Is this normal ? Financial - H behaviour

Definitely off.

You don’t say what ,if any, shared financial goals you have? What about your home, is it fully paid off, what about each of your pensions? All of those are things that a married couple should be discussing between themselves in order to make the best decisions for your ( presumably shared!) future. I would be incredibly upset if my husband was making financial decisions with his parents instead of me as this ongoing investment is coming out of your joint income. Putting all of your eggs in 1 financial basket is never a good idea.

I'm sorry OP. This sounds so stressful. But yes, I completely agree with previous posters. It sounds like he's settling up his finances and getting his "ducks in a row" in the event of you divorcing in the future. I'm not liking the "doubts about you" comment one bit either. It sounds as if his parents have had a big ol chat about you, and have now devised a way with him to squirrel as much of "his" money away as possible so it's untouchable by you.
I'd be seeking legal advise this week. Unfortunately this is happening, keeping quiet is just going to give him more opportunity to screw you over. Don't let him!

OP don't be foolish, please get independent advice.

The comment ...he said 'people have doubts ' about me and that's why they did it." ....says they don't trust you. Leaves a nasty taste doesn't it!

Not to sidetrack but having just assisted with completing a 28 page declaration for the courts in a divorce case, all assets have to be declared for the financial settlement. All savings, investments, pensions are in the joint pot to be shared out. It's VERY detailed!
So there is protection in the event of divorce. But keep records.....all/any financial records

However, were OH to die, would you /children have any protection at all for the family money he's putting into the venture?

It doesn't sit right that he's making an autonomous decision affecting family finances.

What.....? Thats a hard NO!

Your OH is putting his salary into the Company and the other investors aren't?? Is he mad? Why would he put your familys finances at risk?

Family business are fraught with difficulty and everything has to be tied down tight legally.

This is a bad idea from an inheritance tax perspective. If he inherits his parents share of the co. Upon their death he might end up paying IHT on money which is already his.

@flabj You need to approach this from a different perspective.

Start by drawing up a family budget for the whole year include absolutely everything e.g. presents, food, holidays etc. Divide by 12 and agree this is the sum that goes into a joint account each month. Agree what proportion you both contribute to this account it could be 50:50 or % based on earnings.

The rest of your respective salaries are yours to do with as you wish. Make sure you use the joint account for all family expenses. This way he is contributing fairly to the shared expenses.

Get legal advice (no need to tell him before hand) on how you can protect your savings. As you say, in the event of divorce your savings are part of the joint pot but his are not. I don’t know the answer but could you have a deed of trust or a post nup agreement or even set up your own business - it can be very small but you use it to hold your savings so they too are in a company? Note you may need a will too.

I suspect if you tell him you are going to set up your own company and do the same with your savings he might suddenly get it.

It sounds as though your in-laws have set up a family trust with your husband. They are all trustees of the trust and get to decide how assets and profits are allocated. Your DH, by the sounds of it, is choosing to invest in shares through this trust. This essentially means the assets will be protected in the event of a divorce.

Time for an honest assessment of your relationship and an open conversation on the impact to your family.

You are being completely reasonable. The points you’ve made here that you do all these things to support him that enables him to earn this money and save it are 100% correct and reasonable.

I assume you are married? In which case there is no “his money” and “your money”. There is your joint, family money

You absolutely reasonable to ask what would happen if he died or left you. If the answer is it goes to his parents that’s not OK

that comment about people having doubts about you is a massive red flag that makes me suspicious this is being done on purpose to shelter his money from you in event of divorce or death

you need your own legal and financial advice on this with someone appointed to act for YOU and not just for HIM. That is reasonable to ask.

I think there is also a wider conversation about his attitude to what should be your joint income and savings as a married couple. It sounds like it might be quite “what’s yours in mine and what’s mine is mine” on his part. In which case you need to get things set up differently so you are protected .

tight with money, tight with love

how is he when it comes to buying things for the house/kids/you etc

WTF he said 'people have doubts ' about me and that's why they did it. ???

That is outrageous! So basically his parents, and perhaps other relatives, don’t trust you? And he’s going along with that presumably because he doesn’t trust you either.

OP, that is a massive insult and a serious problem in your relationship.

Do please get legal advice. You have been too generous.

OP, you need to actually get him to explain exactly what’s happening here.
Ignore the hysterical hypocrisy running rampant (as every thread where things are flipped around has the usual MN cries of ‘set up a secret savings account just in case) and actually try to understand what the fund / company is.

Ultimately if you don’t have shared finances he can choose what he does with his leftover money, as can you with yours. If you’re not happy with that and want to merge everything, that’s a separate conversation.

I get it but be said ' people have doubts ' about me and that's why they did it

Fucking hell. He sounds like a cunt. He helps himself to all your money, but him and his parents have taken extravagant steps to keep ‘his’ money away from you and your family?

But OP doesn’t earn as much as her husband, so she’ll never be able to do that.

Are you sure it isn't an inheritance tax planning vehicle between him and his parents?

He sounds like he doesn’t have a scooby what he’s doing. I hope it is legally tied up tight.

The problem is not really the salary or the company - it is your husband’s attitude and refusal to answer questions or explain. This raises the red flags for me. If he isn’t prepared to share his financials with you, for many this would be a make or break situation.

Does your husband have siblings? You're worried about what would happen if your husband died but what are the arrangements if his parents die?

It doesn’t need to be that way - it depends what they set out in a Shareholders Agreement between them, they could choose to agree contractually between them that his shares can go to you, it’s not unusual to provide for spouses that are not shareholders to have trump preemption rights that would otherwise kick in for the other shareholders. That’s what you need to ask for, you may not be a shareholder in the company but your husbands shares in it are an asset of his, and by extension and asset within your marriage. Then can provide to disapply default company provisions so that it’s not blocked

Stop paying for everything at home.

Tell him you want to save as much in your name every month as he does and you want it backdated. So you can invest in yourself to make things equal.

Sounds like he is making a plan to gradually screw you over. Once he 'ties' it up to the business, there's a long and complicated process too should you separate. Do you trust him generally. Someone who is a good and loving partner would just not make these decisions without even consulting their partner.

Hang on a minute, so your finances aren't shared, you're paying more than you proportionately should to enable him to save, while I'm betting doing the lion's share of the domestic labour, and he wants to take the savings he's making as a result of your sacrifices out of any contention for reasonable transparency/disclosure in the event of a split to feather his own nest?

He's not treating you well in the setup you have now, and you think it will improve with an additional layer of financial control?

And he's getting angry at you for raising concerns or having questions?

I would not have that in a million years OP.

Is it a SIPP? DH has a joint SIPP with his parents and brother, it's all above board and there are strict rules about what can be done with the money and what happens when people have to take money out or die ( I'm a beneficiary).
If it's a SIPP that might explain why your DH is paying in from income.
You still should have been involved/ had things explained properly to you but it might not be as irregular as it seems.

OK, I'm really sorry if I've missed that earlier. The "people have doubts comment" is a massive issue in its own right and you need to get to the bottom of that. And I retract my previous comment, by saying that he has made it adversial, not you.

Divert an equal amount of my ney he puts into this family company into as limited company you set up for yourself to buy something. Otherwise if you split the assets in his family company won't be included in divorce deal. Or try asking him to put more of your house in your name in tenants in common.