Facebook posts after relatives death

Was just about to say this. It does my head in. As if as soon as someone dies, they log onto Facebook to see what people are saying about them.

When my Dad died, I put 'RIP Dad' on my status. This was very much not for sympathy (to be perfectly honest, sympathy is not something I particularly like. Empathy is what means more to me). I put it as I have firstly, some cousins on my facebook friends list who I'm not close enough to, to have their phone numbers despite being first cousins. Secondly I have quite a few family friends abroad and some of my Dad's ex work colleagues whom I'd worked with also and at that moment in time, I couldn't bring myself to message each person to tell them. Let alone partake in the subsequent conversation and inevitable explanation of how he'd passed etc.

@Celticnewyear

the simple answer
leave facebook

social media is utter BS
harms our youth and whilst 15 years ago was fun it now isn't and the fact that companies have monetised your info with out being open about that is a disgrace

I left and I am so much happier for it
staying on endorses harm to the youth.

It’s horrible. My dm was a very private person and would hate the thought of something like this being posted. She made her feelings very clear on a number of occasions. That didn’t stop certain family members posting non stop about how heartbroken they are. It’s not all about them, they should think about the feelings of the deceased person they are posting about, rather than begging for attention in such a crass manner.

Although social media is, by its very nature, a place to share personal news, I kind of agree with you about this, especially if nobody on Facebook is likely to know the deceased person. I'd have checked with other family members before sharing the news and photos. Sorry for your loss.

I'd never do it myself, but YABU to be upset at someone doing it. And really unfair making the comments about them holding other families babies.

I feel for you

But that's the nature of Facebook, I'm afraid. People use it how they like. For example, if you posted wedding photos (not sure if you're married?) it may have upset people who were single not by choice. If you post baby photos in due course, they may upset people who are childless not through choice. If you ever post holiday photos, they may upset people who cannot travel due to health / funds

I think your sibling posting within 30 mins is a bit "me, me, me " but probably best not to fall out over it. I'm sure your gran wouldn't have wanted that

Sorry for your loss. Hope baby lifts your spirits

I'm sorry for your loss.
I don't think your sibling has done anything wrong. Many people reach out on social media when they're sad. I personally don't but I understand why others do.

She’s your sibling but that don’t mean you think the same . She had her own relationship with her DGM and so did her kids . It may help her in her grieving process to receive condolences from her social media friends. Although I do think half an hour is rather quick . But maybe she was also just letting people know . There is no right or wrong . Best unfollow her if it upsets you .

It's all about the likes!!!!
I would be horrified and upset too. YANBU!

Different people manage grief in different ways. It doesn't sound as if the posts are disrespectful more that you disapprove of the posts. I'd come off Facebook or unfollow your sister.

Private and dignified..I don't see the need for family photos and gushing prose on FB.

I personally find this crass but, as others have said, we all deal with this stuff differently. I am super reserved. If I were you I’d mute her and focus on processing your loss in your own way.

I think some people find some comfort in posting on social media.

It's just a way of sharing news with their circle, and it's also validating - 'my grandparent was important to me, and I am hurting'.

I don't think it's attention-seeking. It's just a low pressure way to share that news without having to contact every friend individually.

Sometimes friends don't know what to say about grief - sharing with everyone at once also allows friends to contact them and offer comfort if they want / feel able to - but if they don't, at least they know the situation.

I just lost my dad in January and I loved that everyone posted all their photos of him. I saved them all into a big album, scanned in all my own and made a big slideshow to play at the wake.

We do have a very large family through so we did ask everyone not to post anything for the first 24 hours so that we would have time to call everyone (almost 50 calls across a few timezones).

Just wait for the annual "happy heavenly birthday posts" 🙄 sorry for your loss 💐

I'm sorry for your loss. But she was your siblings Gran to and it's her own social media. You say you are "baffled", it just shows everyone is different that's all and everyone deals with grief in different ways.

Hmm, I have to agree with you here. I've no idea why anyone would need to post in the situation you've described. As others have said, I don't think you can raise it with her without causing more upset, but I think it's an odd thing to do.

I posted on facebook when my father died. Friends knew he was in hospital and I was visiting. I kept getting messages and texts asking me how he was doing and hoping he was doing well. The messages although well intentioned were upsetting. It was just easier to tell everyone at once so they stopped.

When people are upset about an important thing (bereavement), they often focus on an unimportant thing (trivial thing someone did or said). It’s a distraction strategy and a way of not focusing on the important thing.

It’s OK if it helps but don’t say anything out loud which may cause a future rift.

Some families come together wonderfully at difficult times but sadly many are ruptured. Tolerance, tolerance, tolerance. And 💐 for you.

I am sorry for your loss.
I voted unreasonable but after reading replies- I actually understand this action better. After my Mum died I had an instinct ( which I didn’t act on) to send pictures and stories of her to friends. I suppose I just want to reminisce and share memories, for others to see how great she was. I didn’t send pictures of course- but what I was craving was what one might get at a wake

My heart goes out to you re: timing. Your sister likely has not made the connection
I recently had a baby and really struggled with idea my mum would not meet baby but I have in my head she is the reason my baby is here. ( I got pregnant after she died so I appreciate it different). I can empathise the importance of photos for some reason I genuinely struggled to accept that I would not have an photo of the people I loved most together ( even though that was physically impossible) .
i did try to remind myself of the circle of life- that one person passes and a new miracle begins. My daughters middle name is my mums

take care

My thoughts exactly. It's not a good reflection on her that her first thought was to run to Facebook and make a post.

Personally I'd find that behaviour at that speed very self-absorbed, but I wouldn't say anything.

Just block her or avoid her social media for a while whilst you grieve in your own way and she in hers/

It's probably better to just mute your sibling just now if you're struggling.

They obviously grieve differently to you, and that's OK, it's a way of reaching out for support , and part of what social media is for.

It sounds like you cope in a different way and that's OK too, so you just need to minimise the impact on yourself.

So sorry for your loss, its difficult at any time, but being so pregnant must be a whole mix of emotuons for you💐 and good luck with the birth of your dc, I bet you can wait for those newborn scrunchy cuddles.

The only thing I would say is 30 minutes is a bit too soon. I'd perhaps have left it a day so that everyone who needs to be told can be told

Should have added that I’m sorry for your loss. Especially hard when so close to giving birth. 💐