To stop?

I’m definitely odd in my friendship group. They think I’m very self controlled not drinking every night. I’ve never “confessed” I don’t actually drink every weekend either. I do drink soft drinks from gin or wine glasses though - feels more grown up 😂

I can’t say I’ve ever noticed anyone change after just one drink -two maybe they’re a bit louder/more confident.

definitely a good idea to start healthy habits. Good luck!

I'm on the other side of this. My DH wfh and has been having a couple of drinks every evening before I get home thinking I don't know about it.
I can tell as soon as I walk in the door, it changes his mood slightly, he forgets things & repeats himself so nothing terrible but it then changes my approach to him and I'm short/impatient with him.
A couple of weeks ago he had a few days when he didn't drink and it was so lovely having him as his normal self for the evening.
I kept hoping he'd stop but in the end I told him I knew he was drinking as it's really annoying and I missed who he really is. He said he'd just got into the habit and agreed that he didn't realise the change in himself so has stopped drinking every night.

I would suggest starting with alcohol anonymous or similar. Drinking to your extent around children or responsible for children is abusive. Trust me your 8 year old will notice the bottles, the smells the noises .

Alcohol abuse isn't just a person being abusive it is the alcohol creating an abusive environment. I worked supporting many young people in my college days. , lots of adults have issues of their parents behaviour with alcohol from their childhood.

I gave up alcohol last April after a minor hangover made me realise that I wasn't 100% present for my children after a drink.

Now, almost a year later I realise I wasn't my best person after a drink. I am happier without.

My mum is also an alcoholic (she's now dry purely because she has Korsakoffs). I remember that awful change in voice where you know you'd be getting the drunk version. That was one of the reasons I stopped, didn't want my kids to experience any of that.

Given your history and your behaviour I would stop drinking. There are potentially genetic links to alcoholism.

Your frequency and volume (bottle) is not healthy. Plenty of people with drink issues can regulate themselves for decades but as you appear to have slipped into an unhealthy relationship with drink it is best avoided.

I would suggest kindly you seek some support, alcohol dependency in parents can be abusive in many ways.

Stop drinking. You'll not regret it however if you continue drinking you will have regrets.

No point beating yourself up about yesterday’s spilt milk. Just resolve to do better for yourself today. You are worth it!

The fact you are facing this head on rather than continuing with unhealthy habits prove you are a good person ♥️

You deserve to be happy and healthy. I'm proud of you ♥️

I think most people get a bit louder and less inhibited, maybe more relaxed - which is often why people drink socially. My partner is shy and he definitely becomes more open and chatty in social situations when he's had a couple of drinks, for instance. Obviously alcohol does affect the way we think/feel, which is why we drink it, let's face it! I'm speaking here as someone who greatly enjoys the chance to knock back a few drinks, so I'm definitely not judging you at all! I just think that while most people change a bit when they drink, if it's got to the point where you are putting on a different voice and your partner thinks you're like a different person, that's a bit more extreme than someone who just gets a bit more cheerful/confident/soppy.

FWIW you sound like a lovely person to me, and if you've been able to stop drinking for a whole week, that's a good sign. Like I said in my previous post, the fact that you were drinking a lot doesn't necessarily mean you're an alcoholic, but it does sound like perhaps you were overdoing it a bit?

I would think a glass to a bottle of wine night is quite a lot - if it's 8pm (how old are the DC?!) and you're drinking in the house alone, to the point you've drunk enough your accent changes (so drunk?) and someone can hear that on a phone call, I'd also be concerned in your DHs position. Especially with alcoholism in the family.

Definitely take what he's saying on board. I've had this happen and it was when I knew I was genuinely in trouble.

Can you restrict after one once the bottle is in the building? If not then literally allow yourself one of those little one glass bottles, or one can g&t, whatever but only ever buy one per day. See how long you can go without it and distract yourself.

Think of it as a health makeover. So cut down booze, more gentle exercise, try meditation? Healthier meals?

Once you're into that for a week or so you'll hopefully be able to reduce the one a day to 2 a week, then only special occasions, then never.

If you want support speak to your local alcohol service. Or go along to AA. You don't need to speak and it gives you a good distraction.

Yes. I’d always question someone’s motivation for telling me they had noticed something about me that then modified my behaviour or actives I was choosing to do. I never said it was controlling- just is OP comfortable for his motivation for bringing it up.

Talk to your friends though, don’t not go out, sit with a drink you enjoy that has no alcohol in it and talk to them(if they’re those sorts of friends). Best of luck op x

If you are not a different person when you drink why do you drink? Get to smart recovery or AA

If your mother was an alcoholic your sense of what is normal adult behavior is probably pretty screwed up.

Drinking a “glass to a bottle “ most nights is serious alcohol abuse/dependency.

Your dh is not the problem here. You are dependent on alcohol and it is a disinhibitor and a central nervous system depressant. The first produces social problems and the second produces moid and health problems.

The fact that you bring up your mother telling you that you are “nicer” when you drink is very telling. You have an unhealthy, romanticized, view of your drinking. You are just another alcoholic who dies not know how to manage sober.

Give over,would you say the same if a women was concerned about her husbands drinking.