to think 5 months maternity is fine and they can deal with it?

It sounds fine. Main issue for me would have been how well the baby was sleeping at night (thus whether I was a functioning person the next day or not).

So there will always be a parent not working, plus support from your mother? And you WFH?

Yeah you'll be more than fine.

I worked from home from like 10 days post EMCS, solely cared for a baby and the house. I'm still alive. Divorced from the man who made me do that but alive nonetheless.

I went back after five months -was really bored and child went to daycare. My wage just about covered the care and transport but I needed to work!

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads
I have never met a baby who'd rather be with its father if it knew its mother was in the house, and to be honest, not many mothers who are steely enough to ignore their babies.

That's because most babies spend almost all their time with their mothers and only see their dads for an hour or two in the evening. If the dad is heavily involved in childcare right from the beginning then the baby will most likely be perfectly happy with dad (that's how it worked with mine anyway). And if baby is getting really agitated, dad can take baby out to the park/softplay/parent and toddler groups etc.

Oh ffs, you're right, I didn't read it properly!!

And it's certainly not because I can't imagine a dad looking after his child, because the set-up OP is suggesting is pretty much the set-up me and DH had when our eldest was 7-12 months!! 🙄AND we didn't have any other family around to help us out.

Ffs I wish I could go and delete all my previous comments now.

@firstimemumconcerns you will be absolutely FINE with that set-up, if DH is looking after the baby while you are working. Much better than putting the baby in nursery while they're still little.

If you have a well paid job then can't you just save some money each month so you live on that whilst you're on maternity leave? You're really lucky that your mum doesn't work and is willing to do unpaid childcare. You can't WFH with a baby though.

Yes, but then babies used to go to some form of childcare. WFH was largely unheard of. The tech didn't really support it so much.

5 months mat leave - fine
WFH with a baby - not fine

I have never met a baby who'd rather be with its father if it knew its mother was in the house, and to be honest, not many mothers who are steely enough to ignore their babies.

He can look after the baby and work very part time around the OP's hours - loads of women do the same, not sure why it's suddenly impossible for a man?

Wow, the above answer is flabberghasting. I went back to work when my first DC was 4.5 months as that's how it worked then, there was no WFH then either. Never crossed our minds that we needed night nannies or gardners, we just got on with things between us. If you want those things, go for it - but it certainly isn't necessary.

I took the year with my other DC OP as the rules changed, we saved up for it. I loved every minute. But going back early with my first was certainly doable.

It depends is the answer

I'm in a similar industry. Most mothers are educated affluent and a bit older than average.
Assuming you feel okay / no physical or mental health issues you CAN do this successfully

You will find it much easier if you have

• Night nannies x3 per week (or your mother comes and does nights)
• You switch to formula or combi feed
• cleaner / gardener

• day nanny or childminder part time
• heavy family support (like daily)

The women who i know who successfully did this had a combination of above ie. They had money and family support

What i woukd say is a lot of first time mums find the adjustment/transition hard. Like... really hard.

I've always coped. Freelance IT, 2 kids, intermittent childcare and no family close.

Where there's a will there's a way.

Thé length of maternity leave is very cultural. In France its 3 months post birth and almost no one takes more.

I went back to the office full time after 3 months, I actually found this easier than the month I spent working part time at home with my mother for childcare before that as I found that with a newborn I needed the separation from home and work to concentrate but you'll make it work and be fine.

I did something similar from 4 months with DS1 for similar reasons - I'd not long scored the perfect job and didn't want to risk it. It was freelance work, flexible hours, and not tied to a desk all day. I smashed out the majority of my work while he was sleeping/after XH came home, and just had to arrange family cover for meetings. Occasionally I couldn't take a phone call because he was being screechy, but I worked around that.

It will depend on how well your baby sleeps and therefore how tired you are, really.

I'd wait and see closer to the time. If you happen to have an average baby, you'll still be waking multiple times to feed during the night, baby may or may not be clingy and unwilling to stay in a different room with Grandma when he/she knows you are in the house, and you may not feel sufficiently recovered from the birth and all the hormones you'll have in your body.

Alternatively, you might have a unicorn who sleeps through the night and is quite happy to be left with Grandma, and you might feel completely ready to go back. You don't have to decide right now.

I’m not sure if the pp’s are not reading the op correctly or just can’t imagine a man looking after his own baby whilst his dw works.

@Tengreenbottles2 the father will not be working whilst the op is and the op’s dm will be around too, hth.

The bit that is unrealistic is that you think you can work and look after a baby at the same time.

I couldn't have coped going back at 5 mths as my baby's sleep was terrible from 4-6mths and I was like a zombie. Much better from 6mths, and I definitely felt around 9mths I could have gone back if I'd had to. (But I took a year off as planned and I'm glad I did.)

I went back after 6 months-i do regret it though - i felt like you that I'd be bored (i even tried to negotiate to go back earlier pre baby!) - ultimately i felt that i had committed to going back and went back but it actually overshadowed my ML. I would make sure you leave it as an option - don't commit to anything (even in your head)
Also 6months- 1year is a very different time to newborn- baby is likely to be out and about and even wfh you can't see that

You will be fine . That’s how I work , bursts of attention dedicated to work 100% ( any meetings online or phone when hubby is home ) I have no set times mostly so that helps . I have been working with children home that way for 7 years since my maternity leave ended at 26 weeks with my oldest daughter and doing the same still now that my youngest is 2 .
I would lie if I said some days I wished to have more dedicated childcare but it’s only one more what for me until free nursery and although we can afford childcare it would eat into our holiday budget and I need my holidays

I’ve read your updates OP. It’s now clearer that your husband will be at home with sole charge of the baby. I say go for it!

I returned to work at 6 months and my husband took shared parental leave until he went to childminder at 11 months. It was by far one of the best parenting decisions we made. Our son is 2.5 years now and equally bonded to us both, and whilst my job is still more intense than DH, we’re a very equal household and appreciate each other so much as we know what it’s like to be “home all day” or “earning money all day”

were now both back full time, long hours, and we can’t wait to do the same combined shared leave again if we manage to conceive again.

I breastfed until he was 2 years 3 months as well.

it helped we could both work hybrid. so whoever was working from home would give the other a break at lunchtime etc and I could breastfeed whenever I needed to if I was working from home. I expressed too for a good while.

good luck and congratulations

It was far easier to buy housing etc. back then. Those who were mid-career in the late 90s/early 2000s will be in a far better position than current 30 year olds in terms of things like pensions, due to demographic change. They also got to advance in their careers before the financial crisis sparked a series of long-term problems in terms of economic growth and productivity in the UK economy.

Of course you can go back after 5 months.
No issue with that at all.

Like most, I was initially thinking you were talking about having the baby there whilst you were working, which would have been unreasonable, but now you have explained how part time your dh is, and that he will be the main carer, and that even on top of the fact he only seems to work 12 hours a week, your Mum will be around as much as you want her, I can't see why this is an issue at all.

Was 25 years ago that different to now? I suppose it depends on age but 25 years ago seems pretty recent to me.