YANBU.

RozTheSchnoz · 26/03/2024 22:03

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/655298?

hellsBells246 · 26/03/2024 22:03

Margaritavillee · 26/03/2024 21:28

He’s 17 so I think yabu. God forbid he could cross the road tomorrow and get hit by a bus. Daylight/lack of rain doesn’t guarantee safety. Plus you saying no makes him look a bit sad

Do you have a 17yo??

stayathomer · 26/03/2024 22:02

In Ireland and nearly weekly now there’s a teenager or very young person killed in a car. We hammer home the dangers of getting in a car with a non experienced driver more than we do anything else. I don’t know what they can do but honestly it just seems that young men and cars don’t mix, anytime I’m passed out dangerously by a car it’s nearly always that demographic and I think ‘oh god I hope I don’t see them on the news later’

looknicejackie · 26/03/2024 22:02

I'd like to see some sort of graduated driving too. Can drive mum & dad but no under 25's.

carerlookingtochangejob · 26/03/2024 21:57

Waltzers · 26/03/2024 21:51

I would have stopped him too. I can think of several accidents when I was at school involving car loads of teens.

I now live in Victoria, Australia where there are passenger restrictions for the first year after passing your test, and you have to have 120 hours of driving experience before you can even take the test. The teens don't necessarily like the system but as a parent, I sure do!

This sounds like a really sensible system. I wish we would implement similar in the uk

Haanaah · 26/03/2024 21:55

Haanaah · 26/03/2024 21:35

A parents nightmare. I stopped my DS in similar situations.

Youngsters think they are invincible. Cars are lethal.

Sadly, very local to me.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-68568125

And in this case OP, the driver has been jailed. He survived, but his life will never be the same.

My DS is 25 now, I still always remind him of his driving. Remind him of the consequences.

Mucholderlittlewiser · 26/03/2024 21:53

Margaritavillee · 26/03/2024 21:28

He’s 17 so I think yabu. God forbid he could cross the road tomorrow and get hit by a bus. Daylight/lack of rain doesn’t guarantee safety. Plus you saying no makes him look a bit sad

If he's looking sad he's alive.

Waltzers · 26/03/2024 21:51

I would have stopped him too. I can think of several accidents when I was at school involving car loads of teens.

I now live in Victoria, Australia where there are passenger restrictions for the first year after passing your test, and you have to have 120 hours of driving experience before you can even take the test. The teens don't necessarily like the system but as a parent, I sure do!

Axx · 26/03/2024 21:50

No chance. When DS passed he was pretty nervous still and no way I'd have let him ferry mates around aimlessly.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 26/03/2024 21:49

I was grateful that DD seemed to be making her own judgements on the safety of other teen drivers who were happy to offer her lifts to places when they had just passed.

When I asked whether she was going on a trip somewhere, where a Harry had offered to give her a lift she told me she'd replied "No Harry - I choose life!" because she deemed him too risky.

Original poster
95percentcocoa · 26/03/2024 21:47

Thanks for the replies and sorry for anyone who's been involved in these horrible accidents. I am always checking myself to not let unreasonably anxious thoughts interfere with him having fun and being independent. However it seems my instincts are justified in this instance.

OP posts:
sleepyscientist · 26/03/2024 21:47

Depends what he is driving and what they are generally like. Ie sensible vs reckless.

We all got sturdy cars as 1st cars (Mini, golf, A3 etc) and it usually involved a McDonald's run on the most boring roads that you would struggle to hit 40 on and if you hit anything it would be a shit mams going to kill me (no trees to collide with) as you were in someone's front garden or the farmers field. I personally took out a farmers hedge at 10mph was more embarrassing confessing my sins so he would pull me out.

Just bought an SUV that will likely become DS 1st car in 5 years, part of picking it for me was the safety rating and that it's cheap to insure third party for a 17 year old!!

colouredball · 26/03/2024 21:44

You are absolutely right of course I think perhaps this is something people need to tell their kids about as fact from the mid teen years so there is no big surprise when the time comes

Nomorecoconutboosts · 26/03/2024 21:42

@95percentcocoa you've done the right thing but it can be thankless making the right decision and sticking to it

redalex261 · 26/03/2024 21:42

Definitely not unreasonable. They are inexperienced idiots at this age. Adding friends just makes it worse. TBH, wound be more worried about driving with friends a few weeks down the line when the cockiness sets in. They are careful first few weeks. It’s terrifying.

Abouttimeforanamechange · 26/03/2024 21:39

Definitely not being unreasonable.

Every time you read of a vehicle smash with 4-5 fatalities, you know it will turn out to be a carload of 17-18 yos.

There's always a number of them in the summer, post A Levels.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 26/03/2024 21:39

A 17 yr old where I live has just crashed head on into another car causing serious life changing injury to the other occupants. He had a car full of his mates and also tested positive for drugs. They really are too young to be driving with passengers, if at all.

Ossoduro2 · 26/03/2024 21:39

Well done for not letting him go. The more parents step in to protect their young lads from these situations the better. At this age their brains have not developed enough to recognise risks in the same way a 25 year old would. When you’re the only parent saying no it makes it so much harder.

Møøse · 26/03/2024 21:39

Haanaah · 26/03/2024 21:35

A parents nightmare. I stopped my DS in similar situations.

Youngsters think they are invincible. Cars are lethal.

Sadly, very local to me.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-68568125

Local to me too.
So many lives affected by this.
OP stick to your guns, it’s not worth it.

ScarlettOBan · 26/03/2024 21:38

When I was 17 and a passenger in a car with 3 friends, the driver was distracted as we were all laughing about something and pulled out without looking looking properly - I’ll spare you the gory details but I ended up with a fractured skull.

On a dark rainy night with a newly qualified driver involved, I don’t think you’re being over cautious.