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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect at least a proper thank you

62 replies

Ladylike0 · 25/03/2024 01:28

I recently organised a hen party for a close relative. It was very stressful and I put a huge amount of effort into trying to make it incredibly special for the bride and enjoyable for all of the guests too.
I had really good feedback from all of the guests but the bride barely spoke to me during the hen party and hasn’t said much since.
I kept thinking she was about to say thank you for all of your hard work and maybe say she enjoyed herself but I’ve now been waiting a week and it hasn’t happened.
I’m wondering what went wrong, she seemed to have a great time during the celebrations but I did notice she made several small digs at me.
I’m not too sure if I’m just being over sensitive or if she’s just overwhelmed and stressed with the wedding planning but she seems to be really off with me.
I’ve been feeling physically sick ever since the hen party and can’t sleep. I didn’t get the reaction I was expecting at all and I can’t work out why. I did ask if everything was ok but her reply just said she was fine but still quite passive aggressive. AIBU for expecting a bit more?

OP posts:
Whackawhacka · 25/03/2024 05:02

just projecting a bit here, did you do the perfect Hen for her or for you?

Someone organised a hen party for me and it was arguably a great success. However every part of the event wasn’t me. I wanted relaxed and casual, low cost to make sure my close friend could come. This was glamour and cocktails and I felt out of place and spent the whole time worrying that my friend couldn’t afford to keep up.

I smiled and tried to enjoy it as much as I could but was inwardly miffed that my hen just became and excuse to plan her perfect weekend.

TempleOfBloom · 25/03/2024 04:55

What was the nature of the digs?

stayathomer · 25/03/2024 04:41

Was she definitely passive aggressive? Some people’s texts don’t sound like if they’d said it face to face. If you’re really worried I think you should ring her and talk to her but if it does turn out she has a problem with how things were done do tell her you think you did a great job and it’s ridiculous to be this ungrateful!

Autienotnaughtie · 25/03/2024 04:36

It sounds like it's more that she's been off with you than actually saying thank you?

You asked if everything is ok, she said fine. I think you have to leave it. It may be that everything is fine and she's just a bit unappreciative.

Or something has niggled her . But if she doesn't tell you there's not a lot you can do.

At the end of the day you planned a nice event, she made passive aggressive digs and hasn't thanked you. Does she have form for being ungrateful?

Starseeking · 25/03/2024 04:08

YANBU given all that you said you did, but I'm guessing this was for your older sister, from whom you have sought validation since childhood?

Use this as a learning opportunity that you don't need her approval in life; you are enough.

penjil · 25/03/2024 03:55

Ladylike0 · 25/03/2024 01:49

I’ve actually done that already, stated in previous post. She replied fine and was quite passive aggressive.

Bollocks to her.

Forget it and move on.

Don't contact her again. The ball is in her court.

I'd even be unsure about going to the wedding. If she's passive aggressive again, just say "What exactly is the problem?"

Then cool/quit the friendship. You don't need it.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 25/03/2024 01:58

How close a relative?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/03/2024 01:56

Don't do things if you're expecting some kind of reward or acknowledgement. Live and learn.

coxesorangepippin · 25/03/2024 01:52

Leave it then

You live and learn eh

Ladylike0 · 25/03/2024 01:49

Dartmoorcheffy · 25/03/2024 01:41

Just message her a few say was everything ok

I’ve actually done that already, stated in previous post. She replied fine and was quite passive aggressive.

OP posts:
Dartmoorcheffy · 25/03/2024 01:41

Just message her a few say was everything ok

Happyinarcon · 25/03/2024 01:38

You planned a fabulous hens party, you’re a great friend. If the bride has a problem she needs to tell you, if she doesn’t then just forget it. You cant read her mind and you’re not responsible for her reactions. You’d be surprised how many passive aggressive people stop that behavior when it gets ignored.

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