To think DD's Dad should help if he can?

The wife is entitled to her opinion and if it's joint money then she can have her say.

Yeah it's more like a little extra tax

My parents were excellent parents but I'm still "saddled" with debt. You know what I wouldn't change it for the world. Yeah I have to pay a small proportion of it back in my salary each month but it stopped when I was on mat leave and frankly it was worth it.

I think they were unreasonable to have had the discussion while DD was in the house given they could so easily have had it another time.

OP I think its nothing to do with you.

Fwiw - my DH is going to give his DSC half the maintenance payments he gives to mum at the moment when they stop. It will be a sizable amount as he pays quite a bit.

If I was DD I'd pretend I hadn't heard that conversation and speak to her dad alone and say that with starting uni soon she was wondering if he'll be able to please support her financially in any way. Nothing to lose seeing as his wife is wanting to stop all financial contribution anyway.

She needs to have a discussion with him. She shouldn’t have really assumed. They should not have had the conversation when she was around, but the DF should also have had a conversation with his wife; if it’s all coming from the family pot

Then it really may be a case of if we give one DC money per month post 18 years old then we need to do equal for the other DC - maybe that is where it becomes unaffordable for them?
I would ask your ex what his future plan is, give him all of your DD’s uni costs and future outgoings and just be upfront

Now you know partly why.....

I highly value education the step mother’s mindset is alien to me. She sounds like an arse.

On a different point, I don’t know why people get their knickers in a knot over “30k worth of debt”. University debt isn’t considered in the same way credit card debt is, it doesn’t impact credit score etc. Yes you repay it, proportionally to your actual earnings. It’s not a drama.

Obviously his wife!

But unfortunately their are to many women entering blended families who completely disregard their husbands children.

This is a conversation that your daughter should have with her father. He should want to be part of her success- and by the sounds of it he wants to be.

Has this women not got her own children.... because I've got a 21 year old in uni and she wouldn't survive without our support.

My 25 year old son... often asks for financial support x even I would ask my parents for support!

It doesn't end because they leave school.

YANBU.
unlless it’s changed I thought your DD still counts as a dependent whist in higher education to 21? Money goes to them directly . If probs get some legal advice.

the step mum is unreasonable to marry someone with a child and not want to support them. Yes you can work through uni but you also need time to study and those with financial pressures can struggle to get the grades.

My ex then said that he was planning on using the money each month to help DD at university

He does want to contribute. As a family they might not be in a position to.

I thought you still paid of they was in higher education?

There is a parental contribution calculator on Martin Lewis’ website where you can input your salary and see how much of the loan DD will get. It would be nice if your ex will help you meet that shortfall, even if it means continuing with his £150. Good luck.

I thought if children were at university they still had to pay child maintenance

It sounds like you and your ex need to have a serious conversation. Your daughter’s Cost of Living Loan will be based on your total household income, since she lives with you. This includes you and your DH or DP, if you have one. (Even if he’s a DP, if he lives with you, his income DOES count toward your DD’s eligibility.) She will get the full £10-£13k-ish loan if your household earns under £25k. Anything above £25k for your household income means that your DD will lose a portion of that loan—it continues to drop the higher your household income is. If your DD gets a partial loan, the government expect her parents to make up the shortfall and pay for the difference between her loan and the cost of her living expenses. This is known as the Parental Contribution. It is obviously optional, and down to the goodwill of the parents in wanting to ensure that their children can eat and can put a roof over their head while studying, as it is due to their finances that their child does not get the full loan. It sounds like step-mum wants to drop DD and not pay toward the parental contribution, which is a shame.

And he does want to help out. It's the new wife that seems to be the problem.

£150 could be nothing to some families and two weeks worth of food for others - so whether it's a reasonable expectation or not really depends on all sorts of things.

It seems quite a spiteful mindset that your exH's wife has. It seems like she's counting down the days until she can say "technically your DD is an adult now" and justify being awkward about any financial assistance he might want to give.

A parent is a parent for life and part of that is supporting our children to be functioning, independent adults.

It's understandable that your DD is hurt.

Have you gone through CMS? £150 seems low with EOW contact, has his income not increased in 15 years?

DD needs to speak to her dad about ongoing support she’s hoping for. She doesn’t need to mention what she heard.

@TigBitss

Again, no, that's clearly not what I'm saying - I wonder why you are so determined to misread it?

I'm saying that a good parent would want to contribute.

So even if it turned out they couldn't, they would still want to be able to, surely?

I can understand not being able to financially contribute, but I can't understand also not wanting to.

@FineWordsForAPorcupine so you're only a good parent as long as you can contribute to uni in some way, that is still what you're saying. Individual circumstances come in to play, nit just a sweeping comment of being a good parent because you pay towards it.

Ok @TigBitss and @lifebeginsaftercoffee you seem to have read what I wrote as "you can only be a good parent if you completely fund your child through uni".

Whereas what I actually said was good parents want to help out to try to mitigate their child starting adult life saddled with £30k debt.

You'll notice words like "help out", "try to" and "mitigate" there, not "completely pay for".