To expect my husband to support me?

Agreed. Many people, include MNers, still resent a woman for standing up for herself.

It’s nothing to do with being female, it’s to support the person you’re with.

Two women once rammed a pushchair into my elderly, disabled mum’s legs because she wasn’t going fast enough for them and they thought she was alone. I gave the cunts a piece of my mind because they picked on someone they perceived to be weaker.

If you would just standby and watch abhorrent behaviour then that’s your lookout but don’t expect others to meekly watch.

He's fed up of dealing with your shit

And I didn't interpret that the OP actually wanted her husband to step in / tell the rude lady to fuck off or anything. Did everyone miss that she told him what happened and he actually said he didn't care, then had a nice joke with the couple that were being nasty? That's way beyond 'not getting involved'

Can you give more examples? Because in the only one you've given, I'd say that he was embarrassed you'd reclined your seat with no warning and upset the people sitting behind you.

The responses to this thread are insane. The lady behind the OP was actually punching her seat and being verbally aggressive. Calling the flight crew over is surely the right thing to do, not 'escalating'...escalating would be being aggressive and violent back, surely. Yes the OP could have just sat upright on a 10 hour overnight flight to keep the peace, which is what the rude lady was hoping for...but why the fuck should she? If she had stayed awake and uncomfortable for 10 hours to avoid getting shouted at, everyone would be telling her to grow a backbone.

OP, if you're upset about something (and the vast majority of people would be upset at being shouted at and having their seat punched) it's absolutely not normal for your husband to not give a shit about it, and its really rude and unsupportive to say 'not my problem'. Yes, its not directly his problem, but that's kind of the point of a marriage, that you support each other (not necessarily by stepping in practically, but at least by being sympathetic and caring) when one of you has issues. It seems nasty to me, that he literally doesn't care when something u pleasant happens to you

I personally hate people reclining their seats on a flight which is why I never do it myself. However in my many years of flying not ONE single reclining person has ever asked me if it was ok for them to recline their seat. And the flight attendants always say that passengers have the right to recline their seats. The poster is NBU with regards to the reclining seat. I also don't think she's being unreasonable in wanting her husband's support. Spouses should always support one another.

This you are not a child, being female does not render you useless nor being able to speak for yourself surely you don't need a man to rescue you?

That's absurd. You should give fair warning, yes, and/or visually check and recline very slowly and carefully. You should not have to ask permission else nobody would ever get to recline their seat.

OP - if your husband didn't think it was a big deal he should have offered to swap seats with you.

I'm not going to get into the whole whether it's right to recline or not but I did have a friend who sounds similar to you. She'd always end up in these arguments because she knew she was right. I stood up for her the first couple of times but it got waring and I couldn't be bothered with it in the end so I just stopped going out with her.

It's also important to note agression between men can be very different to agression between women.
As blokes we learn from a very early age (school yard punch-ups) that escalating situations can very quickly lead to physical violence, so for most of us average blokes our default position is to defuse most situations.
If my partner was constantly going around escalating minor situations in public, I would be very worried that I'm going to get punched in the face or worse! It's also just tiresome when someone behaves like that.

This.

I suspect this is one of those threads where what people say they do or expect is very different to what they really do or expect.

Does he respect you in other ways?

My DH is very conflict-avoidant but knowing his family history I can see why, so it's not something I hold against him.

Sorry, only just seeing this. It does sound as if you get more upset by this kind of incident than he does, in which case he doesn’t see the need for ‘support’?

I don’t think there’s any hard and fast ‘rule’ on reclining on transatlantic flights, incidentally, it’s just an observation from general behaviours down the years. People eat, give back their trays, often go to the loo if they are in a middle or window seat so as not to have disturb someone sleeping or deep in a film, and recline.

It’s not disrespectful to recline your seat when the airline staff allow you to.

And her husband didn’t need to laugh along with someone being aggressively violent to his wife.

OP, of course it’s fine to recline on a long haul flight pre-meal or post-meal, people here are just piling on you like this bullying woman.

Your husband was a dick to laugh along with the other man.

This is a sign to stop supporting him. Next time something hapoens to him just shrug and turn away.

Your last paragraph is the most telling. He isn’t bothered, he doesn’t get upset, that’s just not his personality. You want him to be something he’s not and never has been (by the sounds of it).

I’m not saying you’re ‘wrong’ by wanting some support (although I’m the type that probably wouldn’t recline my seat or would wait until everybody else did it because I’ve been brought up to be super conscious of not inconveniencing other people) but he just doesn’t see things the way you do. I think only you can know if he is genuinely not supportive of you in real life or whether he is just different and shows his love for you in a different way than you’d like.

Surely if you thought you would get beaten up your husband would support you ? Where do you draw the line ?

It’s certainly an available reading of ‘this isn’t an isolated incident’ and ‘whenever I feel wronged by someone’. Sure, it’s absolutely possible the OP has been terribly unlucky and has genuinely been blamelessly the victim of other people’s aggression a lot in her life, but it’s also possible she regularly. escalates minor issues.

Yet your displaying lack of respect to others. Including the right of your DH not to become embroiled in your quite obviously contentious behaviour.

Goodness this escalated didn’t it. From her being aggressive and the attendant sorting it to she was going to become violent and apparently punch you.

for me, I don’t wish my husband to get involved in my battles. I’m a grown up. No idea what you expected him to do. Cabin crew sorted it. Sorry you were so scared and thought you were going to get beaten up on board.

@pregahes Yes, he should have your back. If he is not a team player it's probably quite a big adjustment for him to make though.

I am enjoying the ridiculous diversion into how you aren't allowed to recline your seat and how many posters know more about the manners of the couple behind you than you do though. Amazing, really. 😂

I’m with you OP, I had no idea I was supposed to be asking people if it’s OK for me to recline my seat on a long haul flight, and I’ve been on lots of them. I’ve also never, ever been asked by anyone if it’s OK if they recline their seat. As long as the seat is reclined carefully and not during meals I don’t see the issue. I’m also wondering what people do if they do ask and the person says no? What, you just sit with a rigid, straight back for 10+ hours straight? Such a load of nonsense.

Tbh you sound confrontational generally. Maybe he's bored of it. Reclining airline seats is contentious, and an emotionally intelligent person would be more considerate of their rear fellow passenger. Anyway, it'll make you think twice now about reclining without prior consideration, so that's a good thing imo.

Just to add, OP, I don’t agree with PPs who say that you sound like hard work or a drama queen. You may be, but it’s not there in what you’ve written.
I would also feel slighted if my OH didn’t stick up for me when the couple behind started getting rough and verbally aggressive.