To expect my husband to support me?

You sound exhausting- it sounds like you get into arguments a lot because you believe you are right. I am very laidback and cba with this

Apparently on Airmumsnet it is absolutely “a thing”. On all other airlines, outside of mealtimes, a quick check behind you to make sure there are no drinks or laptops and then you just slowly and gently recline (until you hear the crunch of cartilage against bone 😅).

I have never been asked by the person in front. I have also flown hundreds of times…

Well, I agree most people don’t ask ( I would say the norm for, say, a transatlantic flight was for everyone to recline after the meal), but I think people are noting that the OP refers to regular incidents when she ‘feels wronged by someone’ and that she says this ‘was not an isolated incident’, and that she keeps saying he doesn’t ’take my side’. It’s possible that the OP is continually escalating minor irritations into major altercations and expecting matching outrage from her husband, who is tired of it.

I mean, I’ve been with DH happily for 30 years and I am struggling to think of an occasion where I’ve needed him to ‘take my side’ in this way.

Looks like this thread had been derailed with the rights and wrongs of putting your seat back. To be honest OP, I don't think there is a set etiquette for this. I usually put mine back partially as a compromise.

But to the bigger point about your DH supporting you, I 100% agree. You don't necessarily need him to intervene but it would be nice if he asked if you were ok rather than 'not my problem'.

Years ago I was in a relationship with a man like this. It all came to a head when we were on a train with some drunk lads who were bantering and trying to get me to talk to them. I wasn't really in the mood and said (politely) that I just wanted to get home and they all started jeering - my then boyfriend (desperate to be seen as 'one of the lads') actually joined in with them! They were calling me a spoilsport etc and he was actually laughing along. Later, he couldn't understand why I was upset with him.

If you're a team, you're a team. You might not always agree with your partner's actions or responses but you still check in with them to see if they're ok and if you need to, you help them defend their boundaries. I'd be upset too.

OP I agree that would piss me off tbh, I'm not sure I would want to be with a man who couldn't back me up, it doesn't bode well for stressful life events, like having kids, or nursing elderly relatives, or becoming sick. I know LTB is a bit extreme but at the moment you are obviously a capable woman, do you want to risk having to rely on him should circumstances change, do you want to have children with a man who is unlikely to stand up for them?

In my view no one should recline the seat unless it’s night time. It makes it very uncomfortable for the person behind.

Is this an isolated thing or is he as disinterested in all of your life too? If so has he checked out mentally?

No one ever asks about reclining because the person behind would invariably say no!

Classic Mumsnet. Op asks a question and people completely ignore question and jumps on OP for something that everyone outside of Mumsnet does too. To answer your question OP. No your husband isn’t normal. My dh is always on my side and I feel supported. I would ask him why he doesn’t support you.

This. It’s hard to determine from what you say, OP, whether your husband is zoned out and unsympathetic, or whether you regularly get into altercations with others, and he simply thinks your behaviour invites it, or escalates it.

Next time don't bother . He needs to know how it feels not to be supported.

No, only on mumsnet.

@Attryn

But her husband doesn't support her ? She needs to show him how it feels . As she has said she's been there for him in tough times .

That's no way to live in a relationship though is it, if each party is shrugging their shoulders and not giving a shit about the other what's the point in being together?

I’m surprised at some of these replies. I wouldn’t expect my husband to jump in and defend my honour, so to speak, but I’d expect him to be aware of his surroundings enough to realise my seat was being punched and I was getting into a confrontation, and I would expect some support. I like knowing he always has my back, and I have his. Having said that, your story is changing more and more each time you post so it’s hard to know for sure who was being unreasonable!

ETA who is being unreasonable between you and your husband. The other couple were, without a doubt, unreasonable.

Really changing your story now aren’t you OP.

Maybe go and read your own first post again, because in that he had headphones on, didn’t get involved and shrugged when you told him about it.

Since then your posts have said that he not only befriended them but he joined in laughing at you. I suspect the first story is the more accurate depiction.

I think you are entitled to recline your seat, you don’t need to ask permission, but it is nice to turn around and say I am just about to recline in case they have a drink or something on their tray.

This was a mild interaction and I very much doubt they were being aggressive with you, maybe being firm or unfriendly at worst. I would not expect my husband to get involved in such a minor incident and you are being truly ridiculous to be doing the mumsnet “shaking” over such a non event.

OP mine is like this and it's really hurtful. He either ignores things or just watches like I'm nothing to do with him. If he is in tricky situations I support him and help but he doesn't do the same back.

I can't see the point of a partner if they don't have your back and support you.

Right . In future don't back him up if he is in a dispute or is upset . Just shrug your shoulders and turn away .