To expect my husband to support me?

But you ask first. You are, after all, crowding someone behind you and maybe they have a drink, or a child on their lap, and you've just reclined as if no-one is behind you. You were in the wrong to do this and then you were 'polite' and would not take the answer that you should not recline your seat. I suspect your husband thinks you are a bit of a drama queen and ignores it for the sake of peace. Maybe think more about how your actions might affect others - because you did not think about this when you reclined your seat.

You’ve had some odd replies on here. Seat reclining v not reclining threads are usually 50:50 ish.

It does sound like that couple were really aggressive and rude to you and that your husband was very wrong just to leave you to it. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of seat reclining.

Yes, his attitude has improved. At the time, I was being bullied by highly educated professionals. My superiors. My bosses. It was so unreal that they could be the instigators, it just defied belief they could act in that way. So I can kind of understand how he didn't get it at first. I didn't get what was happening to me at first either!

His response "are you sure it's not you"? It wasn't & I left that job shortly afterwards, but thanks

That’s awful @savethatkitty . Has his attitude improved?

When I get a whiff of that kind of victim blamey attitude from a partner or friend I’m off. I had a now ex-friend who said similar. Good thing HR, ACAS and various colleagues didn’t agree with her and upheld my grievance and compensated me. Even they could see it wasn’t me.

Is he simply a coward?

OP, I totally get where your coming from. Upon starting a new job a few years back, I began to get bullied immediately. I put up with it for about 2 months, thinking maybe I was imagining it, so I didn't say anything. One day though, after a particularly humiliating day I came home & just burst into tears, finally telling hubby about the bullying etc. His response "are you sure it's not you"? It wasn't & I left that job shortly afterwards, but thanks

Slight difference between losing a large sum of money and having an embarrassing barney with someone on a plane. Maybe he doesn’t agree with how you deal with others or felt embarrassed by how you handled the situation. I mean I can’t remember ever needing any support from my husband after an altercation and it seems as though all of your posts add to how bad it was to garter more support from posters

By the time you are in your 40s and have had to put up with an additional 20+ years of people being arseholes you might think differently.
I avoid confrontation and my DH hates it, but sometimes you do need to stand up or otherwise people will just continually get away with treating others like shit.

i haven’t read the whole thread but it seems like you’re getting a really hard time from some posters and your thread is getting derailed. Of course you should be able to put your seat back. I’ve never asked anyone and no one’s ever asked me. That’s why the seats recline.

Your husband sounds like a dick. He needs to support you not ignore your needs.

People like this are vile. You feel the need to have a partners backup when you feel like being aggressive to others. Normally the type to pick on single people with children

Well, your husband isn’t going to change so it’s on you to change how you feel about it. Hopefully, if you’re in a serious conflict he would come to your rescue. In the meantime, don’t sweat the small stuff.

You are definitely being unreasonable.

You give an example of an anti-social airplane act and expect your husband to defend you.

You sound all entitlement.

And yet we know reclining aircraft seats is a matter of etiquette. Short European flights - it's just rude, which is why seats on new shorthaul aircraft no longer recline.

When passengers are eating. It's difficult, not impossible, if people recline their seats.

When you go on longhaul flights (7+ hours), everyone needs to sleep. Everyone needs to accommodate everyone else.

But seeing all the yobs on flights - you did exactly the right thing and directed it to cabin crew to manage.

Your husband did the right thing and did not get involved with this woman and man. Or you might have found yourselves both escorted orf the aircraft or arrested on landing.

So what do you want?

No one is entirely right or wrong in an aircraft chair situation. Fat people press their bodies up against yours with no permission. You reclining makes it difficult for people in the row behind to get out and go to the toilet. Your husband not getting involved, saved you from becoming arrested.

It's a difficult one.

You seem to have no empathy for how you impact people around you.

And yet you want sympathy because your husband does not understand you you may feel???

Honestly you sound very emotional, where drama surrounds you and your husband isn’t interested in being involved.

we co-exist in a world with other people, they will at times behave in an unexpected way but what’s the point in getting yourself upset over such insignificant things? Have you ever heard the phrase “pick your battles”?

you keep mentioning being 40 so needing to stand up for yourself. I really don’t understand the impulsiveness/propensity to be volatile? I’m in my 20s and would have ignored the majority of what you have described, because in perspective, I have a dozen other things going on that warrant my attention. You must have a pretty easy going life if this is what riles you up?

I haven't flown in years. I didn't even realise it was the thing to ask. I know I'd never want to recline too much in case someone started booting my seat. But the issue here is they were aggressive, booting your seat and the gobful. Yes I'd expect some support there, absolutely. Even if husband felt you were in the wrong id still expect some involvement, speaking up or words to the effect of ' hang on, that's unnecessary ' to the other couple.

When I read the replies on these threads it is apparent there are some absolute witches on MN with nothing better than to aim their own misery at posters.

Husband needs a word basically!

Exactly. It’s common courtesy to ask if you can enter their space is it not?

My husband once gave a taxi driver a round of applause for giving me a very stern telling off when I pulled into a station taxi rank to drop our daughter off..
😅

I can't see the point of a partner if they don't have your back and support you

This is my exact sentiment, what’s the point?

OP I guess this is just one example of a pattern of behaviour he is displaying. As pp said unfortunately you’re best to stop backing him up so you can save your strength for your battles that you need to fight yourself.

Irrespective of seat or plane etiquette if a couple was getting aggressive with you he should’ve at least showed concern for you even if he didn’t want to confront them.

I was once dating a guy like that and it didn’t last.

He sounds like a people pleaser who would rather be amicable with those around him than support you.

If the case is that he finds you unnecessarily combative and dramatic etc he needs to voice that and then you need to have a discussion.

Mine is like this too. He hates confrontation but I’ve explained as my husband he should be there to support me as I support him. Not sure it changes anything, he gets it just doesn’t do confrontation. He is on the spectrum though and great in many other ways. I’ve said I don’t mind if he doesn’t want to confront anyone, just make you are supporting me if I need it.

It sounds like I can be when I’m totally checked out of a situation and don’t care

And as we all know, the height of politeness is being passive aggressive toward strangers on the internet as a way to put people down, rather than using your words to say what you really mean.

I’d forgotten how great that song is. Thank you.

Listen to Bob Dylan’s song “It ain’t me babe”. The lyrics basically say not to expect support when in the wrong.

Without sounding rude - I think that your main point was that he doesn’t have your back?
Stop having his if he doesn’t have yours and see what happens - he might just be oblivious to the fact you hoped for his support

You say you didn’t realise its etiquette to wait to recline until after the meal is served ? Have you ever tried to eat a meal with the person in front reclined ? Did your husband and person in front of you have their seats reclined ? You sound quite hard work and entitled and he’s probably had enough of similar situations.

This rang alarm bells for me
if it’s a one off let it go , but if he regularly behaves this way huge red flag 🚩
my ex ( covert Narcissist)
be behaved in this way for 20 years, any time I needed him to step up and support me he just
took a step back and I felt he almost enjoyed it, now I realise he was actively involved in many problems and his response was oh I thought it was nothing or stepped away

its not normal I now realise for your partner now to be supportive
check in with yourself is he a repeat offender