Nephew is ruining holiday

I’ll never forget my (at the time) 45 year old mother having a full blown nervous breakdown walking through City Walk to get to Universal. The sounds, the music, the heat the day after the flight etc…it was all too much for her. She doesn’t have any diagnoses but she is 100% ADHD.

Florida theme parks, whilst great, are overstimulating as hell. The heat is oppressive. Your DN 100% sounds undiagnosed neurodivergent and he’s very much struggling with this whole holiday.

Hahaha I love this, I feel that these wise words can be applied to every aspect of life 😂

Take your kids out on your own and do nice things with them. Leave DN to hang out with your Dmum and Dsis. Put enough space and time aside away from DN so that you don't blow a gasket.

I have 2 ND sons and I would not go on a group holiday because I have learned from experience of taking the away how challenging it can be for all of us and how we need to be totally free to do whatever suits them best. However it has taken me some time to get to this level
of insight and understanding. If their son is 10 and not diagnosed and they are perhaps in denial, and trying to pretend that everything is fine, I can totally see how this would happen. I think if you took yourself off they’d probably be really relieved to have some time to manage his behaviour.

You can have empathy and still be highly frustrated with the situation. It's not only this child's holiday, what about the other children and everyone who paid money to go on it. If anything, the parent was irresponsible going on this type of holiday knowing how her child will find it overwhelming.

My parenting style is very different to my brother’s. He has one ds and I have 3dds. I think his ds is autistic but it’s not something I can raise. Lots of signs but also gentle parenting means he’s a tantrum nightmare when he doesn’t get what he wants. When he starts I distract my own dc and leave db and dsil to manage him. It’s too frustrating to stay. The only time I intervene is for safety reasons.

i think family holidays need to have planned space to do stuff separately for your own sanity but overall, focus on your dts.

Surely if the child is ND, the parents will know this holiday will be a struggle for him. Complete change of routine will throw him right off - but they shouldn't expect that to spoil your holiday.
The answer is, we are leaving to do "......." at such a time (that is feasible for all) if however this becomes to stressful for your DN, Surely the answer should be "you guys go we will catch up" not everyone hang around while this meltdown happens.

Sounds like your sister needs to find ways of holidaying to suit the whole family.
Choose the holiday based around the children you do have - not try to make them fit into the holiday you choose.

If you’re in Florida’s we’ve had a LOT of holidays there in shared villas and things have got really tense at times. IME, when the going gets tough you say “we’re off to Gatorland tomorrow, all the kids are getting on each others nerves so it will do them good to have a break” there may be a few po faces but I can guarantee they are much happier to see each other 12 hours later, all is forgotten.

rise and repeat as necessary.

Perhaps his own parent should educate themselves too maybe before agreeing to the holiday.

This is demonstrably false. Children, like all people, are individuals with their own personalities who make their own choices. The way they are "parented" is just one piece in the complex jigsaw of nature and nurture that goes in to making a person.

I know loads of amazing parents with poorly behaved children. Whereas I've just muddled through and no doubt made shit-loads of mistakes, as has her dad, and my daughter is an absolute dream, doing amazingly at school and never in trouble.

OP, I'd just go out for the day with your own kids tomorrow. Break will do you all a bit of good I expect. Good luck - sounds frustrating.

I actually feel a bit sorry for him. His Dad isn't around, he's put weight on, he is supposed to squeeze into a wetsuit, he's away from home.

It might work better to have part of each day doing your own thing - for you, your kids but also him. He might be a bit partied out - too much company & stuff going on & it's the only way he can express it?

The child is ND
Out of his environment
One parent absent
struggles with food
too hot

I have to say that I think you need to thank your lucky stars that this isn’t your life.

Hard one as obviously your DN has behaviour issues and your used to your 2 being on perfect behaviour. Just take a deep breath and count to 10 as you might well cause a family rift. Good luck

Lesson learned. Don’t go on holidays with them.

It totally over stimulating, no known routine, familiar spaces, familiar food. If he's ND (like he sounds he is) it's totally overwhelming.

We went on holiday for four days to centreparks once with sil1 and her three year old. The child's behaviour was atrocious and silent did absolutely nothing to look after him or set any boundaries. It was bloody awful and never, ever again so I feel for you op.

It was about 25 years ago and thank God they live in NZ. My opinion of SIL has never recovered.

With hindsight I suspect SIL maybe neuro-diverse and there have been issues with this child who is now 27 and doesn't work regularly and has few friendships. Not helped by the fact that sil1 is bone idle, has never really worked and her partner is similar but throw in the wacky baccy on top of it.

The lack of empathy for ND children in this thread is disgusting and depressing

Agree. But not remotely surprising if you’ve spent more than 5 minutes here!

Meltdown after Meltdown is ND/ASD/ ADHD.
I'm not a fan of people who are nuerotypical saying they have meltdowns.. it was coined for ND people.. so obviously he has this and he can't help it.
Educate yourself on the condition then maybe you cam help instead if moaning.

The child is suspected to be ND, ‘working on his behaviour’ isn’t going to change that fact. The lack of empathy for ND children in this thread is disgusting and depressing.

It's your twins' holiday too. Go off on your own.

Ditch the spoilt brat and enjoy your holiday seperate to him and his piss poor parents

Lots of ND people have “awful” (restrictive) diets including my ND DS, who would tear the villa/hotel to pieces if I inflicted this type of overwhelming holiday on him. Please educate yourself before moaning about his “behaviour”. Separate itineraries definitely the way forward for everyone’s benefit.

I am ND myself and so are 2 of my children, I just eouldnt let them behave like that. Drink wine go out with out them. Avois