Can school do this? - managed move

My DD is also at a very strict school. She has sen (diagnosed dyslexia but suspects ADHD too). She is a very well behaved child but does get a lot of misconduct points.

A few of the things that have helped her.
She is doing the secondary equivalent of ELSA. The benefit of this is that she has built a relationship with a safe person, she has a one page profile outlining how her sen presents, what’s she is good at likes and what helps her. I do have to regularly contact the school as it isn’t always followers (DD is academic and masks like a pro so some of the teachers don’t realise.)

DD has a printed timetable in her room in case she needs extra (pe kit etc) but keeps the rest in her bag. I know others who have a checklist at the front door, could say bag, shoes, lunch etc.

Pencil cases - buy a box of these and she takes one every days

www.stationerywholesale.co.uk/small-flat-filled-clear-exam-pencil-case-stationery-set/

If she has adhd you are wasting your time telling her stuff you need to support her to develop routines.

Yes, actually.

You are comparing yourself to a child that potentially has a disability. You wouldn’t compare your ability to see with a visually impaired person. The disability is invisible. OP, you are better posting on the SN boards as you’ll just get a lot on ignorance here. Please get in contact with your local SENDIASS for support. If your daughter hasn’t already, please ask school for a SEN support plan to help her get the support she needs from school. You may have a local adhd support group near you that you can tap into.

Suspensions and internal exclusions are really not that unusual. Maybe I see them more in my line of work, but they are used for lots of low-level behaviours that are better managed by reasonable adjustments and SEN support plans.

I worked in education.

Many adhd children worry about going into lessons and going into school. They know that they do things teachers don't like - fiddling, repetitive body movements, constantly forgetting equipment etc.

They also often over-react. Teachers tell them off for not having equipment and they get upset and have a row with the teacher like the teacher is their parent.

It can be really hard to stop that dynamic.

I'd suggest buying multiple pencil cases with the squirmy she needs. Pack her bag with her each night. Try to create a box system of folders and files for each subject.

If she doesn't have a diagnosis,look to get one.if she doesn't have an EHCP look to get one.

Consider medication - it is often at this stage that children with adhd really struggle as they can get into a mindset that the teachers hate them and it's very difficult once you have that.

As a parent of a child with ASD/ADHD I say get her into the new school as soon as possible. It's not going to get better where she is.

Some schools think you can simply punish the neurodiversity out of a child - you can't. Her executive function will worsen because she'll be anxious about what she's going to be punished for next. Being constantly in fight or flight mode is no good at all for mental health.

If the new school say she has a place liase just with them and start your daughter there as quickly as you can. You have the right to change schools. Your current school is trying to exert control when actually, if there is no official managed move needed, they don't need to be involved at all.

Lord I think she's doing fine OP - hopefully next school is more supportive and she'll thrive there.

She's undergoing assessment.

As are about 5 kids in each of my classes. By year 8 it's unlikely it wouldn't already have been picked up. Her behaviour sounds very typically teenage pushing against the rules though, I'll give you that.

@concernedchild do you have ADHD?

I really don't understand how you can let her act like this? Being suspended in year 8 is so serious.

I never had a detention. If she forgets things in the morning, lay them out the night before. My mum always used to make sure my bag was packed the night before school. By the end of year 7 I was doing it alone and never forgot anything.

How on earth does she forget her shoes????

Definitely some posters on here who have no experience of ADHD or possibly teens in general. OP it sounds like the new school is more on board and it will be a good fresh start for your DD. When does she move? I would pro-activily contact the HoY and SENCO to work out strategies available from day 1. A few things that help my ds and similar kids in the school I work in are:

A spare pencil case constantly topped up by me with necessary equipment

A timetable printed on the fridge with reminders for unusual stuff like cooking equipment or lab coat or shin pads

Teachers asked to not apply "usual" sanctions for missing rulers or whatever and just loan one. ..honestly, I massively eye roll at colleagues who hand out sanctions for this crap..just loan one and let everyone get on with learning. For SEN kids, a daily diet of low level telling off is utterly demoralising.

Re uniform infringement..95% of the girls do this. They get told every morning, as teachers walk past them, in each class, at lunch. They unroll, then do it again. Ditto make up and jewellery. It's teens. There's a balance to be struck and battles to pick. If I've got a semi- school avoider, SEN child in my class engaging and learning I'm not going to upset that by whacking her in detention for a bit of thigh on show. BUT I would talk to her quietly about it if it was so high I could literally see her side arse when she sits down.

Good luck op.

With all respect, she hasn't been suspended and effectively asked to leave for uniform breaches and forgetting things.

Hopefully her new school will be better for her, but you need to listen to whatever the people spending all day with your daughter are telling you about her. And work with them.

Good luck.

Ignore the nasty posts OP, there are teachers on MN who think schools and teachers can do no wrong.

Sounds like the school are butt hurt that they can’t control her anymore

I would tell them that any attempt to start her off on the wrong foot at her new school will result in a complaint by you.