What would you do, go all in with huge differences?

The freedom to travel and learn about yourself unfettered by responsibility, ends regardless of if you are married or not. You are becoming a parent. It doesn’t matter if you and the mother get married, or even are in a relationship. Your commitment to your child should be unwavering. You need to be there to provide financially, physically, and emotionally for next 2 decades.

you have to make a choice if you are going to be counted amount the many deadbeat dads or if you are going to be the kind of man who shows up to the school play and knows to use the blue cup at breakfast on Tuesdays.

Well because in both cases the woman is providing the baby—an asset of immeasurable value which the man can not otherwise acquire.

The contributions and costs to the male or female partner are never equal because: baby.

Jumping from friendship to marriage is crazy. Date for a while, see what it's like living together and take it from there. Babies strain even strong relationships, let alone non-relationships.

Lots of people do move countries etc with children, and when you are 40 and 50 your children will be older than many peers and you will be relatively free. Stop painting having children as the end of options (especially for a man), this is a situation you both found yourself in and you’re stepping up, that doesn’t make you a martyr.
she probably shouldn’t marry you yet. Move in. See how it goes. Don’t take each other for granted. As a not yet 30 man in a good career you know you will build assets, make sure you’ve built mutual love and support before you get married.
i know crohns can be debilitating but I also know many people with good careers and crohns, I’d say she has years of successful work ahead of her if that’s what she wants. But the baby part is probably not a wind down of any kind.

You've never even been on a date with her! You had a one night stand and she got pregnant. You have heard all about her holidays and travelling and you want in on that. You think she should marry you so that you can have the same lifestyle she had.

She should run as fast as she can away from you.

So you want to get married to control her actions? And the security is for you?

It might work out well he's ambitious no reason to think he won't be earning good money in a few years so the financial difference will reduce. It sounds like they at least really know and like each other (as friends) which is a really good start in a relationship. He wants the baby and wants to look after it and her.

It may all go bad but that's a risk with any relationship, this one looks to be on a fairly firm basis. I'd go for it, maybe not instant marriage but definitely give it a go.

There is a risk, he can’t go travelling whereas he would be able to if he didn’t have a baby because now he has to pay to upkeep the woman whilst she is on mat leave and pay towards the baby when it’s born. So he wants a one million pound retainer so when he decides he can’t be arsed he can divorce her and swan off with money he never would have earned in a million years and live it up in Benidorm.

She's a colleague who you had a ONS with which resulted in a pregnancy.

You haven't had a relationship.
You gave never lived together.
You have no idea if you are compatible.
You aren't even in love yet.

I don't see the downside in starting a relationship, living together, seeing how things develop and how they process after the baby is.

Why do you need to get married now? You don't carry any risk here whereas of you were pregnant and vulnerable due to maternity leave it would be different. She's in a position to support herself whether on reduced pay or not.

If it doesn't work out, you can easily go back to your previous like while still being a good father. There isn't a risk for you.

You are asking her to take a complete leap without even testing the waters?

Keep thinking like this and she will start to find your immaturity off-putting.

What’s in it for her? Didn’t you read the OPs updates… the absolute highlights… he brings: 'social capital'. The man is young, attractive, ambitious. The woman has been battered physically by the health challenges.

You’re talking about her like she’s 88 not 38! What’s to say you would have had those experiences anyway?

You can still go on holiday once you’ve had a baby you know. You can also have a holiday by yourself if you like, but for someone who is as family orientated as you, then going away as a family will make those experiences even greater.

Yes, indeed it was I just quoted the wrong poster. Predatory would be a teen with a legal adult ie. 15/16 and 25/26. 28 is more than old enough to make a whole host of informed decisions with a decade on top. People need to stop infantilising men and excusing childish behaviour from them as fully grown adults it’s ridiculous. A ten year age gap between two consenting adults is of absolutely no consequence to anyone else unless either of said people do not have capacity. No matter how old you are, 28 is not a young man in his early twenties nor a teenager. If his mother were to get involved dramatically proclaiming the woman had ruined her son’s life it would be nothing short of extremely inappropriate and absurd. How has she ruined his life when he willingly consented to unprotected sex with a woman? Bless his cottons 🙄 You need to get a serious grip.

The lady in this situation should see a solicitor and seek advice. If her house, pension and any assets are ringfenced and protected she may view the relationship differently. Starting on a slightly more level playing field may benefit the relationship

We met at work. I never knew she was so much older than me whilst we formed the friendship over the first few years.

Sorry, but I can't get over the bit where you were very close for years but simultaneously, didn't know how old she was.

Anyway. Even if you take the £2million quid house out of the picture, getting married isn't a magic wand, it's a legal contract. It's not going to prove your commitment, you know what does that? Proving your commitment, which takes time.

It's not going to stop her "walking" unless you're trying to tie her into a million pound ransom. If you did get married, what do you feel is in it for her, out of interest?

Hopefully this women laughs in your face at you demanding compensation for not getting to go on holidays because you chose to impregnate a workmate.

Provide for the kid you made and stop trying to become your colleagues parasite. Have some shame, FFS.
(@Geebray did not not read OPs posts? He's a piece of work)

I was the (similar) woman. He moved in, we became a family unit, years later we married.

Why not just try him moving in?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 what bridge were you planning on staying under during your next holiday. 👹

I believe thsis was aimed at me? I am younger than you. I still believe it’s predatory.

So you would deserve a share of her £2million house if it doesn’t work out to compensate you for lost time travelling. GO DO ONE 🙄

You want to get half of her house in the event of a divorce because you can’t go travelling anymore?

😂😂😂

That’s not her problem, mate.

If it were the 20something just starting out who was pregnant, I would advise her to strongly reconsider having the baby. If she decided to continue, then she should do everything possible to protect herself financially.

Frankly, yes to this. Especially if she wanted to progress in her career. I definitely wouldn't be advising her to marry a man she wasn't in a stable relationship with.

Usually, people with wealth of whatever sex don’t blindly marry a mate that’s impregnated them through a one night stand. This sort of advice usually is reserved for women who have been in a long term relationship, given their life to this person, moved into someone else’s house, given up their career while the other person has advanced theirs and had multiple children with this person. None of this applies in this situation. Sex is irrelevant here, you don’t become entitled to someone’s wealth automatically because you’ve impregnated someone. No one in their right mind would recommend anyone of either sex to marry in this kind of situation. Also expanding earlier on further on my earlier point normally we see on here that the bread winner has gained their wealth through the woman enabling the man to be able to advance his career and accumulate that wealth by staying at home and looking after the children. The OP has not contributed at all towards the pre accumulated wealth of this woman he’s gotten pregnant. He hasn’t worked, earned or done anything to deserve gaining half of the house if they marry and divorce. It’s a premarital asset that needs a water-tight pre-nuptial agreement for her protection but they are not legally binding only considered. Which is why I wouldn’t marry the OP if were this woman as it’s obvious he wants security where it’s not earned or deserved.

If things were reversed as the man was 38 with his own home and the woman was 27 would people also be saying the man shouldn't marry the woman? That she will take half his home if they divorced.