Depression

Yes, exactly! I was trying SSRIs, being advised by GPs to wait at least 6 weeks for each one for it to start to “work”, and while this was happening, I was getting worse - I was ruining relationships, losing my job, actually becoming suicidal, and my life was basically falling apart. It took a long time to get my life back on track after this horrible episode - so much damage had been done.

I’m glad I finally found something that helps, and I am grateful, but I try not to think about that period of my life - because to be honest, I was screaming for help and I don’t think the GPs I saw were taking it seriously enough or considering my symptoms. It felt cruel.

I'd be trying to explore what is causing it and how you can get help to deal with the issues that are the cause of this. Hopefully that will help to reduce the response you are feeling.

And others of us can't tolerate Mirtazapine at all. I rarely see it acknowledged on Mumsnet that significant percentage of people are not helped by SSRI/SNRIs or associated drugs.

Yes, they chuck five different drugs at you before finally prescribing Mirtazapine and in the meantime I wanted to die! Like you I suffer with insomnia, yet all of the five are known to make it worse.

I totally understand. I’ve had depression my entire life, I remember being devastated and crying myself to sleep when I was 5 years old but I never knew why. As an adult it waxed and waned - I had years of being ok, and then years of feeling horrendous. My last terrible bout caused me to develop life ruining insomnia and lose my job. It was, to be frank, fucking awful.

Finally, like a previous poster, it was Mirtazapine that sorted me out. I had tried 5 other antidepressants that did nothing (some actually made me worse) before I was prescribed Mirtazapine. It is a sedating antidepressant that works for insomnia. I’ve been on it for 6 years now and it really has worked wonders for me. I can function better than I ever have, I can sleep every night, I don’t feel suicidal, I feel hopeful. My depression is never going to completely go away but it’s so, so much more manageable.

When I think about it, I am pretty pissed off with the NHS. The GP just kept prescribing SSRIs, which clearly didn’t work for me - one of the side effects is insomnia! It took 5 prescriptions that made me worse and me doing my own research to be finally prescribed Mirtazapine. I’m so glad I finally got there because I feel so much better now! They’ll have to pry my Mirtazapine out of my cold dead hands 😁

My point is, there is help out there, but I know it’s hard. The NHS isn’t great when it comes to mental health. They chuck fluoxetine, sertraline or citalopram at you and hope it works. When none of them do, it can leave you feeling that you can’t be helped. But you can, there are other drugs out there, this is a medical condition and you deserve treatment. Life can get better 💐

I’ve had bouts of agitated depression (a nightmare mix of anxiety and depression). The last one was in 2016. Utter horror beyond words. I’m sorry you are suffering in this way. People who’ve never had it simply cannot understand. It is pain, pure and simple. Raw agonising pain. I wanted to scream and tear my hair out.

Best advice I can give is:

Get outside and walk in natural light
Eat healthily - avoid junk, caffeine, sugar and alcohol
Stay away from other depressives - especially online
Try a routine of yoga, deep breathing and meditation
Avoid all stress (easier said than done)
Meet up with good people and be honest with them about how you feel

I know, it's awful. Am only just out of the hospital. It sucks 😞

I wasn't taking it as a criticism at all, @DanielGault. More as false hope. When does "eventually" come when you have been asking for over ten years?

I am so tired of reading 'ask for help/reach out'. There is often nothing there.

I do appreciate that it varies geographically and some people of course get appropriate help.

Anyway, I don't want to derail OP's thread. I hope your appointment was useful, @Irishgurl123.

I mean that it's really hard to build yourself up to get help, only to find it doesn't work. And then it's harder again to go back and ask again. It wasn't a criticism by any means.

I'm not quite sure what you mean, @DanielGault. I've had periods of better mental health, but most recently I've been asking the NHS for help since 2013. I've done everything suggested, been assessed by CMHT twice, been told there is nothing appropriate countless times by GP, practice MH nurse, and CMHT psychologist. I am too severe for IAPT, but not severe enough for secondary services.

I have kept asking, because I am desperate.

Saying that there will be help "eventually" seems meaningless given the above,

I think the problem can be that you dutifully take what you're given, and you wait for an improvement, and when none comes, you don't have the strength to go through the whole process again. It takes such a monumental effort to ask for help the first time, it's really hard to have to do it all over again. It's so tough at the beginning, until you find what works for you. It's trial and error, but there will be something eventually.

I maxed out on three different ones and they did help during times of extreme anxiety and depression,this was brought on by an employer I've now decided to have a go at life without them and I know if need be I can get again.good luck op on whatever you decide.

Sorry to hear how you are feeling.
Definitely ask to try another antidepressant if you are at the maximum dose. NICE guidelines recommended trialing at least 2 prior to seeking specialist psychiatric advice.
If you do trial another one make sure that it has chance to work and is fully optimised (going upto max dose) if required
Others have also made some great suggestions physical exercise has a string evidence base for improving low mood. Get out and moving as much as you can. I'm not familiar with support in Ireland but worth looking to see of you have anything like sport in mind. They have a whole range of groups to improve mental health from yoga, walking and football local to us.
CBT also has a great evidence base, however I see that you have been recently bereaved so a service may suggest you allow a period to process your grief.
I am sorry for your loss but please don't feel bad about your grief it does hurt and takes time to process. That doesn't make you a bad person or a failure just hunan.
The overcoming depression book mentioned by another PP is worth a read.
Take care

https://positivepsychology.com/cbt-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-techniques-worksheets/

Yes definitely ask for a different anti depressant. I tried five different ones before settling on Mirtazapine. For me it’s a wonder drug. I no longer want to go to sleep and not wake up. I’ve also had some CBT, which has helped. There are several online courses available.

To answer your question, you are absolutely not 'unfixable'!

I am very sorry for your loss, that is a lot to be coping with in addition to depression.

Honestly OP, after struggling for years to get help from the NHS, I found it helped when a GP was honest and admitted that he was disgusted at the lack of help available for moderate to severe depression and anxiety on the NHS. He said the services such as psychotherapy that he wanted to refer me to just weren't available for my level of illness. I don't know much about the situation in Ireland, but everything I've heard suggests it's not very different.

You can end up blaming yourself for not getting the 'help' that everyone keeps telling you is out there. It often isn't there.

If you respond to SSRIs alone you're lucky. Otherwise it's self-help, paying for private help or finding help from a charity such as https://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/ but they often concentrate on 'awareness raising' rather than provision of counselling. Worth checking though. Also worth asking your employer about if they have access to an employee support service or occupational health.

I found this series of books really helpful. They were part of a books on prescription scheme here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Depression-Self-Help-Behavioural-Techniques/dp/B07YBGP9ZX/ref=mpssa111?adgrpid=59992029104&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.hh1cgTnHv3UxslQXtwVSyNkBfgFMtHgNXwjd7BoUwQJ8dAxKi4MTMIXbFIXAyYwjSN62Cgf6y97UB5da4TeXIHoowpzFdfgupGtjlxyre-0BvG0hcUQ1Khvo7KrYhHSulqwhl2QMi-QZ0z88ZdbhLx0Tcz7Zkwv1tD5slTwVJ8bUIjur0ZVCObf1DBWhprUDzlJzd39x3XcYqAlS1hg..reWHI7fcZswqnmAMwVX-FScZqlQeUeNuND3c2H9R5Q&dibtag=se&hvadid=606276363559&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=1006886&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=3351292545533038970&hvtargid=kwd-33714832&hydadcr=2161552291908&keywords=overcoming+depression&qid=1710380139&sr=8-1

You can get used to the medication and it becomes less effective, if it's not working for you the GP should prescribe an alternative as it can be trial and error to find the right one.

I've been on antidepressant medication for 22 years (since age 19) and have had to change numerous times. Had to get an increase on duloxetine this week so now on max dose, will have to change if no better in month.

Sorry you are going through this, sending some hugs. I suffered with depression for years and have reached many extreme low points. I was medicated once and I decided to stop and have since avoided anything. I have also done all sorts of therapy which helped a bit but depression is a funny thing because despite all the help sometimes it's really also trying to help yourself. I started a small journal where on the days I felt horrible I would write about it and then I would look back and think wow I've come a long way to remind myself it's not permanent. If you can try to get into something for example gym I've heard exercise can help with lowering depression or getting into a hobby. It's hard and I sympathise because I've been there but you need to allow yourself the time to try and tackle one problem at a time and try and replace each bad day doing something positive to lift your mood. I truly hope you get better soon x

Oh and, you don't need a way out, you need a way up.

I totally understand so you're not alone in that. I did spend some time in hospital last year, voluntary admission and it was beneficial. But a last resort I would think. It might be time to look at new meds and and/or a new GP. I'm going to keep peppering you with questions if you don't mind, don't answer if you feel uncomfortable.

• do you have a family/partner?
• are you close to your family of birth?
• do you have close friends that you connect with regularly?
• how is your diet/exercise/drinking/drugs
• are there any obvious stressors eg housing, problems at work
• do you connect well with your doctor

As I said, ignore anything you feel is too intrusive. I really do get where you're coming from so no judgement here x

Same here. Being on the same meds for three years with no improvement doesn't sound great at all (as I'm sure you know). What does your typical day look like if you don't mind me asking?

Tell the GP that the meds are not managing your symptoms and that you want to try a different one.