A wedding question

I work in a wedding venue and it can be what you want. We've done weddings under the tree outside for 10 guests, who have then had a very long formal wine filled 6 course meal for the same 10 guests.

We've done 10 for the day and 60 for the night. We've done autumnal weddings in a room with a big open fire and followed by a cosy 'family style' meal. We've had people hire the whole house in the winter for just 9 and they've got married and then just spent the weekend together, chatting, playing games, drinking.
I think weddings are now much more flexible than before- I can be whatever you want it to be.

2027!

It may not apply to you, but if there’s anything to be learned from Mumsnet it’s that pretending to want to get married and leading partners on, especially when there are kids involved, is incredibly common and the only person who ends up losing out typically is the woman.

My friends partner also had no reason to pretend, she never put pressure on over marriage, her partner even used to mention them getting married to her friends just as part of conversation, at one point he was showing me and the other girls engagement rings he’d supposedly been looking at! That didn’t stop him leaving her with 2 kids and no legal protection though.

If it was me personally, especially with a child involved, I would probably get “legally” married as in just on paper at the registry office so that you have that protection, then save and have your big special day whenever you can afford it. My best friend has just done this, they have actually just booked a beautiful venue in Northumberland for a 2026 wedding, but they have 2 young children together, so they went to the registry office a few weeks ago and got the legal bit done. It gives the best of both worlds really so you have the protection asap without having to compromise on your big day, my friend does not class the day they went to the registry office as their wedding day.

Yep. Because the whole concept and meaning of marriage is not about expensive rings and parties. If marriage is what you want, the bells and whistles are irrelevant. If he wanted to be married to you, he could be by the end of April.

I’ve read several times on here, stories of wanting to wait for the right time to propose, wanting to buy an expensive ring, wanting to have a big celebration and yet…….

I’m sure OP is confident about her partner, but, having made the decision, I don’t think I’d want to wait another three years. Of course people need to save, but the way things are going, the cost of living might mean that the ideal wedding slips further out of grasp.

It seems as though Santorini might not be an ideal location for a family wedding. Church and a golf club reception
A barn
Hotel

If you decide on abroad I'd talk to your sister too since it sounds like she's the one who might find it most difficult. Maybe you could talk to her about dates and locations so she could tag a holiday on as well somewhere she'd want to go rather than use up her holiday budget and annual leave just for your wedding?

Get legally married in a register office asap, just with 2 witnesses.

Honeymoon or family holiday in fancy abroad venue.

Big wedding celebration party back home in the summer, wear your wedding dress and have a ceremony of some sort, ie hand tying.

Win, win, win

It’s more odd that OP has had a DC with her DP without considering cohabitation vs marriage in terms if legalities, money etc. Perhaps OP is a high earner with her own assets: hope so!

This is exactly what is going through my mind having read about your partner's desires for the wedding/proposal. It strikes me as odd that he has chosen a ring that he wants to give you, but it seems as though you have no say in his choice? I'd hate to be given a ring I hadn't had input into, even more so if it's so expensive.

Have a chat with your sister and consider what ages her kids will be

Will you time it with school holidays? Or are you expecting them to take time off school?

The only thing I’d be wary of OP is that he’s not just using the excuse of an expensive ring to put off proposing/getting married. That’s what my friends partner did, they’d had years worth of discussions about where they’d get married, had even gone to wedding fayres, discussed guest lists and venues etc, but he always “wanted to propose properly with a proper ring” first. She insisted she’d be happy with a £30 ring from Pandora and genuinely meant that, she just wanted to marry him, but he was always “oh no, you deserve this amazing ring and this perfect proposal” etc etc. 5 years down the line still no ring and no wedding, another child later, and he left her. The talk of rings and proposals kept her sweet and stopped her pushing on timing but all it really meant in the end was that she ended up left with 2 kids and none of the legal protection that just a quick registry office marriage would have provided while they could then have saved for their big special day. Nobody ever thinks it would happen to them until it does so just be careful x

@askingaquestionaboutthis it all sounds very much like champagne tastes and beer money to me. DH not being able to afford a very expensive ring didn't delay our engagement or marriage. We had what we could afford.

Absolutely. And the religious, spiritual promises blessed by God have sailed here, which is why I suggested a register office wedding, done as simply as possible.

The OP seems to have crossed wires about what represents a marriage and an expensive shindig. I'm also not sure how an expensive wedding can be planned if they aren't yet engaged or why there has to be an expensive ring that requires ages of saving. If he can't afford the ring, than as sure as eggs are eggs, he can't afford an expensive wedding.

Ahh wrong thread hehe

Our families are around 100 miles apart so wherever we married there would be travel involved and overnight stays. We didn't want a big wedding. We got married abroad and said this is where it is. It would be lovely to see you but fully understand finances / childcare / annual leave etc. We said absolutely no gifts and meant it. (None of this no boxed gifts crap that really means money)
The people who came had a fabulous time. We were not in the slightest offended by anyone who didn't come. Because we're adults and we get it. And we didn't have a seating plan! Except top table everyone just sat wherever. We used a wedding company and they just did everything. We also had a day where we hosted everyone ( villa) informally at a little gathering.
We didn't bother with a big party when we got back because we still would have had the logistics of travel. And some had already travelled.

@RosesAndHellebores

They are religion specific marriage vows. I presume the OP is not having a church service. You are aware not all weddings are religious?

Plenty of places abroad really easy to get married and legal with nothing to do when you get home - Cyprus is a good place to look at, really simple to get married there.