Nephew is ruining holiday

I’m not saying that ‘no matter what they do it is ok because of ND’, just that a little empathy goes a long way.

💐or no need to correct as it was perfectly obvious what you meant x

This!

Well this child isn’t an only child, so your lazy only child stereotype didn’t land in this case.

ND or not behavior has to managed. It is a horrible disservice to ND people of all ages to have the attitude that no matter what they do it is ok because of ND. Not only does it endanger them as they get older it also makes people have an attitude that all ND people have behavior problems. Just as many that do have these issues there are just as many that do not.

Def sounds like sensory issues
However having dc woth those, we know that they hate suntan lotion from birth really so use rash vests etc.
And long clothing.
Food can be an issue when they only like a few then they are different abroad
We had ergh the yoghurt in soain - was more like fromage frais
Horrible cheese
Even bread is different

Then theres queuing for rides etc
My 2 have slapped other one, scratch other one after such long days

Long flights with probably delays then time different

And other kids around the whole time

No chance of masking..

We had much worse issues staying with family
And youngest who is 'fine at school' was slamming doors etc and my pdarents realised much more of the issues.

The more people the more compromising needed often mealtimes are odd.

Say 10yo wanting to go on rides that are too big for your dc...

Does he need ear defenders.
Maybe to queue for rides apart from other kids

Whatever the reason for their behaviour it’s equally disruptive and upsetting for your dc. Take them off for a day on your own.

YABU for knowingly embarking on this trip without a separate itinerary.

You knew this behaviour is customary, you know suspected issues have been ignored, etc. It was never going to be a joyous occasion.

You could just do your own thing, my child is that child and believe me it is embarrassing as a parent 🤯🤯

This!

It’s definitely served as a reminder why I (and most special needs mums) would never take advice or input seriously from somebody with only neurotypical kids.

If you read the thread you will see this isn't the case.

Which it sounds like she has already been doing by even carrying on being around them. Time to step away and ensure her kids get the holiday they deserve rather than having their cousin ruin it for them. They can do separate things and meet for breakfast and dinner and still all have a holiday that suits everyone with her family having fun and DN being less overwhelmed and less likely to complain about her twins.

They may well be in the process of trying to obtain a diagnosis 🤷‍♀️ Given he is masking at school it could have been difficult to have schools support to go on the pathway. Then once on the pathway it’s a wait of around 3-5 years to see a paediatrician and get assessed.

Can the "respite" police fuck off.
The lady made a mistake. Jeeezzzzz

They are lucky to be able to take a break from the struggling child though. It all sounds very difficult for the sister. It's not on OP to fix that, but a bit of emotional generosity and sympathy will go a long way.

RRFT His mum is there and grandparents.

You’ve said there is a strong possibility of ND, and everything you’ve listed certainly supports that. Sounds like he has huge sensory issues, combined with being somewhere very busy, new and overwhelming.

Perhaps do some research on how to support ND children in these situations. Has your sister done any preparation with him? Is she making sure he has breaks somewhere quiet to help him regulate?

Suspicions is one thing. An actual diagnosis is something else. Many children show symptoms of neurodivergence. It doesn’t mean that they are autistic.

Perhaps the first step to not being bad parenting is to get a diagnosis rather than avoiding getting one. That would help because then they would knkw and could work out suitable strategies

Stop with the "privilege" nonsense though. This is an expensive holiday OP has paid for to relax and enjoy herself with 6 year old twins which can be hard work in itself even if they behave impeccably. It is not incumbent on OP to have to help with DN or indeed put up with his behaviour when her DS isn't taking steps to correct his behaviour or make his life easier by taking him away from situations he is seemingly unable to cope with whether NT or ND. More sympathy if the latter other than the fact his parents are avoiding getting a diagnosis and therefore help in how to cope.

Her sister isn't having to cope alone. She has her mother helping. It is not OP's duty therefore to make allowances or take on the care of the DN to the detriment of her family and their holiday.

Thank you. Noted x

Yes but most of time parenting tools and strategies that work effortlessly with NT kids like ‘firm boundaries and clear rules’ etc really don’t do anything to improve this kind of behaviour in neurodivergent kids. It’s a completely different ballgame and a million times harder. It’s also why it’s very difficult to judge whether a parent of a ND kid is actually ‘parenting poorly’ when this kind of behaviour is happening. Chances are they are not.

*respite

Wow, some of the “advice” given here has reminded me why the SN board had to be hidden…

Suspicions are one thing. However, bad parenting due to possible ND behaviour is something else.
ND behaviour doesn’t excuse bad parenting.