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Original poster

I broke wind on the massage table

116 replies

oopsO · 15/03/2024 21:20

I'm so embarrassed.

My long time massage therapist had to put pressure on my lower back and it just came out.

I've spoken to her about all sorts in the 4 years she's been treating my back pain. I quite enjoy going to see her.

I'm mortified and I can't go back, can I?!

OP posts:
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toddlepod · 17/03/2024 11:40

T1Dmama · 17/03/2024 10:48

My mum likes to powder her bottom with baby talc, one day she asked my dad if she had a spot on her bottom and as he looked she blew powder in his face. (Accidentally)but very funny!

😆😆😆😆 that was so funny!

Powder puff!

toddlepod · 17/03/2024 11:38

Not me but friend of mine... during sex with new man she farted and he exclaimed 'you nearly blew my balls off!'.

Didn't put him off, stayed together for a few years after!

buswankerz · 17/03/2024 11:37

It happens a lot, people get so relaxed and massaging lower back when you're lying on your stomach causes farts to come out.

We've seen, smelt and heard it all op. Please don't worry.

rooftopbird · 17/03/2024 11:28

I bet you felt better afterwards! Hell don't worry about it!

T1Dmama · 17/03/2024 10:48

My mum likes to powder her bottom with baby talc, one day she asked my dad if she had a spot on her bottom and as he looked she blew powder in his face. (Accidentally)but very funny!

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 16/03/2024 23:40

You just have to style it out and deny everything, no matter how red-cheeked-handed you have been caught. Here's a tutorial:

The Sketch Show - Restaurant

Lee Mack and Kitty Flanagan. Avalon Television Ltd.https://www.youtube.com/c/KittyFlanaganOfficial/videos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo5Sh5vD1pg

tiredandabitfat · 16/03/2024 23:20

I had a long, difficult birth with my daughter that ended up in forceps.

The day after the birth I just had no control over anything down there.

I can remember midwives and doctors etc all coming to speak to me in my hospital bed and I would constantly just let rip and was powerless to stop it....all I could do was raise my voice in an attempt to be heard over it Blush

Excruciating

Rainbowbrite83 · 16/03/2024 20:12

Did you follow through, OP?

Creatureofhabit87 · 16/03/2024 20:05

Minimili · 16/03/2024 02:34

My Friend is a masseuse and said she sees it as that she’s done her job properly if a fart slips out.

My friends daughter (17) is training to be a beauty therapist and has just started learning waxing, she was absolutely distraught the other day because a women had queefed in her face whilst doing an intimate wax.
I asked how she reacted and she said she’d said “bless you!”
Apparently the woman she was waxing was mortified but at least was able to laugh about it.

Omg this would kill me! I think I’d have to move country!! I don’t even like queefing after doggy style with my husband but that I cannot help!!

Branleuse · 16/03/2024 19:58

Oh god. I think I'd have to make a joke of it. Next time take in a scented candle and a cd of trumpet music and tell her that you are officially now on farting terms

LakeTiticaca · 16/03/2024 19:37

I am over 60 and I am sat here laughing like a bunch of 11 year old boys 🥰🤣🤣

Tagyoureit · 16/03/2024 19:29

LakeTiticaca · 16/03/2024 19:25

I did too. It was her own fault really, she had me on all fours trying to part with a massive baby and she went round the back to see what was happening 😅😅😅🤣🥰

Show quote history

OMG!! That's hilarious 😂 😂😂

LakeTiticaca · 16/03/2024 19:25

Tagyoureit · 16/03/2024 16:12

I farted in my midwife's face! 🙈

I did too. It was her own fault really, she had me on all fours trying to part with a massive baby and she went round the back to see what was happening 😅😅😅🤣🥰

IHateLegDay · 16/03/2024 19:25

@HappiestSleeping We actually stayed together another two years so it can't have been too horrific for him 😂 I'll never forget his face

LakeTiticaca · 16/03/2024 19:23

This post reminds me of the episode of Miranda when she was at the chiropractor and she farted and blew out the candle 🤣🤣🤣

Tagyoureit · 16/03/2024 19:22

@incognito50me it's never like it is on TV! But thank you for the show of solidarity 👊

incognito50me · 16/03/2024 19:16

Tagyoureit · 16/03/2024 16:12

I farted in my midwife's face! 🙈

The final act of my only birthing experience was farting in the young, handsome doctor's face while he was stitching up my episiotomy. I did not know it was coming and would not have been able to hold it in in any case.

I apologized but I did not really care that much at that point - a 36 hour labor where, by the end there, I would wake myself up with snores between contractions. It was not a dignified, tv show like, labor scene.

Itslegitimatesalvage · 16/03/2024 19:09

IHateLegDay · 16/03/2024 18:56

I once queefed in my exes face when he was going down on me. I looked under the covers and he was pulling this face 😳
I quietly got up, put on my dressing gown and left the room.

If he was managing to get air up there whilst going down on you, then he was doing it wrong anyway.

catinthetinhat · 16/03/2024 19:07

I've farted whilst being waxed. I apologised, she said it's ok but I've never forgotten and it's many many years later.

HappiestSleeping · 16/03/2024 19:00

IHateLegDay · 16/03/2024 18:56

I once queefed in my exes face when he was going down on me. I looked under the covers and he was pulling this face 😳
I quietly got up, put on my dressing gown and left the room.

Was that the moment he became an ex? If so, he was a complete lightweight. 🤣

IHateLegDay · 16/03/2024 18:56

I once queefed in my exes face when he was going down on me. I looked under the covers and he was pulling this face 😳
I quietly got up, put on my dressing gown and left the room.

Rockaroundthexmastree · 16/03/2024 18:53

If it helps - I massage horses for a living and they continuously fart all the way through a session, and always let rip when I’m elbow deep in their hamstrings so right by my face ☺️

Jifmicroliquid · 16/03/2024 18:40

CatWithNoTeeth · 16/03/2024 16:02

I once farted insidiously at a bus stop. The student near me obviously smelled it. I gave her a look, aiming for 'oh wow what is that smell' hoping she would think it came from elsewhere. Unfortunately what I actually achieved was a 'it was ME' weird grin while staring her directly in the eyes creepily. The look of utter horror on her face stays with me today.

I have just inhaled my dinner and nearly choked to death 😂😂

LordPercyPercy · 16/03/2024 18:22

I once went into work early to get caught up, and thought I had the office to myself. Which was a relief as I'd eaten a lot of tofu the night before and the pain and bloating were really troubling me, so it was a chance to get a bit of relief, as it were.
Except someone else had come in too, quietly, and was behind me getting a file. Unfortunately my relief was pungent and I became aware of them only when I heard the shocked choking noise. He looked truly appalled as he scurried away from my desk.