LT partners will

But why isn't he leaving you his pension or life insurance? That's not family money?

The fact that they are happy to see their own kids go without would mean I think they would be more than happy for the OP and at least one of her children go without.

Op what do you spend your money on?

This. If its a family farm, and you and the dp are in and out of relationships with each other and other people, they're probably thinking that they don't want something happening to him, the property being willed to you, then you move someone else in?

They're letting his siblings go without. I suspect its more accurate to say as long as you and the grandkids toe the line the grandparents will look after you.

This is utter nonsense. You earn 50k with no housing expenses as it’s ’family property’ yet don’t have a pot to piss in?

You both get into relations with OTHER people but want a slice of his property in a will when you have not a dime to leave him?

Odd, odd set up to reach aged 50 with so much uncertainty.

…or his parents give to the children.

”the” family. Whose family?

I hate to say it, but if it belongs to his family and he predeceases you, you’ll be homeless. If his,parents predecease him, it’ll all go to his kids, not the government

I think he’s being cautious probably. Considering you’ve been pining over another man for the last 6yrs who is in a relationship, and have another old flame who has been sending you naked photos, he probably doesn’t see you as a life partner. If you’ve been saying you’re single, that’s probably how he feels too?

I would start investing in your own property, if you earn £50k and only oay a share of bills, you should easily be able to afford a mortgage. I’m sure the grandparents will see to it that the children are ok. I would also consider leaving him as it sounds like you are unhappy with the current set up.

He's a shit parent if he's prepared to leave him kids unprovided for if he dies. Bad enough he's prepared to do it for you, doing it to his kids is pretty unforgivable. The least he could do is leave it in trust for them. Family house so he dies and his kids get kicked out? This is a hill Id be fully prepared to die on. Given his parents have already cut some of the kids out he can't argue they'd provide for their grandkids. He's failing as a father.

Having read your other posts, this doesn't seem like a long term partner. More the father of your kids who let's you live rent free. (I guess the upside for you is that you can use your income to live a different lifestyle from the one you can as a single parent. The downside is no security or property.... you make your choices)
There is no way you are getting a penny from him.

I think I'd start to make some very serious plans to financially secure myself, savings, pensions and also a house in your name. You're getting close to an age where you'll struggle to get a mortgage, so even a small flat might be an option.

It sounds pretty poor but stop being so passive and the life insurance is something you can do, due to a slightly similar situation ( but no joint children and I own property) I took out a life insurance policy on my dp which pays out to me in the event of his death.

It sounds like there may be some sort of family Trust especially if there is farming land involved. If you are concerned about provision for yourself and the children if he dies prematurely, then the simplest thing is to take out a life policy on him. If he kicks off about it, just explain that you need it to cover his lack of provision via his Will.

Start saving OP. Get your ducks in a row. If you’ve a good paid job then insist that a portion of your wages must be put towards yours and your kids welfare should anything happen to him.

Take out life insurance for him so you get something if he passes 🤷‍♀️

He and his parents would likely only ever leave the house and money to your eldest son regardless, if they have cut out his siblings.

It isn't clever to hang around with no will of your own, just set one up and get life insurance, you can at least do that for your children. I've no idea why you're dating other people, that's very unhealthy and will be contributing to your odd relationship dynamic; just focus for now on whether you can fix this relationship or not. If he isn't interested in setting out a provision for raising the children, then leave.

Is there some sort of trust structure going on which means that the land & properties aren't actually his to leave?

Imagine how little care you would have to have for your partner and children to do this to them.

That's what he thinks of you, OP. This isn't a relationship, it's a sham.

I got a mortgage at 49, or you can rent. Anything is better than being with someone who doesn't love you, and actually has contempt for you and your children.

And he's also a selfish cunt, to not care what happens to his own children. I couldn't look at his selfish cunty face every day if I were in your position

Have you always lived in the property rent free while seeing other people and on/off again? If so, poor kids!

No, but you can leave a dickhead

How convenient that he doesn't believe in marriage. What he doesn't believe in is becoming vulnerable to having to help you financially should you separate.

Op do you pay into a private pension for yourself too ?

If not, I would investigate this

You really need to save up and look into buying a property / getting a mortgage…not just as a safety net for you but building assets for your children. I agree with others you have been quite naïve about your financial position - especially with family money and an unusual relationship set up.

You pay proportionally more but have no call on his estate? I’d book a relationship counsellor, say in the first session we have to say it here as if I jsut had the conversation he’d call me money grubbing and walk out. Maybe you can help him listen. I’m 53, we have two kids. I earn half what he does but pays in 60/40. If he died his will leaves everything to his parents, and the house is his and his parents so just reverts to them. I find it hard to look at him knowing our dc aren’t mentioned, and I need to save for my old age as I’m not in the usual kind of relationship and my partner hasn’t made any provision. Anything could happen to him and I have children and no house. So as of today I’m contributing $x less a month and if he doesn’t like it we will leave. I have changed my will which named him as the obvious thing, now it all goes to dc.