A wedding question

It sounds like he's calling all the shots? Sounds as if you wanted to get married much sooner than 9 years into the relationship but waited.

I enjoy celebrating friends special occasions. But not if it will cost me thousands!

Happy to spend £150 on uk hotel and sane on trains, that's normal for uk.

Less happy when it's something needing 2 nights stay (ie starting very early) or somewhere miles from anywhere /involving changing locations during the day.

Much less happy when I am expected to travel overseas and spend a lot of money. Yes I can afford it, but I don't want to spend it that way (different if friend lives overseas of course)

🤣 Honestly people can be so weird about weddings on here.

Thankfully, in real life, everyone I know loves celebrating their friends and family's special occasions.

Also congratulations! 🎊

If your sisters are going to be an important part of your wedding then bear in mind that the barriers to attending a wedding abroad are more significant than a UK one eg anyone ill enough to not be able to fly (ear infection, chicken pox etc) or cope away for a week, and with 3 kids that increases the chances. A more local wedding minimises the number of things that can go wrong esp if people can get there and back in a day in a worst case scenario.

Our eldest DD got married in Santorini a couple of years back (delayed twice due to Covid).
It was about half the price for a similar set up at home, with pretty much guaranteed weather.
It was a wonderful day & the wedding party / guests met up several times before & after the wedding itself.
However, a few people did drop out either for cost or being unable to travel for various reasons (including her ex-best friend). There were around 20 attendees.
They went for one of the wedding venues on the cliff tops - the views were amazing, as was the general organisation. Everything got sorted all as one package.
Santorini isn't cheap, but it's not overly expensive either. Most of the guests spent 7-8 days there & treated it as a holiday abroad with the bonus of a wedding day / evening with close friends / relatives.
They had a big party when they got back home for their wider circle of friends.
There are a couple of Santorini wedding / bride facebook groups with lots of useful information & conversation.
With the exception of the missing guests, DD & SIL said their wedding day was perfect.

@askingaquestionaboutthis If your partner is on a life support system or dies before marriage, you will not be seen as next of kin. His family would be in a legal position to make decisions, same with his financial circumstances. I read about a woman who was excluded from her partner's funeral arrangements by his family. This was because they weren't married even though together for over 10 years.

Your dd will inherit (everything will be held in trust for her) and/or his family rather than you. You will not be entitled to any bereaved spouse benefits or life insurance/pension. If you own a house together then his portion will go to his family &/or dd. I & many of my friends decided not have children before getting married for the above reasons.

Well of course the man would be equally protected, we're talking about people who love each other wanting what's best for each other surely? and disposal of belongings, however trivial, can be very traumatic when there's no clarity.

But I'm not thinking of what happens to the other half's pension in the case of a break up, I'm thinking of worst case scenario type stuff. In the OP's situation her DP is not on good terms with his parents, but should something catastrophic happen and he ended up on life support, or let's not say the OP here but any random couple, I'd think it's important for the people who are loved the most to have a clear legal position. At the very least a formal Will and LPA.

Protection in the eyes of the law isn't only about when couples split up.

No they don't. Having belongings is not the same as having assets. Getting married isn't all about women protecting themselves, the man would be as equally protected.

It's not all about material assets, although everyone has assets of some kind even if they don't amount to much. You should read the links posted on the legal position of people who live as 'married' but don't have any status in the eyes of the law.

Depends on the country.
We got married in Cyprus without doing another one here. We had to go to solicitors here before to get something signed.
Spain and France is def not recognised here. You have to do register office here as well

It doesn't take 2 years to plan a wedding, even a fancy one

What's wrong with a "minimal registrar office" wedding. Don't sneer at them they can be very romantic

Honestly, if you want a wedding abroad just elope, have a little holiday, and then have a party when you get back. Why pass on the cost to your family? It isn't fair to your sister to presure her into taking time off work, buying new holiday stuff, passports, paying for a hotel, flights, food and entertainment for the kids, just so you can save money. It's a total dick move especially when you claim you won't do it if she doesn't come. You are basically telling her she would be ruining your wedding if she can't save every penny she makes just so she can attend.

I've been flamed for saying this in the past, but I can't understand this. You're discussing wedding plans. By definition, one of you has already proposed marriage. Him getting down on one knee and pretending to ask you to marry him when you've already discussed it with each other is insane. It's like kids playing pretend.

@daliesque Calm your jets. It was only because OP had said if her sister couldn't go that would be a dealbreaker. So her sister is fundamental to her plans and if she's set on a wedding abroad it might be good to get input early.

So my sister is getting married abroad next year (Majorca) and some of the family have been grumbling about the cost already but I actually think it’s more the inconvenience of taking time off work, allowing at least 3/4 days away minimum, arranging pet care, trying to work out where they can stay near the venue/how much taxis might cost. I think there is also the assumption that because everyone can afford it, there won’t be any problem paying a few grand to attend but most people would prefer to put that money towards other things. None of which will stop them going but even though they’ve all been happy and supportive to my Dsis to her face there is an undercurrent of resentment from a couple of family members.

One thing to mention is that I’m not sure how much is being paid for the venue (but supposedly cheaper than the uk) but now it’s all booked and mostly paid for my sister has had some outrageous quotes for some of the other wedding bookings - the most notable being over £20k photographer and videographer for the day.

At the end of the day you can get married wherever you want but if it’s abroad and an expensive area like Santorini you need to be prepared for people to not attend. You may also find that the family will all agree to go as it’s three years away and suddenly panic when it’s only 12 months away and realise how sodding expensive it is.

OP I don't know much about abroad weddings, but I assume one of the main benefits is that it's mostly packaged up so you have less organisation to do so I would see no reason why you couldn't get married abroad next year rather than waiting for so long. It will be easier to for people to attend if it's next year as no one really knows what they are going to be up to in August 2027.

Absolutely take your time wedding planning and let your DP do the proposal in his way, but please get wills sorted out this week you never know what might happen.

WTF? So a bride and groom must now arrange their plans around another persons holiday wants?
I've heard everything now.

The bottom line is no one cares about your wedding as much as you. Asking people to travel far for a period of time is an expensive inconvenience and as long as you recognise that then it’s fine and plan accordingly.

I also think the ‘party at home’ is self indication when you’ve had the wedding elsewhere. Either have a wedding or don’t.

I hadn’t even met DH 2 years before our wedding !
We met and were married within 8 months , had a church wedding and a reception at the pub in the same village ( no favours or chair coverings )

Wtf why is that ridiculous? Its 3 years not 30. Not everyone wants things instantly.

I can't believe you'd waste money on hiring a village hall. How flashy and wasteful. 💸💸💸

I got married round the back of Tesco with a mangy fox officiating then we all scavenged through the bins for food afterwards.

Protection from what? Shes already said they don't have assets