To expect my husband to support me?

Have you other examples of him doing this, maybe the flight isn’t a typical situation and it might be distracting from what you are actually asking.

I've flown hundreds of times and have never once been asked by the person in front of me if they can put their seat back. Absolute nonsense.

I'd also want DH's support either at the time or in terms of being understanding afterwards.

OP my husband sounds like yours in this respect. He acts exasperated if I mention any conflict such as what you've described, like he can't be bothered with me/it. I'm fed up of it tbh

I’m with you, Op. I’m married, though not for much longer, to a man like this. He never backed me up and always took the opposing side.

Once, at a concert, I was groped and kissed by a drunken man next to me, in full view of everyone around us.
STBX grinned and nodded along with him as though they were best mates. Another woman actually said to him “That’s your wife he’s just assaulted! Aren’t you going to do anything?!!”
”What’s the point?” he said.

So that’s my advice. Get rid of the useless, wet coward and find someone who values you.

Personally I think anyone who reclines the seat is a total twat

he probably didn’t agree with you reclining seat but rather than back the people up behind you he kept his mouth shut because you were wrong ( yes your allowed but it’s incredibly selfish on the person behind you )

Your follow up examples don't suggest he was undermining you, rather he sounds tired of putting up with your unproductive anger in the home when someone outside the home upsets you.

How exactly did your anger help you in either of those situations?

If you have a row with someone they are a dickhead. If you are having rows with everyone then you need to look for other common denominator.

DidoKaftan "It does sound as if you get more upset by this kind of incident than he does, in which case he doesn’t see the need for ‘support’?"

The chair incident affected the OP, maybe if the husband's chair had been punched he would have been bothered.

If someone was being aggressive to my husband on a flight next to me, I would not ignore it.

I partly agree with HebburnPokemon "He’s scared of confrontation" but then you said he said "...when we got off the flight I told him I expected more and he said he had three glasses of wine and wasn't interested"

Which suggests he doesn't care much for you.

@pregahes just be aware that mumsnet attracts people who want to argue with you. So some people may take a contrary position to you, because that is what they do.

Your husband should support you in being spoken to politely, even if you were in the wrong which I do not think you were in the plane seat situation.

Sounds to me like de- escalating this utterly trivial situation by not getting involved is exactly what this situation needed!

Either you, the woman behind you or both of you were spoiling for a fight. In that case ‘having your back’ by failing to get involved made it better, not worse

Soz, mistake. Deleted.

No one has ever asked me if I mind the seat being reclined and I've been on plenty of flights.

That would be a massive red flag for me . Loyalty is probably the most important thing in every relationship I have from friends to partner . You stick to yours no matter what .
My partner is much better at diffusing a situation than me I give him that , but we have each others backs.

My OH often does what I would call really embarrassing complaining/setting people straight. He wouldn't call it that. I find it hideously embarrassing and often walk off so people don't know he's with me. Two things are going on at the same time. I'm mortally afraid of any type of confrontation and hate having attention drawn to me. He thinks he's being reasonable and is confident enough to speak out. Maybe your OH is a bit like me?

With the seat recline thing you are in the wrong I'm afraid. But you can't accept that I see and keep defending it.

Surely asking cabin crew to intervene is the correct response in the situation OP outlines? DH getting involved would likely only exacerbate the situation. OP had already called for cabin crew so there was nothing for him to do.

There is a special place in hell for people who recline their seat. Unless it’s night time and everyone is doing it.

It's annoying as hell when people recline their seats on flights. I know it's "allowed" outside of certain times but it isn't polite imo.

Maybe your husband feels the same so didn't want to get involved in an issue where he secretly thought you shouldn't have reclined your seat.

To comment on the reclining seat issue isn’t derailing the thread. The OP asked if her husband had been unreasonable in not sticking up for her. If she had been walking along the street and someone out of the blue slapped a drink out of her hands then, yes he should stick up for her. If she has been a pain in the neck, reclining her seat without checking if the person behind has got a drink or laptop on the table and got herself into (what sounds like yet another) altercation, then he’s probably just tired of it.

By your own admission you escalate things and don't back down.

He's probably just sick of the unnecessary hassle you create.

I'm also the type that just wouldn't be arsed getting involved with mini spats over small stuff. I'm not a pushover and can stand up for myself but I'm not spoiling for a fight all the time. If my partner had a spat with someone over reclining a seat, I would stay out of it and be annoyed if he escalated it in any way.

You can't control how other people behave but you can control your reaction to it.

Oh the IRONY of you calling people twats. 😂

@Lampslights good luck to the captain.