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Original poster

A wedding question

331 replies

askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:34

Hi,

Partner of 9 years has finally (😂) started to make some noises about us getting married. He has floated the idea of a beach wedding in somewhere abroad (initial idea is Santorini) with just nearest and dearest (parents and bridesmaids etc) and our children there, followed by a party back home to celebrate where we can invite wider family and friends. He seems to think this would work out cheaper than a UK wedding. What are people's thoughts on the financial aspect of abroad versus home, and also just general pros and cons of each I might not have considered?

Thank you!

OP posts:
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6
SecondHandFurniture · 24/03/2024 08:59

Legally you get a Greek government document for a civil ceremony and register the marriage back in the UK as far as I know.

Weather - depends where in UK and what time of year. Consider the record heatwaves in Europe last summer - you might boil in Santorini.

I got married in June and it rained but the venue was on high ground in the middle of the Pennines in Yorkshire. Bristol might have been a different story.

Beckafett · 24/03/2024 08:59

Have you been to Santorini? One side of the island gets a huge amount of tourists from cruise ships and it's not somewhere I would want to be in the summer.

BeaRF75 · 24/03/2024 08:58

2027?? You want to get married, so just go to the Register Office and do it now for a few hundred pounds. You can also choose to have a family holiday in Greece, if you wish.
But absolutely nobody wants to hear you banging on about a wedding for the next 3 years, nor be expected to save for that long to attend a marriage abroad.

CurlewKate · 24/03/2024 08:58

I think "abroad weddings" in most circumstances are inconsiderate.

Original poster
askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:56

I keep getting the same comments over and over so to clarify:

Only bridesmaids would be my 2 sisters - one is absolutely in a financial position to attend and has already said she would be there no question (she's child free). The other sister and BiL have 3 children so I accept it may be trickier cost wise for her, but I'd be happy to help her with the costs as someone else suggested. Other bridesmaids are mine and DP's 2 adult / teen daughters, who we are obviously paying for. And a flower girl (our own young DD). The only other people I'd want obviously are my parents, and they've said it's fine and they'd be there.

The only guest my DP wants is his best mate (he doesn't really get on with his parents and won't be bothered if they aren't there). I think his mate might come, I'm not sure. But DP would have to decide how much of a deal breaker that is for him if he couldn't I guess.

Re children - there's only my sister in the bridal party with 3 small children. They are of course invited as they're my nieces and nephew. So there'll be no fallings out re children attending or not.

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martinisforeveryone · 24/03/2024 08:54

It’s not only the cost, it’s dictating to other families that they take time off and have their own holiday choice all forced around your preferences.

You either pay for everyone or accept that they either decline or do accept but resent it, which is probably even worse.

I also think it’s only cheaper for the couple if you do nothing at home.

Itsaweddingdate · 24/03/2024 08:52

We were getting married abroad. All set to look to book it. But the accommodation for us and our children of different ages and sexes, it just became crazy expensive. We're talking £12k+ just for the holiday, licenses, accommodation and flights. Nothing for the wedding at this point other than licenses. It was becoming stressful thinking about it. Even though it is both what we wanted.

We're now doing a wedding at home, small intimate wedding then a short local honeymoon and a family holiday later in the summer holidays. It will be cheaper for us this way. About £8k all in.

WandaWonder · 24/03/2024 08:52

So you are paying for all flights and accommodation or do you expect guests to do this and use up their holidays?

heldinadream · 24/03/2024 08:51

You want your sister with 3 dc to save until 2027 to attend your wedding?
Oh good luck with selling that to her, I'm sure she'll jump at the chance.

GreatGateauxsby · 24/03/2024 08:51

Mumoftwo1312 · 24/03/2024 08:36

Cheaper for you, more expensive for the guests

Yep l.
also if any of your bridal party have children they will need to be invited or you’ll be on here in 6m in a tizzy about why your bridesmaid is being “awkward” about attending.

We did a registry office and booked out a restaurant in central London as beyond getting married! our loved ones being able to attend was our priority. And our guests had a wide range of financial means so we didn’t want anyone to be put out.

Original poster
askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:51

There are loads of perspectives! Weather, food, venues, legal aspects..... I was hoping for a varied discussion around the pros and cons from people who have experience of both

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Overthebow · 24/03/2024 08:50

I’d plan to include costs for your sibling with 3 DC as part of the budget for abroad wedding. A party in the UK after for everyone will be just as expensive as having a UK wedding, it would probably be cheaper to do UK wedding as a ceremony then party after.

Bluevelvetsofa · 24/03/2024 08:49

I don’t think there are many different perspectives, other than the financial aspect which is what your first post said you wanted.

Does Santorini have the option for a wedding package? That might be a starting point. You’d have seven children, so if it’s in school holiday time, that would increase the price.

What about a small wedding in this country, with a larger party and a honeymoon in Santorini.

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 24/03/2024 08:49

Passports for a family of 5 is a big ask....

Original poster
askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:49

I definitely wouldn't be having 9 bridesmaids 😂
My two sisters, my adult daughter (who will be 21 at the time if we did it in 2027), and my 15 year old stepdaughter would be the only bridesmaids. Our own DD (5) would be flower girl. So 4 plus a flower girl.

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MiltonNorthern · 24/03/2024 08:48

You can't expect people to pay thousands to attend your wedding, which is what you'll be doing if you invite families with several kids. It might work out cheaper for you but that's because you'll be offloading the costs to others. It's selfish. If it's that long to save and you want a destination wedding then you save and pay for your guests.

Original poster
askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:47

@Stickyricepudding
The only children at the ceremony if we did it abroad would be my own nieces and nephew, and my own children. I'm fine with all of those.

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Original poster
askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:46

@SKG231
3 of them absolutely are yes. 2 of them it would be pricier for due to having 3 kids to pay for as well, so I accept that would make it harder for those ones to attend. However they're a sort of deal breaker to me, so if they couldn't afford to come then I guess I'd be re thinking. We'd also be looking at 2027 earliest so lots of notice / time to save etc if people wanted to come.

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Stickyricepudding · 24/03/2024 08:46

A wedding abroad with a UK after party can work out more expensive to be honest. Have you considered a late afternoon (4/5pm) ceremony & with one evening reception instead? You're paying for one reception for everyone rather than paying for wedding breakfast and reception. My friend did this and it worked out cheaper than the option your dp is considering.

Also, consider that certain people won't be able to attend abroad for many reasons so don't be cross with them for this. Also, remember if you want childfree then some parents can't attend due to childcare issues.

Also, trim down the extras, you don't need favours, chairs covers, 9 bridesmaid and multiple hen and stag do's abroad. These are extras which bump the prices up because the wedding industry has convinced us they're essentials. The marriage is more important than the wedding which is just a one day booze up.

Velvian · 24/03/2024 08:46

Would he agree to a very small ceremony in the UK followed by a honeymoon in the destination of his choice?

SKG231 · 24/03/2024 08:44

Are your nearest and dearest in the financial posotion to pay for flights, accommodation, food, outfits etc to join you? Others wise I would stick to a UK registry office and a nice meal afterwards and then the big party.

Original poster
askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:44

Ok so I'm aware of the cost implication for the guests, I've acknowledged that and take it on board.

Any other pros and cons from different perspectives, please? I was hoping to get more varied ideas from the thread if possible. Thanks.

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candgen625 · 24/03/2024 08:43

Only if zero pressure for anyone else to attend. Or you pay

Original poster
askingaquestionaboutthis · 24/03/2024 08:42

@Mumoftwo1312
Yes this is a concern. There would only be 5 members of my family coming, all of them immediate, ie parents and siblings. However one of my siblings has 3 kids so that could be pricey for her which I appreciate. My partner doesn't necessarily want his parents there, he'd take it or leave it tbh (doesn't have a great relationship with them), he'd just his best mate as best man. Other than that the other guests we'd be paying for ourselves as they'd be our kids (3 older kids between us, young adult / late teen age), and our young child together. So not too many people that we'd be wanting there.

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SecondHandFurniture · 24/03/2024 08:41

You're going to have to do school holidays so flights will be £££. Will you be paying?