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AIBU?

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Original poster

Facebook posts after relatives death

29 replies

Celticnewyear · 20/03/2024 23:34

Very recently lost a grandparent. They were into their nineties and had never used a computer and certainly have no friends using Facebook! We are a very small family and I’ve no doubt anyone who needed to know about the death was informed within 30 mins or so of it happening.

About 30 mins after being told myself, my sibling had already posted an announcement/sympathy post of it on social media. I’m 39 weeks pregnant with first DC and I was quite upset that my grandparent won’t get to meet them and my sibling has posted lots of pics of my grandparent holding their babies for the first time which has upset me.

My dad is a very private person who is struggling with the loss of his parent and seeing these posts from my sibling will probably upset him too.

AIBU to be firstly baffled why people need to turn to social media at times like this and second am IBU to be upset about the pics being shared? I’m aware I’m a hormonal mess atm so prepared to be told that I’m being ridiculous but I find the whole thing unnecessary especially when it’s not to ‘announce’ a death or give details of a funeral.

OP posts:
benjoin · 20/03/2024 23:47

You'll be upset your grandparent won't meet them either way

For some people social media is a way of saying this person was important to me, they existed, they mattered, I'm hurting

BIWI · 20/03/2024 23:46

Using facebook is a way to share news, as well as experiences, with friends and your wider circle. TBH it's often easier to share news like this, rather than have to call/contact people individually. And, of course, you can share photos/videos of the person who has died.

I'm sorry for your loss, but honestly these days, it's very common for people to share news like this.

MeinKraft · 20/03/2024 23:46

I mean, we are all different. Some people take comfort in keeping their feelings private, retreating from others. And some immediately reach out to others for comfort. When someone dies family and friends tend to gather round, and this post is your sister's way of letting people know she needs them to gather round her. It's much easier to do this on social media when you are grieving than in person because you don't have to make any effort, don't have to answer the door, don't have to respond until you are ready to. Sometimes it's just a way to signal 'hey world, I am feeling a bit fragile so please give me some consideration for a few days' and sometimes it's just a bit of a celebration of life, feeling like you want to acknowledge publicly that this amazing person you loved has left this world.

On the second point, I don't think it will have occurred to her yet that you're feeling sad that your child won't meet your grandmother, that might be something you need to spell out to her. But the pictures she chose are part of showing how much your grandmother meant to her and her family and I don't think she was being unreasonable to post them.

Anyway, I'm really sorry for your loss Flowers I'm sure you're feeling devastated, angry, lonely but that's all the more reason not to fall out with your sister over this. In the grand scheme of things we are all just getting by in the little ways we can.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 20/03/2024 23:41

YANBU to be upset but YABU to judge how others deal with their grief. I didn’t write a post but I did change my cover picture to my Nan when she died. It brought me some comfort but I can’t really explain why. My uncle (not blood related to my Nan) sent me a message telling me to change it. It was my way of grieving and he had the choice not to look at my profile.

If you or your dad are finding it upsetting, you can ‘mute’ someone for 30 days on Facebook.