To expect at least a proper thank you

It isn’t the bridezilla per se, op but your willingness to put up with extremely poor behaviour.

I can’t believe this is the first time she has behaved like this so why agree to do it? The very first issue was when you accepted the role. It sounds like you have put so much work into it - and she hasn’t even bothered to acknowledge you.

At this point most people would be telling her where to go or reducing contact to zero. Yet you are doubting yourself. Raking over what you did wrong. Despite doing nothing wrong.

She knows she can get away with endlessly treating you like shit, and you willl just put up with it - your self esteem needs lots of work. Start standing up for yourself! She isn’t worth it op. No one is worth it. Start looking after yourself, attending your own needs and protecting yourself from vultures. That’s the best place to begin.

Counselling will help but also just ignore their stupid moods and you find they get over them pretty quick.

sounds like whatever you had done she would have been unpleasant and ungrateful. Ignore her and move on. Work on your boundaries and doing things for you and not her !

Honestly?

I had family like this, I had some counselling and managed to form a better relationship with my sister, but not my brother.

But I'm free from the stress and worry.

Thoughts and prayers for her spouse.

I'd be minimising contact and not lifting a finger for her again in the future for sure.

“She’s known to be quite a difficult person and likes to be very passive aggressive instead of just telling you what the problem is.”
I minimise contact and certainly favours for people like this. Don’t put yourself in the firing line.

Just ignore it and move on then. You’ll never please her so stop trying.

Go to the wedding and afterwards ask another close relative what was wrong with the hen do.

Since the beginning of time the Maid of Honour/Chief BM or a close relative has organised the Hen. Of course it should be about the bride. Nothing entitled about it. Other people's celebrations shouldn't just be an excuse for a piss up or to get an activity the organiser wants subsiding.

I’d leave it now but distance yourself from her. She probably was expecting ‘something’ that did not materialise because she didn’t communicate exactly what she wanted and you are not a mind reader. She’s rude and ungrateful, it’s not you, not your issue, not your fault - move on and try put her out of your mind.

What did she actually say that was “passive aggressive”?
I’ve seen people not understand that phrase on here.
We can’t really judge the exchange as you’ve not actually said what it was.

was she expecting something completely different? Did she make any special requests? She is very rude regardless in my opinion not to even thank you. I arranged a friends hen once and it was hard work

I had the opposite experience as described by Meadowfinch - I wanted low-key and relaxing but ended up with rubber dildos and L-plates. Didn't fall out with my MoH but definitely felt a bit ignored.

You've asked her if all was ok, and she's replied. Leave it now.

I watched two friends at work do this. MoH put her all into organising a lovely day at a spa then dinner at a country house restaurant.
Bride to be was furious. Her tastes were more for excess alcohol, partying at a nightclub, chocolate penises and veils with L-plates on.

It ended in huge upset. MoH being replaced. People taking sides.

Neither was wrong, they just had different tastes. And bad communication.

No good deed goes unpunished!

Sod her, be as cold back as she is with you!

Honestly, I've learnt that being g the only person arranging something, means you're the one that gets blamed if it's not 100% correct! Others do nothing at all and are treated better.

It sounds like this is so out of character?
You wouldn't have noticed if she was always a selfish, grumpy type.
Definitely has a bee in her bonnet about something.

If she won't tell you, she may well have complained to someone else?

I can't bear passive aggression and would leave her to it.

Wouldn't be attending the wedding either. Would make an excuse, but that's just me.

This all sounds a bit toxic - her having digs, being PA, you feeling physically sick.

What were the digs and is this actually a healthy friendship?

It’s a bit extreme to be feeling sick and unable to sleep. Is there a back story here. Anxiety or a bad relationship?

Why the hell didn’t you organise your own hen if you have such fixed views on how you would like it to be??

The entitlement is breathtaking!

Op I would be furious with her, it is very ungrateful and rude. Stop messaging her. Stop contacting her and let her come to you. I wouldn’t want friends like this tbh. So would distance myself. These things are ALOT of work to organise, I would be massively unimpressed with her.

Yeah I was wondering this also, mind you I didnt have one (by choice! but no I have nothing against them)

Stop chasing her - yes you deserve a thanks but clearly due to her own issues, you aren’t going to get one. Stop contacting her, stop giving her power over you, try not to give her free rental space in your head and take a massive step back.