To expect my husband to support me?

More like he knew you would speak up and he would look a saint while you looked like a shit . I bet he would have spoken up if you were not there .

www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-12144327/amp/Etiquette-experts-say-recline-seat-flight-circumstances

www.outsideonline.com/adventure-travel/advice/airplane-seats-reclining-rules/

thepointsguy.com/guide/jetiquette-reclining-airplane-seat/

www.fodors.com/news/travel-tips/dont-recline-your-plane-seat

https://www.travelandleisure.com/travel-tips/etiquette-for-reclining-seat-on-airplane

and countless articles, saying you should check with the person behind you that there is nothing on the table for you to knock off or break!!!

It sounds like you get irrationally angry about small things, and then vent to your husband about it and expect him to match your energy. As a very chill person who rarely gets properly angry, I understand his perspective. Do you know how exhausting it is to have someone very highly strung trying to froth you up every time someone "slights" them in any minor way? It's very, very exhausting! I'm sorry but I just can't get my head in a tizz about small things and wouldn't be able to even if my husband was frothing about it. It might come across as uncaring but it's more just... Inability to understand why you're so bloody cross.

I think you maybe just need to learn to relax a bit to be honest. I understand being put out by some of the situations mentioned, but anger? Angry enough to try and drag my husband into the anger too? Nah. Don't get it.

You can recline your seat any time, without asking anyone (of course not during meals but asking beforehand any other time is ridiculous). Your husband should back you up. I’m sorry that happened to you - if I was your seat mate I’d have backed you up against those nutters.

I fucking hate people reclining airplane seats, it's rude. I don't want your head in my lap thanks very much. So for that reason YABU.

Interesting window into your attitude. People who feel that reclining is rude, don't need their opinion "clearing up" 😂 it's how they feel. Quite patronising. FWIW, I don't think the article would exist, nor describe this issue as "one of the most polarizing debates in travel" if there wasn't a huge amount people who feel the reclining is inconsiderate, and a trigger for arguments.

You apparently seem to lack any comprehension that you might just possibly be wrong any given subject too then?
Flight times are published as an average. Wind speed will determine whether the plane will be above or below this estimate on the day. It has nothing to do with the pilot going deliberately faster!!

I think this is nuts too.

If you can't remember parts of what happened then they aren't worth complaining about.

You started typing a complaint list while on holiday...yes, that would annoy me too. I couldn't understand why you wouldn't just focus on enjoying the holiday.

And as for flying the plane faster? I don't have the words to comment on that!

@Dacadactyl I was on a flight where someone reclined and the people behind pushed the seat up. Eventually the staff moved the lady trying to recline but not until she was in tears over the whole thing. I got the feeling it was something they see all the time and they weren't particularly sympathetic either way (it was a day flight).

You wanted to complain that the pilot didn’t fly the plane faster? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 come on, this thread has to be a wind-up

As an aside, I would never recline a plane seat unless it was night time and every one was doing it. It’s so horrible getting your space restricted because the person in front has suddenly jutted right back into your knees.
I know you’re within your rights to, I just wouldn’t anyway as I wouldn’t like it done to me.
That said, I wouldn’t do what the aggressive passengers did either. I’d be annoyed but know there was nothing I could do about it.

You could be married to my husband, @Imgoingtobefree. Exactly that, can't be seen in a bad light by anyone, though he certainly doesn't care much about my opinion. Are you still with your DH? The thing is, each incident seems trivial. It's very easy for them to dismiss it. But over time it really adds up and you realise you feel totally unloved and supported, and that they completely don't care what you think or feel.

IMO it's bad form to recline your seat until the lights go off on a night flight. I wouldn't expect someone to recline on a day flight.

If you genuinely thought the woman was going to get violent, I'm surprised you continued to recline your seat. If you are the type of person to become afraid during confrontation and rely on others to solve it (your husband and ultimately the air hostess), it's probably not a good idea to go around confronting people. Sometimes it's just not worth it, so choose your battles wisely.

All that said, I'm on my partners side 100%. Even if I think he's been a dick, I'd totally support him in the moment against others. I'd expect the same from him.

Jesus H Christ. It's entirely normal to recline your seat on overnight flights. No one has ever asked me, nor would I expect them to.

I understand exactly how you feel, OP. My DH is the same. He cares far more about what some random stranger thinks than he does about the impact on me. I've thought about it a lot, and it's part of a pattern of lack of empathy and concern. Like you, I find it deeply hurtful - I'm very loyal, and would 100% have his back if someone picked a fight with him. He knows that, but I have to live with the fact that he would never do the same for me. It's one of the reasons I'm considering leaving him.

My husband often didn’t support me, it caused deep seated issues among many other things wrong with our marriage.

I finally realised that my ex couldn’t bear for anyone to see him in a bad light.

We once lost our luggage after a long flight. We had to trek to the other end of a large airport to find the rep - when we got there, they said “just go to your hotel Im sure your luggage will turn up soon and we’ll deliver it to your hotel.”

I wanted a bit more reassurance of how long we might have to wait and what we did if it didn’t turn up by the next morning. My ex was on a business trip and needed to wear something semi formal the next day for work, and we had no overnight stuff either in our hand luggage.

After a bit, the reps offered us vouchers that would allow us to buy essentials until the luggage arrived. It was a reasonable amount and we went off and got chinos and a smart shirt for my husband.

Needless to say while all this was going on he stood about 15 feet away from us and said it was embarrassing when I was sitting on a low rail to talk to them. (There was no where else to sit).

He just couldn’t bear to be seen as less than perfect. He was perfectly able to take people to task when it mattered to him - but would rather eat a slightly crap meal than complain.

Another time we had decorators in who did a really bad job. He just wanted to pay them off as we would never have to use them again. I did talk to them and got a reduction. I thought I had done quite well, and when I went to tell him, he just said something along the lines of ‘I don’t want to know, I find it all a bit embarrassing’.

This was someone who expected me to thank him everytime he emptied the dishwasher “for me”, but would make me feel I had done something wrong when I had actually saved us a reasonable amount of money. I was generally in charge of admin - usually booked flights, sorted travel insurance, hotels etc, etc.

Its saps at you if you start to realise they don’t have your back, and won’t support you. But they fully expect emotional support and physical help when it’s their problem.

"I actually think on reflection I need to work on my reaction to situations. People are going to behave in ways I don't expect them too/ I need to work on not letting it get to me as it only harms myself. Even if they're in the wrong, my reaction I can control their shitty behaviour I can't.

If anyone has any suggestions, they're welcome 😊"

@pregahes it does seem you react strongly and share your thoughts with your DH. I am not sure reacting strongly is always a good thing for oneself, it does leave one open and vulnerable. better to earn lessons, e.g. not to make plans involving tickets with that particular friend.

I think you can work on your own responses, to make life easier for you.

In terms of your dh, I guess I wonder what the rest of the relationship is like. Have you been together long, been married long, have kids etc.? Are you a united team who want the same things etc?

would you consider some counselling together?

I wish you good luck in the future, you sound like a thoughtful person who doesn't want to be pushed around, which is good.

Friends husbands reaction when she told him she had been sexually harassed and groped at work - nothing to do with me why should I have to be involved !

I’ll support my partner 100% if they are right. If they are wrong I am not going to compound the issue by supporting them and encouraging them down the wrong path.

You are coming across as someone who over reacts and allows yourself to stew yourself into a state for extended periods after the event over the minor annoyances which absolutely everyone in life has to put up with.
There will always be badly behaved dickheads. As you’ve said here, you need to control how much headspace you allow them.
Calmly and politely sticking quietly to your guns annoys the absolute shit out of these sort of people in my experience and is far more satisfying. Ranting either in person or behind closed doors only hurts you
It sounds like your OH is tired of your over reaction

Maybe he's human and cannot help but be upset when you're bringing unproductive anger into the marriage because of someone else, and even when he agrees with you, you still call him a bad husband because he won't get just as angry as you do about it.

Wow, there are some people with such low expectations of their partners here. Of course he should have supported you OP including just by comforting you after an upsetting incident. That’s what marriage is - you’re a team always especially in public - if he thought you could have done something differently then he can tell you after the event in private.