to think 5 months maternity is fine and they can deal with it?

@firstimemumconcerns I have two children - my first, I absolutely could have gone back to work at five/six months as she was an easy baby and quite happy with other people. I now have a seven month old who is COMPLETELY different - despite all my best efforts, she is only happy in my arms and is the epitome of 'Velcro baby'.

I honestly think it's impossible to tell how you're going to feel when the time comes - but make the decision that's best for you and the baby, not what anyone else thinks, whether that's your employer or your family or your friends.

It doesn't seem unreasonable to me. There's nothing really stopping you by the sound of it, apart from other people's judgement?

I would quite like to take a short mat leave too (our work setups sound similar) and let DH do majority of looking after baby. But I know I couldn't do my job if I'd had a sleepless night or two. I realistically couldn't WFH with him and a baby in the house. He works FT shifts anyway and my mum doesn't live near enough to help so I just don't see a way to do it. If you can, and want to, then go for it!

If DH is doing the childcare that's fine. You might have to see how the baby is if you are planning to keep breastfeeding during work though... Mainly if baby knows you are there they will probably come looking for you (DS went looking for DH too but it was lockdown and acceptable), and they may not be happy being taken away after a feed! DS settled much better when I was out of the house. Breastfeeding also takes much longer than bottle feeding. But it might work out fine to breastfeed (your work sounds very flexible about babies on calls), or you might be able to express milk for some of daytime feeds, or indeed combi feed with some formula during the day. See how it goes, there are options!

I laughed because this was us. Husband runs a tech business from home, works part time, chooses his own hours/can reschedule calls for whenever.

When I was pregnant he said he's happy to work and look after the bub.

The baby would not be put down. I had to hold him whilst brushing my teeth cos he'd scream otherwise. Repeat this ALL day for anything I/husband needed to do.

It was constant nappy changes, feeding, changing his outfits because solids start at 6 months and it's a complete mess after food. I could barely look after myself.

He went into nursery at 6 months.

I have a 10 month old and think it would be impossible to work from home and look after a 5 month old. Unless your mum would be there all day and all you have to do is take breast feeding breaks? Even then, feeding is very time consuming 😅 I struggle to have a shower each day never mind work a shift.

Edited as I've just read your updates- sorry for misunderstanding! I don't know if you can predict how you will feel. You might be relieved to have a bit of a break! I really struggled with maternity leave from around 5 months until around 8 months and was fantasising about going back to work for a break 🤣 Even if you want to go back at 5 months and it's not just that you have to, it doesn't make you a terrible mum. And its lovely that baby will be looked after by family at home and you have the option there for cuddle breaks. Would it be a possibility to let them know nearer the time if you want to extend your mat leave beyond 5 months? Or to tell them you'd like longer with the option to return at 5 months if you feel like it?

I have friends who planned on taking 6 months' mat leave and then found themselves longing for longer.
I have friends who took a year but were bored and keen to go back after 6 months.
Everyone is different and the hard thing is you won't know in advance how you will be. Even every baby/mat leave is different from the others, for the same mum.

So, given nobody has a crystal ball, the only person who is at all placed to decide this is you. If 5 months sounds ok to you, then it's ok, and it's your call. Especially given your DH is around until 5 every day, which isn't the case for most mums in that position, whose partners will be working a lot more and so less around to help.

I think the OP was confusing because it sounded like ‘would it be ok for DH and I to both work and at the same time somehow manage to look after the baby’ - and I’m sure that some people DO manage that but it would be bloody hard!

From your updates it sounds more like you’re asking would you be a bad mum to go back to work after 5 months whilst your DH cares for the baby. And no, you wouldn’t be a bad mum for that obviously.

Will you feel ready for that? Well you know yourself better than anyone, though even so it’s hard to predict how you’re going to feel before it happens. I couldn’t have done it at 5 months no, we had the very definition of a Velcro baby who was also a crap sleeper and I just don’t think I’d have been up to it! Plus 4-5 months was probably when I first started to actually enjoy it all a bit, despite the above.

That said, DH coped fine working from home whilst I was on mat leave so in theory it could have worked just as well the other way round.

I’d consider using your extensive holidays to go back part time to start with maybe - realistically two people trying to work AND parent a very young baby AND run a house whilst still very likely having very broken sleep - you’re going to be shattered even if that work is from home and flexible.

Okay, so your actual question is -

DH will be the SAHP when i return to work at 5 months, but i will be able to continue breast feeding as I work from home and can take breaks from my work to do that. When i leave work in the evening and take the baby, DH can do his work then as he sets his own timetable. AIBU to think i won’t mind doing this rather than the more traditional 1yr off?

in which case, no, not unreasonable at all - i returned early with both of mine but only part time. Saved my sanity and i absolutely dote on my dc.

i think the negative responses are purely because we wrongly thought you were suggesting working whilst doing your own childcare, which is totally impossible (for baby, employers and you).

I think people haven't understood. The baby will be cared for full time by a parent plus a grandparent. That's amazing.

Your challenges will be that there's no downtime for either of you so you'll have to fit absolutely everything into work or childcare hours - cooking, showering, personal admin, cleaning. As there's never going to be anybody to hold the baby while you work on a tax return or do the online shopping (for example). How doable this is will depend on your baby and how many personal needs you have. For example you won't be able to go to the gym or get your haircut etc except on the weekend when it's shared between 2 parents.

Going back at 5 months was common, we got 6 months max anyway! Can you work without child care? I don't think so, in fact many companies demand it. Could you hire a nanny?

Sounds fine. I wish that I could have saved up my mat leave and used it when my dc was older!

I went back at 6 months and DH did 3m more. But I would be careful that your do gets down time.

I did 8 weeks maternity leave with my first then 8 weeks maternity leave with my second (with a one and a half year old toddler and a 9 week old breastfed baby) ... the littles nap and it's possible to make it work. It's hard but definitely possible. You may struggle with feeling really tired as you will be up a lot through the night but you can do it.

My employer is really good and allows me to work flexible hours.

But her DH and her Mum will be around with the baby? Isn't that what the OP is saying?

Even with an 'easy' baby it's pretty hard and certainly would be difficult to do without your work clocking you have a baby with you full-time. You can give it a try but you will have to have a plan B in case it's not workable, and risk a work disciplinary as well, as some people have said.

If you want to go back to work after 5 months then no one should be telling you you're wrong about that. Women are not all the same, and what's right for one would not necessarily be right for anyone else.

The only thing from your post that I would raise a query about is whether you can cope with the three adults in your house whilst you're working. Is your relationship with your mum good, or might you end up encountering issues?

Why are you even having a baby if you don't want to have it looked after properly?

Whoever is responsible for the baby during work hours should be able to give the baby full attention and deal with their needs immediately. That's not you if you are also working, even if you are only busy "in bursts". It's neglect.

You need a plan for childcare, whether it's nursery, a nanny, your mum, whoever. But it can't be you/your DH if you are supposed to be working.

Edited to add: I've just seen your update. If DH isn't working then it's fine! It just sounded like you were both trying to get away with simultaneously working and doing childcare.

If your DH can look after the baby full time during the day and you swap over at 5pm, then yes absolutely. I think where people are getting confused is if there are 2 people working full time at the same time whilst juggling caring for a 5m old. Of course you’re not bad for “only” taking 5m and others aren’t better for taking more. The only thing you might find is you’re not in work mode yet by that point, but only you can know that! Best of luck xx

As PPs have said, 6 months maternity leave used to be standard. That was all I got with both of mine. We managed because we had to.

You can't work from home and look after a baby at the same time, you just can't.