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A wedding question

331 replies

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:34

Hi,

Partner of 9 years has finally (😂) started to make some noises about us getting married. He has floated the idea of a beach wedding in somewhere abroad (initial idea is Santorini) with just nearest and dearest (parents and bridesmaids etc) and our children there, followed by a party back home to celebrate where we can invite wider family and friends. He seems to think this would work out cheaper than a UK wedding. What are people's thoughts on the financial aspect of abroad versus home, and also just general pros and cons of each I might not have considered?

Thank you!

OP posts:
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6
Changingplace · 24/03/2024 17:23

VickyEadieofThigh · 24/03/2024 16:03

Have you read the link about how hard it is to get legally married in Greece? And the advice from me and others about Santorini?

Edited

It’s really not that hard to get legally married in Greece, and if (like me) you just can’t be bothered with sorting the paperwork there are tonnes of independent wedding planners who will pretty much sort it all for you.

https://www.gov.uk/marriage-abroad/y/greece/uk/opposite_sex

Marriage in Greece - Getting married abroad - GOV.UK

https://www.gov.uk/marriage-abroad/y/greece/uk/opposite_sex

Changingplace · 24/03/2024 17:15

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 16:21

I've checked - Greek weddings are legal in the U.K.

Yeah I think it’s pretty similar to Cyprus, where we got married - you get some paperwork signed by a solicitor before you go, and visit the local town hall when you arrive for them to check it. It’s a bit similar to what you do before you register your wedding ahead of getting married in the UK.

We used an independent wedding planner purely for the legal side to make sure it was all sorted (and because I couldn’t be bothered!) and she arranged the town hall meeting etc but I’m pretty sure you can do it yourself if you wanted to, it wasn’t particularly complicated.

Info here if it’s useful https://www.gov.uk/marriage-abroad/y/greece/uk/opposite_sex

MyTravelMugIsForVodkaShhh · 24/03/2024 17:10

Hi OP,

Only read your comments, so no idea what others have said.

I planned my wedding in a year and that felt like loads of time. But I used a wedding venue, so it cost more.

My friend had a BEAUTIFUL UK wedding for £8k by approaching a stunning country pub/hotel that didn't typically do weddings. She had a marquee/yurt thing in their garden and was incredibly creative with decorations/catering. I was floored when she told me the cost, I would have assumed it was a £20+k.

I had another friend get married in Santorini. It was gorgeous! Things I remember (good and bad):

  • Flights were pretty shite timings to Santorini.
  • It was peak summer, so both expensive and the bride was sweating buckets as she walked down the (outdoor) aisle - it gets so, so hot. Seems like an obvious comment, but easy to forget how much being too hot makes you/guests uncomfortable.
  • Her cost was about £15k but she had about 50 guests.
  • There are great wedding planners in Santorini that are usually attached to the venue. Yes it's a cost, but they are worth it apparently.
  • The bit of Santorini everyone thinks of (white/hillside/blue roofs) is horrifically/can't move busy in summer school holidays so strongly advise against doing it then.

But I had a lovely time!

Happy planning!

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 24/03/2024 16:53

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 11:01

Also when people are referring to legal protection, can you elaborate further please? I don't know anything about this so would be useful to learn. For example if DP died tomorrow, what would be different for me and our little girl if we were married vs not? Genuinely asking as I have no clue. Thanks

Have you looked at the citizens advice bureau link that's been posted a few times?

JLM1981 · 24/03/2024 16:52

Hi. Congratulations. We did it. Went abroad then had a party on return. Everything included it cost around half of what a wedding here would cost (large families on both sides) we went abroad (was legally wed) and had 22 friend and family members attend. We then had a reception for 200 guests on our return at a local small castle. We work at the same place so 50 of our guests were long time colleagues and partners which explains the larger numbers. Reception on return had a welcome drink for all, hot buffet, singer (family member) and a DJ. We cut the cake at this too. There was no hire fee as it was late autumn so it cost around £16 per head plus whatever the DJ cost. Good luck 😊

fluffycloudalert · 24/03/2024 16:32

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:46

@SKG231
3 of them absolutely are yes. 2 of them it would be pricier for due to having 3 kids to pay for as well, so I accept that would make it harder for those ones to attend. However they're a sort of deal breaker to me, so if they couldn't afford to come then I guess I'd be re thinking. We'd also be looking at 2027 earliest so lots of notice / time to save etc if people wanted to come.

Lots of time for them to save, yes. But why should they spend all that time and money saving up for your wedding?

A relative tried this one on my niece, who was strapped for cash at the time. Yes, she could have spent two years saving up for his (stupidly expensive) wedding, but there were things she herself needed that money for.

Just do a register office thing here, go to Santorini on honeymoon, then have a knees-up with your friends when you get back.

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 16:21

I've checked - Greek weddings are legal in the U.K.

OP posts:
redalex261 · 24/03/2024 16:18

What I can tell you is (from upcoming overseas wedding) in Spain - the couple are having a secret registry office do 3 weeks beforehand with two sets of parents only as their Spanish ceremony is not legal as they are non residents. So, you really need to check legalities beforehand, otherwise you may have to do this which probably would feel a big grim. A caribbean wedding is legal in UK - it was good, and cost effective if you would normally be looking at travelling somewhere like that on holiday anyway. Many guests chose not to stay at the same venue as bride and groom so it was more like a holiday where you attended a wedding instead of a wedding taking over the holiday if you know what I mean.

Cruise ship wedding also reasonable, again if this would be a normal expenditure/destination for a holiday for your guests. also legal ceremony for UK (though that was US registered ship so check).

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 16:16

@VickyEadieofThigh
Yeah I have and I've posted earlier to say I'm now increasingly in favour of a U.K. wedding. I was simply responding to the poster who pointed out that my immediate family might not want to go to that particular destination - they do. They're happy with it.

OP posts:
ScierraDoll · 24/03/2024 16:08

To be honest if I was invited to a foreign wedding I probably wouldn't go unless I could incorporate it into a holiday and it was a destination I wanted to visit. But even then the thought of having to dress up for a wedding, the formality of it etc would put me off

VickyEadieofThigh · 24/03/2024 16:03

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 16:00

@redalex261
My parents are excited at the prospect of a Greek wedding, and one of sisters (the one with 3 young kids) commented that it was on her lair of places she'd always wanted to see and so she'd do her utmost to be there. My other sister simply said "whenever and wherever you get married, I'm there" (that's the sister without kids). So I think they're all keen so far.

Have you read the link about how hard it is to get legally married in Greece? And the advice from me and others about Santorini?

Lamelie · 24/03/2024 16:01

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:46

@SKG231
3 of them absolutely are yes. 2 of them it would be pricier for due to having 3 kids to pay for as well, so I accept that would make it harder for those ones to attend. However they're a sort of deal breaker to me, so if they couldn't afford to come then I guess I'd be re thinking. We'd also be looking at 2027 earliest so lots of notice / time to save etc if people wanted to come.

3 years time?!
That’s ridiculous. If you want a part have a party without the cost of travel. If you want the legal protection of marriage go to the registry office.
Good grief.

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 16:00

*list not lair 😂

OP posts:
askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 16:00

@redalex261
My parents are excited at the prospect of a Greek wedding, and one of sisters (the one with 3 young kids) commented that it was on her lair of places she'd always wanted to see and so she'd do her utmost to be there. My other sister simply said "whenever and wherever you get married, I'm there" (that's the sister without kids). So I think they're all keen so far.

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 24/03/2024 15:56

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:46

@SKG231
3 of them absolutely are yes. 2 of them it would be pricier for due to having 3 kids to pay for as well, so I accept that would make it harder for those ones to attend. However they're a sort of deal breaker to me, so if they couldn't afford to come then I guess I'd be re thinking. We'd also be looking at 2027 earliest so lots of notice / time to save etc if people wanted to come.

It's not just the cost - when you've got a family it's about whether you want to spend our holiday budget AND annual leave allocation without having any choice on where we go!

redalex261 · 24/03/2024 15:52

Just have a UK afternoon wedding followed by meal/buffet and party at nice venue. Everyone can attend. Then depart straightaway to honeymoon destination. If you want family abroad with you they then have option to book and join you if their wishes and finances allow.

I’ve been pressured into attending a (third)family wedding abroad. As expected I must go, it’s costing a fortune and I’ll have to spend significant time hanging out with folk I don’t know well or even at all. So no nice holiday for me this year. Wish they had fucking eloped, but no, must be Instagram worthy, therefore obligatory bridal shot at beach sunset venue with cast of skint, less than happy relatives required.

It’s not fair to ask family to save for years to go to a wedding. You may think its a holiday for them but its not. They don’t pick destination, time or companions. Yes they want to take part in your wedding but not if it costs them thousands and two weeks annual leave.

therealcookiemonster · 24/03/2024 15:40

santorini is tiny and basically vertical in most places. if you are inviting elderly parents/women who might be pregnant/disabled individuals it will be a bit of a pain. I can also see it being annoying for those with small children as its not pushchair friendly. also santorini expensive compared to other Greek islands. and its all rocky.... so not really an ideal beach wedding destination imo.
there are gorgeous beaches in Cornwall (weather is lovely in may/june), Scotland and Devon... so you could have a casual beach wedding (have a look at lusty glaze beach for eg.) and then hire a Manor House or something for the wedding party.
the other option is beach wedding in a cheaper destination eg. portugal/spain/turkey

from reading all the mumsnet threads from frustrated relatives invited to weddings abroad, I personally would not consider it. it's not even just the cost, it's the logistics and organisation involved, the annual leave people have to take. its asking a lot of others.

rainbowunicorn · 24/03/2024 15:38

You say you have no assests OP. Does this mean that you rent your house , if so is it in joint names. If you own the house is your name on the deeds?
To be honest the more you update the more it sounds a bit worrying. He hasn't entertained any talk of marriage for 8 years even with a child in the mix and now suddenly he is. Except he needs a long time to save before he commits to a ring on your finger. There have been many posts over the years from women who's partner had been stringing them along and no marriage ever happened.
Not saying that's his intention however if he wanted to marry you it could be done in about 6 weeks time with a £50 ring so I would be wary of getting too excited.

vanillawaffle · 24/03/2024 15:12

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 11:01

Also when people are referring to legal protection, can you elaborate further please? I don't know anything about this so would be useful to learn. For example if DP died tomorrow, what would be different for me and our little girl if we were married vs not? Genuinely asking as I have no clue. Thanks

I do not mean this to sound rude but you really need to know the difference, others have posted useful links. If you're going to get married you need to know the legal position.

vanillawaffle · 24/03/2024 15:10

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 13:44

@Concannon88
I mean the traditional "will you marry me?" proposal with a ring. He wants to do all that part first, with a ridiculously expensive ring by the sounds of how long he wants to save for it 😳 I'd be genuine happy with a cheaper ring and for us to be engaged sooner. He doesn't want this.

Tell him you don't want an expensive ring then. If he won't listen to that and get on the same financial page then your marriage is going to stuffle

vanillawaffle · 24/03/2024 15:09

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 14:32

I don't know about higher earner, I earn circa 50-60k. I don't have assets.

You mean you don't own any of your house??

martinisforeveryone · 24/03/2024 15:08

Sorry that was an awful lot, but it really is something to read and understand 💐

Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 24/03/2024 15:07

I haven't read all the replies but just be aware that Santorini isn't really know for beaches if that it what you had in mind. Lots go for the for the sunsets on the west coast and amazing insta photos. As another poster has mentioned the cruise ships stop in Santorini so it is crazy busy in July and August and accommodation is not cheap in Oia and Fira. I would also avoid Mykonos if you are on a budget, beautiful but expensive. Plenty of other pretty Greek islands that would be nice for a destination wedding.

martinisforeveryone · 24/03/2024 15:02

@askingaquestionaboutthis I'm getting the feeling that you feel a bit attacked or ridiculed here and that's a shame when you're obviously very excited by your DP thinking about proposing.

First off, it's ridiculous for PP to say that MN wholeheartedly condemns lovely weddings and thinks no one should ever spring for more than some sad sausage rolls and warm Liebfraumilch. On the other hand, dangling a carrot but needing years to save up for the things that ultimately aren't the most important things, is a concern, not least because of what it prioritises.

I would urge you to educate yourself about why people form partnerships, what a legally certified partnership means and what it offers and what you miss out on if you don't have one. These things are very, very important if you need to call upon them
/www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-civil-partnership-legal-differences/
There is also a link on that page to follow and read up about marriage. It's imperative to check this out if you have children, money or property together and for scenarios such as the rights of a next of kin.

You should also look at your Wills and Power of Attorney. These things aren't exciting like wedding planning, but they are things that protect you in, heaven forbid, the worst case scenarios of life. You won't find many people advocating to spend time or money on them, but you'll certainly hear a lot for people in distress when they hadn't planned and needed to have done.

You are a partnership and I do appreciate that you don't want to dampen your partner's ideas of doing something lovely for you, but by the same token, he should listen to you and what you want.

Obviously I'm not you, but if I were in your shoes I'd crack on with at least a civil partnership, a simple wedding ring, nice dress and a good meal afterwards and then plan and save for the sparkly ring and fancy do when you've saved the funds to finance it. If you did that, you could host a humanist ceremony and a reception party in any kind of venue you like, it wouldn't need a licence, the promises you make could take any form as you'd already have protected each other with the legalities and you could focus on the splashy celebration elements. I mean if you wanted a civil partnership ceremony you don't even have to tell people or wear a ring, it could be kept private, so your later 'wedding' would be everyone's main focus.

Just food for thought.

Living together and civil partnership - legal differences

Information for same-sex and opposite-sex couples on how the law treats civil partnerships and cohabiting couples, including financial matters, adoption, housing and inheritance.

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-civil-partnership-legal-differences

CatStoleMyChocolate · 24/03/2024 14:52

I know a couple of people who got married in Greece. One had a family connection and I do remember she did the legal wedding in the U.K. before going to Greece. I also know someone whose relative got married in Santorini last year. I don’t know the details so couldn’t say whether they did the legal bit in the U.K. first - I suspect it’s easier to do this than meet residency requirements in some countries. It would probably be worth speaking to a wedding planner or travel agency that offers packages as they may be able to suggest places you hadn’t thought of.

If you’d consider a U.K. wedding, try asking on local Facebook pages to see whether there are nice small local venues - where I live, there are a few stately home type places and smaller hotels which would be lovely for a smaller wedding without costing the earth. I definitely agree with an afternoon ceremony followed by dinner as a way of keeping costs down.