to think 5 months maternity is fine and they can deal with it?

Everyone is different. I wouldn't want to do it but I worked with someone who had 4 weeks off and she had her two weeks holiday in France during the 4 weeks. She was fine, I was more concerned about the 16 year old school leaver who was caring for the baby all day but obviously that wasn't my business.

I went back a few days after a few months, was fine. Was quite nice to get out the house tbh.

When maternity leave was first introduced in the UK, it was three months, which was considered long enough to recover from the birth, establish some sort of routine for your baby and get back in harness before you forgot how to do the job.

Like what?

It;s absolutely doable and a great chance for DH to bond with the baby. I had 5.5 months with each of mine, then went back to on-site work full time, DH was the stay-at-home parent & just took over. I exclusively BF up to this point, then went to expressing, so kids were all BF past a year (they did tend to cluster feed at nights, but you shouldn't have that problem if you are around to feed during the day. Dads will step up well if they know they will have to, and will find their own way with the baby.

My eldest had reflux for her first year. Still had to go back to work when she was 5 months old.

I was entitled to 18 weeks' maternity leave when I had my first two babies. I breastfed, so I went back when my eldest was 5 months and 2nd was 7 months. They went to nursery though.

My baby had silent reflux which was pretty horrific until he was 8 months. In months 6 and 7 I was still only getting 45mins sleep some nights because he was so poorly with it. I physically couldn't have gone back to work at 5 months because I wasn't getting enough sleep. Couldn't have predicted it before he was born.

You can go back to work whenever you like! I would say though that the first 6 months are not the best! 6-12 months are so much better! That’s when the baby can sit up, eat, play and interact much more, when they start being interested in going to play groups and to have a go on the swings and point to ducks in the pond. So you may be bored after 5 months with a teeny baby, but you may get jealous of your husband getting to spend more quality time with your 6-12 month old.

You had a lot of other great stuff going for you all back then 😄 Our generation may have good maternity leave, but we are completely fucked over in so many other ways.

Of course, it's okay. Your OH will be there! It's like shared parental leave. Some of our friends had that, Scandinavian, so they shared it 50/50%. Great for everyone. Sounds like a dream setup. You get five months of full-time maternity leave with the baby. Then your OH takes over ( surely, you won't need your mum there every day if your OH is not working). He can take baby to classes and outings during the day and you can focus on work. But you will likely see baby in the day, too. If that had been my set up with that salary and WFH, I would definitely gone back at five months.

going back after 5 months is fine - everyone in the us does it. But I think YABU to think you can both do ft jobs and have a baby around. They are exhausting when they are wee, but exhausting in a totally different way when they are 6 months + old. They aren't sleeping all the time anymore and need even more attention. Get a nanny or nursery or childminder and you should be good to go.

So it’s the equivalent of you taking 5 months mat leave & then DH taking 7 months parental leave. Except you’ll take breaks to feed (as someone in gone back to an office might pump) and he will put in some evening/weekend hours. Sounds fine. Especially if you’ve got your mum to help out too.

The only problem is that you wont get any time together as a family when one of you isn’t supposed to be working.

Don’t feel guilted into taking more time off than you want to, but I would have found it difficult to be in the house but not with my baby. It’s hard to explain but your body just attunes itself to put them first, so it’s hard to concentrate if they’re crying for example. And if they’re not crying, you’ve got one ear open for them… And you just want to be with them. Evolution has had a long time to perfect that maternal instinct!

Bottom line is to plan for what suits your family but be prepared to be flexible.

Do it OP! Absolutely no reason dad can’t look after baby. The baby might not settle well for him sometimes AND THAT’S OK. It might not settle well for you sometimes too. I am American but lived in the UK when I had DC. I took a year because we moved to the US in the midst but I would’ve been fine to go back at 5 months and THRILLED by 7.

I am also the possessor of a unicorn job, 6 figures, 40 hours a week for 2-3 months and 20 the rest of the year and I would not give it up for anything. Similarly people have kids/babies whatever and the company is extremely flexible. The flexibility and has been unbelievably helpful with illness etc and absolutely work is essential for my sanity.

there is such an ingrained culture in the UK that mum has to be home and has to stay home for a year (why a year? It’s so arbitrary!) and an idea that baby will NEED mum specifically!. In my NCT group ALL of the mums went back part time and most of my broader friend group too. It’s just so old fashioned and really dismissive of the importance of the second parent.

Btw also a caveat that your opinion might change once baby is here.

I planned to take just four months off, DH take six months - I took nine months and leaving her with her father caring for her for the last three months was agonising for me.

For my second I've insisted on taking the entire year. You don't know how you'll feel yet

He's self employed so not entitled to any form of paternity pay - given that the other reason OP gave for not wanting to take her full maternity leave was that she didn't want to use up her savings...

After reading your updates, go for it. Your DH will be minding the baby and you will get on with work.

I went back to work 1 day a week very early on (2 months). DH minded DS, I work from home and DS as minded here so I could feed him as needed. I went back full time when DS went to nursery at 7 months.

21 and 23 years ago when I had my 2 you got 26 weeks maternity leave and all my friends went back after that. It was just the norm, so we never questioned it. Kids were fine! We all used nurseries though with baby rooms.

Not a parent who is simultaneously trying to work though!

Just seen you plan on your Mom being there every day whilst you're at work. How does DH feel about that? Would it make more sense to agree to get having baby a couple of half days so DH gets a break / focus on work? No way would DH want my Mom here full time whilst he's meant to be doing childcare. It really won't take two of them

You must have childcare in place for when you return to work. You cannot care for your child and work at the same time as post seems to suggest and neither can your DH. You might just be able to tag team between the two of you but everything will suffer: your relationship, your health, your career and your buisssness.

As long as you have this in place how long you take off for ML is up to you.

Personally I wouldn't but then I don't feel vulnerable at work taking a year off. I would returning before I am ready and doing a poor job, extending being what i said or taking lots of leave once back though. Once I'm back I feel I am expected to be back 100%

EDiT: I see DH will not be working and DM be there. This isn't an issue then. But they are also the ones with an issue with it? Or just DM?

If you are going back at 5 months then DH is looking after baby 9-5 whilst you work, it's really no different to when people take shares parental leave. The only issue is if you think you and DH can both work and baby will quietly sit in a corner.

Re you Mom I'd make sure your DH is okay with how much she wants to be over. If he's doing full time childcare does he want his mother in law hovering over him whilst you're tucked away in the office?

This. Hire a nanny.

Why are people so horrified at the idea of a man looking after his own baby??

This is absolutely it. The majority of our daycares start accepting children at 3 months, some even earlier. Whether you can work with a child at home hinges heavily on 1) your job's tolerance level and 2) your child. My second was easygoing and I worked from home with him for a few months, but with my first born there was absolutely no way that would have worked. She was angry, colicky and from 6 weeks plus it was kid of hellish until she was 12 months and communicating (though even the first few years were hard). If your mum or other half plan to be available 24/7 to cover calls etc, it might work, fingers crossed for you it does.