AIBU to hate some mums?

LakeTiticaca · 18/03/2024 07:49

SBHon · 17/03/2024 15:43

I voted YABU because you were being an absolute doormat! I would have asked her to move the bags or said I’d have moved them for her.

I did too. You need to be more assertive and tell these CFs where to go

Wellhellooooodear · 18/03/2024 06:52

This wouldn't have happened to me as I'd have told the first one to move her bags in no uncertain terms.

MissTrip82 · 18/03/2024 06:49

Annymania · 17/03/2024 18:00

From the title I was expecting something way more dramatic! 😂 but it’s mad considering they have children themselves, they are the first who should be able to empathise.

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who wasnt empathic before giving birth and was afterwards. Kids are life-changing, not personality-changing. If you’re a twat before
you have a kid you’ll be one afterwards.

RageAgainstTheCoffeeMachine · 18/03/2024 06:42

I'm surprised they didn't wipe their feet on you too while you were sat on the floor.
You need to grow a backbone.

breakfastdinnerandtea · 18/03/2024 06:18

Ffs, I think you're getting an unnecessary telling off here OP. Right, we get it, she gets it. She should have asked mum1 to move her bags... but some people don't like making a fuss. She's acknowledged that she should have done. Why is there still a pile on calling OP a doormat?

The other mums were rude. Mum1 should have moved her bags for you, and mum2 should have kept her kid on her lap and allowed your DD to sit. I'd rather be a doormat than rude, but there we go.
I hope she's feeling better today.

Eyeroll2024 · 18/03/2024 05:54

Not the tiniest chance I would have moved my child.

ACuriousHare · 18/03/2024 04:59

The other thing you can do is announce loudly to the entire waiting-room, "I have a sick child, which healthy adult or inanimate object is going to move so she can have a seat? Or are the bags and coats sitting on seats also waiting to see the doctor?"

I've done this on buses and trains when people are ignoring a pregnant woman, elderly person or person on crutches who needs to sit down.

pickytube · 18/03/2024 00:24

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 17/03/2024 16:16

I remember being in a waiting area at a maternity unit while literally miscarrying my child and having to stand because some seats were taken up with men. As in couples sitting side by side. They were there for a scan, not because of a bleed although of course some might have been, so it's not like they were particularly stressed or upset. I've never forgotten it. I should have said something but I couldn't summon the energy, I didn't want to deal with anyone else.

I'm sorry OP that sounds so stressful.

This has made me more angry

Zwicky · 18/03/2024 00:13

YABU for trying to make a sick 5yo darling feel ashamed for having a chair because you didn’t want to either keep your kid in her original chair or move her to bag chair. If I had a sick 5yo having a cuddle in a 4 hour queue and I’d just seen you chivvy your kid out of a chair she was in, ignore a different empty chair and sit in my kids chair then my response would not be to do with my lack of empathy for older kids or anyone who is not my darling. Your kid had 2 choices, original chair or bag chair, but you wanted her in darlings chair. Darlings mother wanted darling in a chair, your kids mother wanted secondary gain. That’s why darling got a chair and your kid didn’t. Bag woman is a twat but it’s a problem you could have overcome if you hadn’t preferred the passive aggressive smuggery instead.

NewName24 · 18/03/2024 00:09

Like so many others, I voted YABU because you just let other parents act this way, then tried to 'hint' about it, rather than just being more assertive in the first place.
Good to see you have taken that on board.

WhateverMate · 17/03/2024 23:36

I voted YABU due to you 'explaining loudly' to the member of staff, in the hope the people you really should've explained it to might hear.

I think the staff have enough to cope with.

Shityshitybangbang · 17/03/2024 23:23

My goodness! I’m a quiet person and hate confrontation but in this situation I’d be telling the first women to sod off with her cheeky fuckery!! Maybe a bit more polite lol 😂

Noseybookworm · 17/03/2024 23:09

Well, I wouldn't have moved if you sat in two empty chairs!

Rabbiehdbek · 17/03/2024 21:35

cato40 · 17/03/2024 15:34

Currently at a urgent care centre with poorly DD 11yo, sent by 111. Waiting area is packed and it is a 4h wait. We sit on 2 empty chair, next to these there is one chair with bags and coats. Mum n1 comes and saying these are her chairs and we move, don't want to make a fuss. She does not offer to move her bags from 3rd chair to make my sick DD sit. One last empty chair next to a mum with what looks like a 4 or 5 yo child on her lap, I tell my DD to go and sit there while I stand and mum n2 tells my DD not to sit on the only empty chair of a hospital urgent care unit because her child 'will sit there in a minute' (she is still on her lap).
How can some people be so selfish horrible to other children in a hospital?
We ended up sitting on the floor until after a while a member of staff showed us to some other seats. As we were moving to these seats I made sure to explain the staff loudly how other parents are not letting sick children sit on empty chairs. I hope, but I doubt, these women felt some shame (and frankly hope their kids got the message and felt ashamed for them too).

Maybe you should have had a back bone and advocated for your kid in the first place.

By not moving in the first place
Moving the coats/bags on the chairs
or telling her to stay in the empty chair.

but instead you sat on the floor and then made a comment as you were moving away.
What a way to teach your kid to be a door mat when she grows up.

Lmes · 17/03/2024 21:32

In a G P surgery years ago . Lots of seats . My son was obviously unwell . Very busy mum asked could she go ahead of me as she was very busy and her little girl was the baby of the family!
I said my son is very ill and is also the baby in our family ! I was very proud of myself . Turns out my son had Scarlett fever .

ThePunchBowl · 17/03/2024 21:19

@Serene135 She is setting a poor example to her daughter by being a doormat.

You don’t have to be a twat, you know. There is a middle ground between doormat and dick.

Serene135 · 17/03/2024 21:04

You are definitely not a ‘poor example’ to your daughter, OP. The parents who were unkind in the hospital are the poor examples. You sound like a nice, friendly, calm parent who doesn’t like unkindness or drama. 🌺 You didn’t want to risk there being a scene or a confrontation in front of everyone including your daughter. Not everyone reacts calmly when challenged. I hope your daughter is feeling much better now.

ThePunchBowl · 17/03/2024 20:31

I think the bigger issue here is why are you such a mug?

What kind of lesson are you teaching your daughter by letting people walk all over you and then being passive aggressive over your own lack of assertiveness?

You can’t change their behaviour, but you can and should change your own for your daughter’s sake.

TeaKitten · 17/03/2024 20:26

cato40 · 17/03/2024 20:21

Thank you for the feedback, that's helpful and I admit it, I have been a doormat and a poor example for my DD. Other kids were younger than mine, First time we stood up because I saw the other empty chair and thought my DD could sit there and I didn't mind standing up. I would have never thought a parent (or mum) would tell my DD to go away because she may need the seat for a child that looked quite comfortable on her lap. I would have never done that. As someone mentioned, patients should come first and then carers. I get that some parents of younger children don't empathise for older kids or any human that is not their darlings but still a bit of kindness doesn't hurt.
I take my responsibilities and learn from this.

To be fair she may have been wanting the 3 seats for the 3 of them has they could be there for many hours, and they had just seen you leave 2 empty seats for someone else, and ignore a 3rd empty seat with bags on, and try and take a seat of theirs. I can totally see why she said no when you had another option. Those children has no reason to feel ashamed.

Original poster

cato40 · 17/03/2024 20:21

Thank you for the feedback, that's helpful and I admit it, I have been a doormat and a poor example for my DD. Other kids were younger than mine, First time we stood up because I saw the other empty chair and thought my DD could sit there and I didn't mind standing up. I would have never thought a parent (or mum) would tell my DD to go away because she may need the seat for a child that looked quite comfortable on her lap. I would have never done that. As someone mentioned, patients should come first and then carers. I get that some parents of younger children don't empathise for older kids or any human that is not their darlings but still a bit of kindness doesn't hurt.
I take my responsibilities and learn from this.

OP posts:

AskingAdviceToday · 17/03/2024 19:30

YABU for being passive aggressive, rather than directly dealing with the conflict.

MamaWillYouBuyMeAWillYouBuyMeABanana · 17/03/2024 18:17

Rather than use your voice to advocate for your child, you use it to be PA in the hope of shaming parents in front of their kids?

Next time just ask the person to move their bags.

I hope your dd gets better soon.

AmeliaEarhart · 17/03/2024 18:10

Annymania · 17/03/2024 18:00

From the title I was expecting something way more dramatic! 😂 but it’s mad considering they have children themselves, they are the first who should be able to empathise.

Some parents of very young children think tweens/teens are practically adults because they seem massive compared to their own, which might affect their ability to empathise.

But at that age I always made mine sit on my lap if seating was limited.

ACuriousHare · 17/03/2024 18:05

Freakinfraser · 17/03/2024 18:01

But the seats were for their own kids, who were likely sick.

Show quote history

The mums/adults should have stood up to give the seats to the sick children.

In this scenario, there's a clear hierarchy unless you're a complete knobhead:

Sick children
Healthy adults
Bags

ACuriousHare · 17/03/2024 18:03

"Chairs are for people not for bags. Do you want to move them or shall I?"

This works in many contexts - trains, buses, crowded cafes when extra seats are needed.

Sometimes you have to have these battles and call people out on their behaviour.

And in a children's UCC/A&E, adults should stand so children can sit down. So I would have said to the mum of the 5yo, "If your child needs a seat of their own, you can stand and give her yours, but my sick child will be sitting down, I'm afraid."