Nephew is ruining holiday

Sorry, but plenty of people manage to control their children’s behaviour in public, ND or not. Your comment says more about you than it does about me.

"Any child who can learn to behave at school can learn to behave in public."

Tell me I've no idea about ND without saying I've no idea about ND!@User8646382 .

He’s 10 and he DOESN’T have any kind of diagnosis. I think there are too many unqualified people here willing to diagnose a child they have never seen with a neurological condition despite reading that a) He’s fine at school. (Most kids with SEN exhibit some kinds of behavioural, social and/or educational signs while at school.)

@JennyJenny8675309 and all the other posters that came on to laugh at @MummaMummaJumma

You need some rest-bite from your own smugness.

Every neurodiverse child or individual is different to the next one, but the lack of understanding and compassion from some posters on this thread is really disheartening

Wholeheartedly agree. Especially the “well I’m ND and I don’t do that” charmers. Because there’s only one proper way to be autistic, obviously. 🙄

Bloody hell, in some ways I’m glad that my autistic (and a bunch of other disabilities) DS1 is now 18. People see an 18 year old with his teddy in his arms (teddy is always dressed appropriately for whichever occasion it is) and his ear defenders on and they understand. However when he was younger the stares and silent judging we used to get were heartbreaking and completely bloody exasperating and utterly exhausting. Every neurodiverse child or individual is different to the next one, but the lack of understanding and compassion from some posters on this thread is really disheartening.

OP I hope you all enjoy the rest of your holiday. Please do take the advice to split up and spend time with that your twins - but please support your sister too.

Just so people know a non-neurotypical child will be prepared to go hungry rather than eat the "wrong" food. My eldest ate four things as a small child. It is not always junk food either - his favourite was apple. From about three he was almost completely vegetarian. It is not a question of rewarding them with junk food - it's desperately hoping you can find something else they will eat. His younger brother who was brought up the same way was a keen carnivore and fan of French food. The eldest eventually transformed into an adventurous vegetarian as an adult if that gives anybody hope and is a couple of years off qualifying as a doctor.

Poor kid. Sounds like he's really struggling.

Err this. Fellow ND and l suspect one of my children are. I wouldn’t let my holiday be spoiled by him and his carrying on. Sounds very annoying. I would avoid and try to day trips with my children and partner / husband

He’s 10? Have you actually asked him to think about whether he sees other kids behaving like this? Isn’t he embarrassed?

You realise that if he does have ASD this will be of fuck-all use because he cannot control his behaviour in the midst of a meltdown, right?

He’s 10? Have you actually asked him to think about whether he sees other kids behaving like this? Isn’t he embarrassed? Walk away. Don’t let it affect you. Don’t let your DM or DS‘s minimising of this behaviour get in the way of your kids having a great time. Take your kids away from it.

I know they mean well and your DS has no male support, but they are basically rewarding bad behaviour with junk food and making an unhappy child more obese. A bit like dog training by rewarding bad habits instead of good ones. Your mum and DS are placating him with food as an attempt to avoid the fallout and do the hard consistent parenting instead of sucking up the bad behaviour for a bit (even if the child says that they don’t feel loved/the adult doesn’t feel loved) teaching the child that the behaviour is pointless and they would be better off behaving well.

I have zero sympathy for parents who watch their kids struggle in life but refuse to get them help/diagnosis.

🤣

Not much to add except to say that however bad a time you are having, your sis is having a much worse time of it. I can't imagine how awful it must be for your DN and his mum honestly. Please don't blow up at him and make it worse - enjoy your time and try and carve out some quiet/fun for you and your own children. Good luck.

sorry, but YABU. You knew this could be an issue before you came. You know your Nephew is potentially ND.
You are on a once in a lifetime holiday. Go do your own thing with your kids as much as you can. Absolutely no need to explode at anybody.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Leave them to it and go and do yr own things without them. Avoid going on holiday with them ever again.

The OP isnt the one who inflicted anything on him. But her and her kids are the ones who are dealing with the issues that his mother clearly doesnt want to deal with.

Go away for the day with your kids for a breather. Don’t go to Discovery Cove or whatever it is if your kids are too young. Will allow you time to decompress.

To be frank, the issue of ND is neither here nor there as far as you and your family being affected is concerned. You need to do what is needed to salvage as much as possible of your holiday. A break away from him will make all the difference and would help you avoid exploding and losing it with his parents or saying something horrid about the child. Try to do things apart for a few hours at a time. This may be hard if everyone is trapped in the same location due to transport so activities are tied together for the extended family. I don’t think there is anything wrong in saying to the other family that one family is dropped off/goes elsewhere to do a different activity for the afternoon and arrange to meet up later; you don’t have to live in each other’s pockets. If they asked why you could consider saying that nephew’s behaviour was dragging everyone down (if they could accept that without falling out.).

I don’t get why on Mumsnet every post where a child is described as being a badly behaved nightmare or an adult a thoughtless selfish bastard the immediate suggestion is possible undiagnosed ND? and if it is how does that make it any better for the poor sods dealing with them?

You have your opinion and I have mine. I stand by what I said. You also have no idea if I , my spouse, a foster child or my child are ND. Have a lovely day

Sounds like ND and he's really not coping with the change. What does his Mother say? She shouldn't bring him to these places if it distresses him and causes meltdowns. She needs to learn to manage this by controlling his surroundings better. Does he like video games? Tv? Can he have a rest day watching TV?

I know I’m shouting into avoid here, but autistic meltdowns aren’t bad behaviour in the way a NT child having a temper tantrum might be. They’re not about a child trying to manipulate getting their own way, they are an expression of severe distress in a situation the child simply cannot cope with.

Not every ND person will have meltdowns in the same circumstances, because not every ND person will find the same situations stressful (just like NT people!) and some will have better coping mechanisms than others (just like NT people!)

It’s really unfortunate for everyone involved that OP’s nephew has been put in a situation in which he clearly really struggling. I imagine his mum misjudged his ability to cope and is really regretting bringing him, but he’s there now so the best thing the OP can do is try and spend as time as possible doing separate activities, and be thankful that her children are not struggling in the same way (there but for the grace of god and all that).